Against The Wall and Back
by edsgirlalways
Summary: B/E meet at Stanford where Edward is on the swim team and makes the Olympic team, Bella a dancer cant make it to the games and gets in a tragic accident, feeling guilty that she robbed Edward of a gold medal she leaves Everyone behind, now 4 years later and a chance at redemption will Bella's reappearance in Edwards life cost him the gold once again
1. Chapter 1

A/N: this plot Bunny came to me one night after a raunchy twitter conversation with my dearest friends about Olympic Swimmers and their ability to hold their breath for a long time, lots of giggles insured and viola #swimmerward was born

**Of Course I don't own Twilight Stephenie does Plus she owns Edward and Bella I Just like to bend them in various positions**.

So without further adieu I'd like to dedicate this story to my partners in crime **Ethel and Lucy**, I love you girls

**This is just for shit and giggles and maybe a few tears not Beta'd**

FYI: Bella's flashbacks will all be in italics and bold

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I looked out the window at white billowy clouds knowing somewhere, maybe a few thousand feet below this flying metal bird was either a aqua ocean or a green grass landscape. Never in a million years would I have thought I would be flying across the pond, and facing my past. No I was perfectly content in my little mountain home, just living my life, taking pictures of the mountain landscape, running my gallery and doing some freelance work for several magazines in Park City Utah.

My palms are sweating just thinking about stepping foot off this plane. I need to get these nerves under control or the five cokes and 3 packs of Biscotti cookies I have consumed in the last 10 hours will be making a re-appearance and not in the most beautiful of ways. In fact I'm pretty sure it's the last thing the people up here in fist class want to witness let alone smell.

According to the flight attendant we should be counting our lucky stars we were in first class and not in coach, there was a five year old redheaded girl who has done nothing but cry the whole flight to her parents about not buying her that American girl doll she saw in the window at JFK, a two year old boy who has lost his stomach contents not once but 3 times, an infant whose parents thought it was the grandest idea to take a flight while he was suffering with double ear infections and a cat who has escaped its cage, why anyone would bring a cat on board is beyond me so yes I'm grateful I have a pocketbook big enough to afford the first class ticket.

I took a few deep-cleansing breaths and felt the comfort of my best friend's hand.

" I told you you needed something a little more substantial in your belly besides sugar and carbs."

" And I told you I'd eat when we get there" I squeezed his hand back and gave him my signature drop it smile.

" God you are so stubborn Isabella."

I turned in my wide, blue, faux leather first class seat and looked him in the eyes. "If I was so stubborn J would I be on this plane with you right now." I grabbed my cookies out of his hand and turned back to look out at the clouds.

" Bells, I've put up with your stubborn ass for the last four years, I knew it was going to take a lot of convincing but without a doubt I knew I would get you on this plane." he grabbed the cookies back out of my hand and motioned for the flight attendant.

Yeah sure a lot of convincing. I was the one that called him to tell him about the opportunity to take pictures for Park City living magazine as part of their Olympic coverage. Of course I told him I was not going to take it, no way could I head to London there were to many ghosts there, he knew it. That's why he showed up at my gallery the next day.

" Can I help you sir?" the sickeningly, smiley blonde said as she bent down to J's level."

" Yes ma'am my friend here would like one of those turkey sandwiches please." He handed her his card and winked at her.

She stood up and fanned herself, then turned around and went to her cart. " Did she seriously just fan herself? Damn you Jasper Whitlock and your southern charms." I slapped his arm.

" Ouch." he rubbed the spot. " By the way she's not my type, I was just trying to be nice."

Jasper has been there for me since I walked onto their ranch in Texas four years ago. I saw a program on ESPN about a pro football player that had been injured in a game, an injury that resulted in ending his career. He talked about how his time on the Whitlock ranch in Houston Texas changed his angry feeling about not being able to play football anymore. How they help him see the bigger picture and how just because he can't play pro doesn't mean that he can never play football again. I remember lying there in the hospital bed feeling like it was the end of the world until that day, that day changed my life.

In the blink of an eye I had lost my dreams of becoming the professional dancer that my mother had always wanted me to be. I would no longer be dancing according to slew of doctors that kept coming into my room. My knee was completely shattered, I had a whole new knee one that would not put up with any kind of abuse that normal knees could. My strong ankles were broken in several places, they said they will never be the same and they would never be able to support the weight that would be needed for me to get back on Pointe and dance again. My right arm was in a brace, my ribs were cracked, and my femur on my right leg was being held together with pins and screws. My Brain was swollen from the head trauma of hitting it against the door from the impact of the telephone pole and I had a small amount of amnesia from be unconscious for two weeks. But according to them and everyone that visited my room I was suppose to count my lucky stars that I was alive, I could have ended up like my best friend they kept saying. It made me mad why was I alive, why was I saved; I should have just died along with her. It would have been so much easier. That is all I thought about until I made the decision to walk away from my old life and start fresh somewhere new.

I can't be angry about that decision, Jasper has been wonderful, he helped me heal not only physically but emotionally as well. I should be grateful he's the one sitting next to me on this plane and not his sister Rose. Rose would be critiquing my outfit of black yoga pants, and grateful dead T-shirt, I'm pretty sure she would scoff at the fact my wavy brown, unmanageable hair is put up in a pony tail

I should have known something was up when the bell chimed above my gallery door two days ago and I looked up to see the crystal blue eyes that have made me open up and bare my soul. He looked at me like I'm here to cause trouble. I knew it was going to be about... No don't go there, you've kept yourself together so far... Thoughts about him only lead you caving and caving leads you to hitting cold stone for a gotta have it mint chocolate chip. And then you spend the rest of the night sobbing cause ice cream only brings more memories of him.

_**Walking across the quad hand in hand sharing licks off each other's cones that we had bought from the ice cream parlor in the bookstore. His a plain strawberry double scoop cone which he says reminds him of me, my wonderful tantalizing scent, he whispers in my ear, causing shivers to shake my entire being. Being pulled tightly into his strong-arms, no complaints from me. Mine a single scoop mint chocolate chip cone that gets on my lips and induces a hot make out session by the fountain that I feel all the way down to my toes and makes my knees go weak. One of those first kisses that surpass any kiss you have ever had before and ruin's any others you will have after. He softly brushes my lips one more time and apologizes, saying he just had to get the left over bits of cream off my amazing lips. I can't help but smile cause oh my god the captain of the swim team is kissing me... Me boring Bella Swan in public and it's making me want to just lay his god like body down on the cement and do very naughty things to him.**_

" You're thinking about him right now aren't you." Jasper had a shit grin on his face.

" Don't know what you are talking about." I had to hide my face cause I could feel the blush creeping it's way across my face.

" We need to work on your lying skills or maybe we should work on controlling that blush, cause I'm sure the minute you see lover boy again that blush is going to be covering your entire body."

"Shut up." luckily blonde bimbo was back with my sandwich and batting her fake eyelashes at Jasper, causing me to giggle.

I took the sandwich from Jasper's hand, opened the package and took a bite.

The flight attendant must have got the hint J was not interested and sauntered herself back the way she came.

" So if batting eyelashes aren't your thing what is?" I took a sip of my coke. I had to know what rocked his socks and I needed a change the subject.

Rose and I had a bet going what type of woman Jasper would go for. Rose thinks the super model type is what he wants,one of the reasons why I think Jasper is still single she keeps setting him up with the Dallas cheerleaders, he has never made it past a first date. I on the other hand think he needs a woman with depth to her not just beauty she needs to wow him. Jasper is an old soul, a philosopher a true gentleman an enigma. I once knew someone perfect for him, but I severed that friendship when I left without even a goodbye. Wonder... No I'm pretty sure if I see her it's not going to be pretty, I'm sure Alice... It's been so long since I said her name and although it came naturally to say it, it still hurts me. I'm pretty sure Alice wants to pummel my head into the ground for hurting her brother.

My hands automatically wrap around my middle. I hurt so many people that day, it's amazing how many people are affected by one little mistake, you don't really realize it till its to late and you have walked away, put a distance between you and them.

" No batting eyelashes are not my thing especially on a blonde." Jasper's admission takes me out of my musings.

" Knew you didn't like blondes, now only if your sister would get the hint, maybe we could find you a real women." I took another bite of my sandwich. " Mmm this is good thanks."

" Pot meet kettle, hello have you even been on a date in the last four years."

" I've been busy." I tried to say.

"Bullshit Bella, just be honest for once. You fell in love, you thought he's the one then your dreams were shattered and now you believe that as a punishment you should close yourself off from ever being happy again."

" I am happy."

" No you are just going through the motions Bella, in order for you to be truly happy you need to face him, you need to look at Edward's face and see for yourself if he's as disappointed as you think he is in you."

" Jasper." I whisper as I hug myself tighter. He knows what hearing his name does to me.

" This isn't one of my therapy sessions Bella, I'm not telling you this as your doctor, I'm telling you this because I care about you. I don't care what you think, you do deserve to be happy, you both do."

I shook my head. " Stop, please I can't do this right now." I pleaded with him.

" Then tell me one thing Bella, why are you really on this plane?"

I sat there for god knows how long, I really didn't want to answer him.

" I'll tell you why, you Bella Swan saw what I saw when I showed you the tape of his Olympic trials swim the other night. You saw him touch that tattoo above his heart and you knew in that instant he still might love you and you just had to see for yourself if it was a possibility. I saw your face as you sat there on your couch watching with rapt attention as he touched it with his two fingers and then brought them to his lips. I saw how your eyes changed from the deep sadness I have seen these last four years to the beginning of the glittering happiness I saw in the pictures in your old home in Forks. As he swam from the wall and back and won his race, I knew you were just aching to jump up and down with happiness. But like always you held back for fear that if you feel any kind of happiness something terrible is going happen.

Fresh tears ran down my cheeks, he knew me so well. He could always read me like a book, I had closed myself off to everyone after the accident, but Jasper brought me back to a place where I could finally start to heal. But only one person can make me feel alive again, and I need to know if he still feels like I do, Like I can't really breathe without him.

" Bella it's time to finally see for yourself that nobody blames you for what happened four years ago, it was god's will, he saved you for a purpose. The accident happened for a reason, yes it was shitty timing, People were hurt, the media circus was cruel not only to you but Edward, but I feel it in my heart that man does not hold you accountable for what happened."

" You don't know that J, how can you be so sure." I turned away and looked out again at the puffy white clouds hiding what was below.

" I know cause Rose told me."

" What does Rose have to do with this." I turned away from the small window and looked at him confused as ever.

" Why do you think I showed up at Shutters the other day? I'm not one to force you to do anything Bella. When you called me and told me about the job opportunity I knew you would not take it, and I was totally fine with that, but the day after you called Rose came home from a trip to Dallas looking like she had had the time of her life. She was smiling like the Cheshire cat, I knew she had met someone special."

I motioned for him to continue with his little story.

" Well I guess as she was coming out of a coffee shop some big oaf, her words not mine, bumped into her spilling her coffee all over her six hundred dollar shirt causing it to become see through and ruining it. The big oaf apologized then made some crass remark about nice tits, bought her a new coffee and handed her a wad of cash after she yelled at him for ruining her shirt and having to pay for it."

I giggled I bet Rose was pissed, one don't ever touch her clothes, and two she hated it when people commented on her body.

" I'm still confused, what does Rose and a ruined shirt have anything to do with me and…" I couldn't say it.. Could I, I tried it out. " Edward."

" Looks like the Cullen men have a problem with introducing themselves." Jasper finished

I closed my eyes remembering the day Edward made himself known to me. The Cullen men are not the only ones that make fools of themselves during introductions.

_**It was a sunny day on campus, I had been sitting under the shade of the large trees in one of the large grassy fields outside of my dorm reading one of my art history books, trying to study for an upcoming English Painters test. I had been up all night putting together a duet for my dance class with my partner Chris and had no time to study. I was stressed out and just trying to cram before class, I needed some sun and air, so I had come outside hoping it would help me study. When all of a sudden a football made it's way over to me hitting me in the chest knocking my book out of my hands, causing my papers to fall to the grass and knocking my glasses off my face. I hated that I had them on but I had forgotten to put my contacts in that morning as I was running late my Pointe class. I was livid, I was just sitting there minding my own business, I picked up the football and was ready to stand up and throw it at the person responsible for interrupting my cram session when I looked up into the most amazing green eyes I had ever seen. **_

_**I lost any sense to speak when he smiled at me and held his hand out for the football. I sat there mesmerized by his eyes, Then my eyes found his jaw line and Oh my god it was just asking for me to run my tongue along it. I was lost in thinking about how the light bit of stubble on his jaw would feel against my neck and face, when he coughed breaking me out of my ogling. He chuckled and I blushed.**_

" _**Oh sorry is this yours." I looked at him trying to convey that I was upset that it had hit me but failing miserably.**_

" _**Yes and I'm so sorry that it hit you my friends can be douches sometimes, sorry." He apologized and bent down in front of me, grabbing the football out of my hands. He gave me a sexy crooked smile. " I'm Edward by the way." He held his hand back out to me. **_

_**I found my voice again " Nice to meet you Edward I'm Bella." I placed my hand in his waiting for him to shake it, but instead he raised his hands to his lips and kissed the top of my hand. I think the grass underneath me just became a little dewy.**_

" _**I should let you get back to your football game, your friends look like they are waiting for you." I motioned to where the group of Edward's friends were standing watching with rapt attention at our little display.**_

_**Edward turned his head and looked where my finger was pointing. " Them, they are nobody just a group of rowdy swimmers trying to pass the time before practice."**_

" _**You're a swimmer." He nodded his head. " Oh I assumed you were football players."**_

_**He laughed, and I can truly say the man's laugh set my body on fire. " No I leave the contact sports to my older brother."**_

" _**So is it true... the rumors I hear, do you guys really pad your Speedo's, you know to um make yourselves look bigger?"**_

_**Edward's delicious jaw dropped, I covered my mouth did I really just say that out loud… Note to self, sexy ass men will break your filter.**_

_**Edward snapped his jaw closed then gave me that same sexy smirk he had given me earlier. " Tell you what Bella." The way he said my name, like is was music on his lips, made me want to come right there. **_

" _**You come to our meet tomorrow and you can see for yourself." he leaned into whisper in my ear. " But I'm telling you what you will see is the real deal, and I can guarantee you are going to like what you see." He brushed his lips against my ear then stood up and trotted over to his friends leaving me sitting there in the puddle of moisture he had created between my legs. **_

_**Oh he wants to play with fire I see, well let's see how he feels about a girl and a bike. I stuffed my books into my backpack, picked up my helmet that was sitting behind me, brushed off my jeans and sauntered over to my bike that was parked right by where they were tossing the football. I bent down to close the clasp on my riding boots purposely aiming my ass, my best asset at Edward. I heard a cough and stood up brushing my long wavy brown hair over my shoulders, put on my helmet then climbed on my Ducatti and started it up. I finally looked up at the guys, all of their jaws were hanging open. I waved at Edward and pulled out of the parking lot.**_

I couldn't help the huge smile that was plastered across my face, that day was one of the best days of my life.

" There's that beautiful smile again, and one day you are going to tell the real story of how you and Edward met, not the watered down version of he hit me with a football while I was studying."

" That's how we met." I said and hid my grin from him.

" There's more you are not telling me and I'm going to get it out of you."

" I don't think so buddy, and still that doesn't explain how Rose knows that Edward doesn't blame me."

" You are and if you don't I'll get it out of Edward, and she knows cause Emmett told her."

" She talked to Emmett about me." I asked as I finished off the sandwich and coke.

" Relax she didn't mention you, per say. She asked how his brother was coping after his devastating looses in the Beijing games. She told him I bet he was angry at his girlfriend for going out and partying while he was in Beijing working his ass off." I wanted to punch Rose how dare she.

" Emmett said Edward was never angry, he was sad that he couldn't be there for you and felt guilty for choosing to still compete while you were lying in the hospital bed fighting for your life. He said something about how you walked out of everyone's life and it devastated Edward but with a ton of convincing from all of his family and coaches he got back in the pool and started competing again. That's all she said they talked about. Rose is going to be coming to London just so you know."

" I don't know what to say, I want to punch Rose right now and why in the hell is she coming to London."

" I know and I was angry myself, but she said Emmett was talking about Edward the whole time. Rose never mentioned knowing you and I know its killing her not to be able to be honest with Emmett, but she said something that really hit me. She said that Emmett mentioned something about his brother not swimming to his full capacity in the trials, and thinks he is holding back out of guilt that he can still live his dreams and that you are out there somewhere not being able to fulfill yours. And she's coming to London cause Emmett asked her to come and meet the family."

If that is true I really need to talk to him, he should never feel guilty for what went down that night. It was my fault. I am the one that went to the party with Angela, it was my choice to take the drink Kirk offered me and it was my choice to let Angela drive instead of insisting that I take the wheel, I was after all not as drunk as she was. But Angela never let anyone drive her BMW and so I choose to not even bother asking if she was okay to drive. Stupid mistakes that not only cost me my scholarship, and getting into Julliard, but made me an angry bitter person who thought the best thing to do was leave everyone I loved behind me never looking back. Not even caring what my leaving would do to those I loved.

I looked over at my dearest friend, he grabbed my hand and nodded. He knew that I had made up my mind, it was time to put these ghost's that have haunted me for the last four years to rest, It was my turn to dance again.

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A/N: What did you think? should I keep writing it? Do you want to hear Edward's side while she was away?


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: okay so here is Chapter 2 its EPOV

Like Always I do not in anyway own twilight or its character's I do however maybe own SwimmerWard in a speedo

Once again this story is dedicated to my two besties Ethel and Lucy especially EPOV you wanted it here ya go ladies

oh and like my other stories its not beta'd if you want to beta it feel free to PM me.

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I took the last flight into to London from JFK I knew I was pushing and Aro; my US swim coach would be laying into me at my six a.m. Practice. I knew getting into London at midnight was not a very smart move on my part. It was my only chance to see my sister before the games started and knowing I would be stuck in Olympic village most of the time, or sleeping between heats and races it was really the only time I could spend with her.

Alice has been my rock since we were in the womb together, I think I kicked the bejebus out of her and in retaliation she became this spunky pixie. Alice and I were like two peas in a pod, we got each other completely it was like I could read her mind and in return she just knew exactly how my life was going to be. She knew my head would be swimming with awful thoughts on the long flight across the pond and she knew I needed her comfort.

It was the smartest thing I ever did, when I wasn't sleeping she talked my ear off about her new fashion line. Although I have no clue what a midi is, or what haute couture or ready-wear means, but it kept me from thinking back to four years ago and how everything was taken away from me in the blink of an eye.

_I had just swam one of my practice swims before my first gold medal race, it was the 200-meter backstroke. I had secured lane four after the prelims I knew I had the gold in my hands, my only competition really was my teammate Mike Newton and he was in lane five, behind Newton was the Australian favorite Riley Beers in lane three. I was sitting in the hot tub warming up my muscles after my swim when my Coach at Stanford, coach Clapp tapped me on the shoulder. I looked up into his eyes and I knew something was wrong._

_"Edward you need to get dressed, your dad is waiting outside the building for you." Coach Clapp whispered in my ear, so no other swimmers were privy to our conversation._

_I knew it was bad at that point and climbed out my heart pounding in my chest, I don't know how but I knew it was Bella, something happened to her, I could feel it in my bones. I rubbed the Swan tattoo on my chest; the ink I got for her a month prior, to let her know no matter what she would always be with me. She was devastated she couldn't make it to Beijing but my Angel had a chance of a lifetime opportunity to tryout for Juliard a lifelong dream of hers and her mothers and who was I to not let her dream come true. I knew deep in my heart she would have given it up for me, but I wouldn't let her._

_I slipped my USA track pants over my Jammers and zipped up my jacket I didn't really care that I forgot to use my Sammy and was dripping wet, it didn't matter at this point I needed to know what was going on. I followed Coach Clapp out of the locker room then out of the building as soon as we were through the athletes entrance I saw my dad standing there his eyes were red from crying, my heart sank._

_My father led me over to a waiting car not speaking to me, we both climbed in the back seat and as soon as the doors closed I rounded on him. " Dad just tell me, its Bella right, please dad…. please." I pleaded tears falling down my face he only nodded to choked up to talk to me._

_" She's alive right… God she needs to be alive, I cant…. I cant live without her." I sobbed._

_My dad's arms wrapped around me and held me as I cried. " Hush son." He stopped_

_She was alive that's all that mattered to me, this earth needed her sweet spirit, I needed her. " Fuck dad what are you not telling me."_

_" Edward you need to be calmer and I would rather tell you with your mother and Alice and Emmett present, you going to need them son. Please can this wait till we get to our hotel." He asked. I knew it was bad at that point if he thought my mother, Emmett and Alice needed to be there. I turned away from him and let the tears flow, my mind was swirling with the possibilities of loosing my love._

_We pulled up to the chic hotel they were staying at, the valet opened the door and we got out of the car. I vaguely heard the shutters of the cameras being shoved in my face as my father tried to push pass the Papps. I don't really even know what they were saying to me or how they knew I was here at this hotel. All I wanted to do was get up to my parent's rooms so I could find out what the fuck was going on._

_I heard the elevator doors chime and my father led me inside, I think I was walking on autopilot. The doors shut and I slumped down to my knees pleading with god to save her, I fucking needed her like air._

_My father picked me up as the doors opened up to the penthouse suite, and led me into the living room and sat me on the couch. " Stay here I going to get your mom she's at the Spa and Alice and Emmett should be here in a few minutes they were out shopping I called them and said they needed to get back here. I only want to say this once it's too much to tell multiple times."_

_I sobbed harder; I couldn't take this not knowing. I looked up into my father's eyes pleading with him to just tell me something I just needed something to go on._

_He closed his eyes. "Edward she's alive son, I know you are thinking she's gone I can see it written all over your face."_

_I stood up. " Of course I thought she was dead, you fucking wouldn't tell me a thing, what was I suppose to think dad, you're a god damn surgeon you've seen it all and you couldn't even tell me what happened to the love of my life. For Christ's sake what was I suppose to think." I grabbed the vase off the coffee table and threw it against the wall._

_I felt the warm embrace of my mothers arms wrap around me and pull me down on the couch. " What's going on Carlisle, why is our son throwing expensive vase's from the Ming dynasty at the wall._

_" What the hell is a Ming Vase doing in a Hotel anyway." My father shouted back at my mom._

_" I'll have you know I donated it from our collection when I came here last year to oversee the remodel, we have so many damn knickknacks."_

_" Would you two stop the fucking arguing over a damn vase please I…. I can't do this."_

_" Edward watch your language."_

_" God mom its Bella, I cant."_

_Her tiny gasp made me cry harder she loved Bella almost as much as I did, I knew whatever my dad had to say would kill her just as much as it was killing me._

_" No Carlisle… tell me its not true please no not my baby girl." She sobbed and held on to me. She loved Bella just like a daughter._

_My father held us both as we cried on the couch, the boisterous laughter of my older brother washed over me, I wanted to punch him how could he be laughing right now._

_" Oh my god what's going on." The whimsical voice of my wombmate washed over me I felt calmer knowing she was here, I needed my rock._

_" Everyone sit down please, Edward is going to need all of us, we need to be calm." My father said. Always acting like the professional doctor that he is._

_" Carlisle please just tell us what happened to Bella…. Please." My mother pleaded with him._

_I felt the tiny grasp of my sisters hands in mine. " I knew something was wrong Edward I felt it, but the big oaf over here kept saying it was nothing, I knew… I knew." Alice cried on my shoulder. She always had this sixth sense about her, she would tell me things she felt and would always keep me out of danger " I'm sorry… so so sorry, I had a feeling that something bad was going to happen I didn't say anything I didn't want to worry you. I really thought it was my over active imagination Edward god I'm so sorry." She cried harder._

_I hugged her tighter I needed her strength to get through whatever my father was going to say. " Hush, she's alive according to dad but he hasn't said anything else, but she's alive sis, alive." I cried right along with her._

_" Jeez dad what the fuck just tell us already." Emmett said as he sat down on the couch smashing us all, I knew he had a tough exterior but deep down Bella owned a part of his heart, she was his little sister._

_My father came over and sat on the coffee table in front of me and grabbed my hands out of Alice's grasp. "Edward this is going to be hard, and please just let me get it all out before you start asking question please that goes for all of you."_

_I nodded my head for him to continue. I just needed to know what happened to my angel._

_"Edward I need you to look at me when."_

_" I can't dad just tell me please...why are you stalling." I whispered against Alice's shoulder._

_" Carlisle please just tell us." my mother pleaded once more for my father to just talk._

_" Once again I ask all of you to let me get through the story before you ask questions or react okay."_

_He took a deep breath. " I had just walked in to the hotel after dropping your mom off at the spa when my phone rang, it was a number I didn't recognize I thought I better answer it anyway, a frantic voice was on the other line. She introduced herself as Jessica and said she was one of Bella's roommates."_

_I nodded my head to let him know that was correct._

_" She said she didn't want to call you and mess anything up so she found my number on Bella's phone and called me instead."_

_He took another deep breath and stood up and started pacing. I closed my eyes knowing that even though Bella was alive, my father was struggling to tell us what happened and that in it-self was a bad thing._

_" She said that Bella and Angela had shown up to a party at the kappa house, she said that they had declined her offer to come earlier in the evening." he swallowed._

_" She said that Kirk had been bugging Bella all night to have a drink. She said she always declined and just sat on the couch, Jessica said that she had gone outside at one point and left Bella's side. She said that she really doesn't remember how long she was outside but Bella and Angela had come out of the house and Bella was crying."_

_She promised me she wouldn't go to the party, I knew what went on at those things and as much as I trusted her I didn't trust any of the guys there. I felt my sister squeeze my hands._

_" Come on Edward we don't know what happened you need to calm down." Alice whispered in my ear._

_" Edward Jessica said that Bella said Kirk was being an absolute asshole and that her and Angela were leaving, she said that she could smell the lightest hint of alcohol on Bella's Breath as she was yelling."_

_" God no, she never drank, ever dad." I sobbed._

_" I know Edward, Jess said that she thinks Kirk put some vodka in her water bottle and Bella drank it not knowing she said it was very faint."_

_" Jess said she asked Angela if she was fine to drive and she said she only had two beers over a hour before and had drank plenty of water. She said that she felt they were fine, and because she was the designated driver for other girls she needed to stay."_

_I took a deep breath, knowing the worst was yet to come._

_" She said she left ten minutes after Angela and Bella when she came to the stoplight before turning onto the campus she saw the lights of fire trucks and ambulances, she said they wouldn't let anyone through the intersection, she knew that it was the girls so she got out."_

_He stopped; tears were streaming down his face._

_" Dad just tell me."_

_He stopped pacing and looked at me." Oh god Edward some college kids were racing and ran a red light going 70 mph and hit Angela and Bella, pushing Angela's car into a telephone pole, according to the police the kids that hit them were intoxicated and were racing to the liquor store for more."_

_I couldn't stop shaking. " Oh god Not her, why... Why her." I sobbed._

_I felt my mothers arms wrap around me once more, enveloping me in her warmth. " Carlisle, Bella she's okay right." My mother sobbed._

_My father sat back down on the coffee table and caressed my mother's cheek. " I don't know dear…. I don't know they lost her once on the table already…. Her body is so broken." My father wrapped his arms around all of us, I felt Emmett joined in the hug, tears were streaming down my face._

_God no please, she has to be okay, she has to live save her please. I pleaded silently with who ever was up there to not take her, it was not her time to go._

_" Dr. Grenady is taking care of her, she's in good hands." My father wiped his nose. Behind his tough doctor persona he had the softest, most caring heart._

_" How can you say that you are not there, she needs you." I cried harder, we needed to get back home._

_" I know Edward and trust me I would kill to be on a plane right now, but the only flight I found was not till tomorrow. The nurses are giving me regular updates, she's in surgery right now to fix her punctured lung from her broken ribs they felt like that was the most important, I totally agree, she was struggling to breath according to Jess. She was unconscious when they brought her in."_

_The only plus is that she was out of it, my baby girl hated needles I could only imagine how scared she would be if she was awake and nobody was there to hold her hand. I sobbed harder I was stuck in Beijing._

_"They are bringing in Dr. Kennedy to asses her knee, ankle and femur on her right side, all are broken, her knee more than likely will need to be replaced. Edward prognosis right now is not good, they said she would probably never dance again._

_" Oh god no!" I stood up I needed to get on a plane now, she needed me to hell with the Olympics I didn't want the gold anyway._

_" Edward, stop, I know you want to leave and go to her, but you cant son. There are no flights available, I have us booked on a flight in the morning, she's in surgery, they will have her sedated when she comes out for a few days, she hit her head pretty hard when the car hit the telephone pole, there's swelling son. She will be in a coma for a few days and the doctors are grateful, it helps them do their job son."_

_" You said they lost her once, dad what does that mean." Emmett asked through his tears._

_" Son that means she flat-lined on the operating room table, they worked hard and got her back it was only two minutes, and the doctors are sure there wont be any brain damage."_

_He gasped and covered his mouth. " Okay, she's going to be fine right, she's going to pull through this, she has to…. She's so stubborn she has to be fine, I can't lose my little sis." My tough running back brother was full on sobbing on the couch next to me._

_I wrapped my arms around him, he's right she is stubborn. " What about Charlie, he knows right?"_

_" Yes he's there right now, wearing a hole in the floor in the waiting room, the nurses are taking care of him as well, he said to call him after I talked to you, he wants to talk to you son."_

_" Okay, what about Angela, you haven't said anything about her." I felt he was leaving something out._

_" She didn't make it, Edward she was gone when the paramedics got there, they assumed she was not wearing her seatbelt, the impact was right on the driver's side door."_

_My mother sobbed harder, Alice was a blubbering mess, Angela was a just as much her friend as she was Bella's. I shook my head, Bella's best friend was gone, and Bella is going to be heart broken when she wakes up._

_" Dad I won't be able to race tonight I need to pull out, I can't do it there is no way."_

_" I knew that's what you would say, Edward think about it, we can't leave till tomorrow, you can pull out of the rest of the races but swim this one for Bella, get her the gold son."_

My sister's arms around me brought me out of my musings. " Edward you are shaking you need to sit down, she dragged me over to a bench in customs. " Everyone is looking at us."

I walked over to the bench and hung my head in my hands. I promised them this time was going to be different, I promised them all I was doing this for me, I promised them that I would not let her get to me. Oh how wrong I was, I thought about a lot leading up to these games, is she watching me, or does she really not care at all.

" Hey Edward look at me, I know you are feeling guilty right now, its okay I think about her all the time too. Nobody is going to be mad at you I'm not. Lets just get through custom's and to the house mom and dad rented tonight okay, tomorrow is a new day, these are your games Edward your chance to shine.

We got through customs got our luggage, and out to the car my father had waiting for us, Flash bulbs started going off and the photogs were starting to hound, luckily the driver had the door opened and I hoped in before they could yell at me. I have been hounded since I swam the trials; I just really wanted a break. We got to the house my parents rented in Notting Hill and I crashed in the bed as soon as I walked in the door I was wiped.

* * *

I woke up feeling refreshed and ready to show the world that I Edward Cullen was once again the person to beat. I walked into the kitchen; my mother had a cup of coffee and a plate of scrambled eggs and toast waiting for me.

" How are you feeling this morning son." My beautiful mom asked as she handed me my plate.

" Better now that I'm here." I said as I shoved a huge forkful of the yellow deliciousness in my mouth

" Alice told me about what happened."

I scowled at her. " Now don't be like that son, she's just worried about you, we all are."

" I'm fine." I waved my fork full of scrambled eggs. And took a bite of my toast, I don't know what it is but my mom makes the best toast.

" Okay, just don't be afraid to talk to us, I know how hard these games are going to be for you, and I know how hard Aro has been working you. You don't have to show anybody anything Edward, I just want you to be happy."

" I am happy mom."

" Your not Edward, you don't have to try and hide it from me." She wrapped her arms around my neck.

" I miss my smiley boy."

I gave her one of my fake smiles. " I smile see."

" I don't want a fake smile Edward I need the genuine ones back. I need my happy son back, you know the one that use to wake up every morning before school and kiss me on the cheek. I hardly see you anymore, and you are living above the garage Edward. When you are not home your either swimming or in the library studying, you have closed yourself off from your friends Edward, and you have even closed yourself off from us."

" I don't need this right now mom." I shoved my plate of food away suddenly losing my appetite.

" Stop Edward I'm not trying to berate you, it's just when was the last time you talked to Emmett, like months ago., Do you know he called after you won the trails, and you were not home to talk, he said he left you messages on your phone and you never returned them.

" Where is he anyway, I figured he'd be down here scarffing up all the food."

" He's upstairs sleeping, he and his new girlfriend got in after you and Alice last night I'm sure they are tired."

" Girlfriend since when does he have a girlfriend Emmett doesn't date seriously."

" Exactly my point Edward, if you had talked to him, you would have known. Guess they met when he went to Dallas to train a month ago, her name is Rosalie, and I expect you to be nice to her understand." she waved the spatula she was holding in my direction.

I gave her the good old salute. " Yes ma'am."

" Now run along you smell like recycled air." She swatted her dishtowel at me. I got to the doorway of the kitchen before she called out.

" Oh and don't forget to shave wouldn't want any drag."

" You are such a smart ass mom, I get waxed mom waxed. " I giggled and headed upstairs to jump in the shower.

* * *

I finished up in the bathroom and wrapped a towel around my waist and stepped out into the hall. I headed down to my room, I must have left something in the bathroom cause a shriek came from the way I had just came.

I looked at the clothing items in my hands and noticed my boxer briefs were missing, I giggled and headed back that way. Thinking it was Alice I pushed the door open to another shriek and a blonde chic standing there in a pink silk robe she threw my boxers at me, and slammed the door to the bathroom shut.

Must be Emmett's new toy. I chuckled all the way to my room. I got dressed in my USA gear grabbed my bags and headed down to say by to my mom, nobody else was up, but it was a long drive to the athlete's village and I needed to get over to my practice.

God Aro' was on my ass the whole practice, constantly yelling at me, I gave him everything I got in the pool, Mike was slacking off and he was not yelling at him, why me?

I climbed out of the pool ready to punch a wall, when really what I wanted to do was shoot Aro; maybe I could borrow one of the US archer's bows and shoot him in the heart. Every lap he was screaming don't repeat your same mistakes, he was pushing me I know but when I got out of the pool to go sit in the hot tub to warm up my muscles and take a break he would not stop. He even went as far as too mention her name. He knew it would piss me off and I would take that aggression out in the pool, and I was going to prove to him and everyone else that doubted me that these Olympics were going to be different.

I ripped off my swim-cap and walked straight into the locker room ignoring everyone on my way in. I slammed my hand against blue tiles of the shower and collapsed to my knees and sobbed. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her but having someone else talk about her like they knew her cut me like the sharpest knife. I closed my eyes letting the warm water cascade over my face bringing with it memories of the last meet before the NCAA championships, before I had Bella in my life.

_You were right it is amazing, I totally liked what I saw._

_By the way congrats on your new record_

_~ B~_

_I can't believe she left that note complete with a smiley face on my windshield, here I thought she didn't even bother to show. I was confident my whispering in her ear that in no way have I ever padded my swimsuit, by the way I still cant believe she asked that, would have worked and gotten her there. Little did I know this girl was anything like the girls that threw themselves at me on a daily basis? No I would have to work hard to get her attention._

_I was so nervous going into that meet all the guys called me out on it, I tried to play coy saying it was a huge meet, Olympic coaches were going to be at it for Christ sake, but they all knew me. There was no competition out there, they knew I would blow everyone out of the pool. When I walked out on deck I craned my neck looking for any signs of Bella AKA Bikerchic to my friends, but I never saw her anywhere I did see my parents up sitting in the bleachers and gave them a little wave._

_I shook the nerves out of my system and swam the best meet of my life I even beat my personal best and broke the school record in the 200m fly. I was on such a high as I walked out to my car then I saw that note under the wipers of my silver Volvo. That was one of the best days of my life._

_I knew without a doubt she had a thing for me. Too bad it took my two weeks before I got my nerves under control enough to ask her out. I had been stalking her for those two weeks, I'm pretty sure she knew it too especially when I showed up outside of the dance room door, and Jessica and Angela walked out giggling and said Hi Edward really loud. Bella blushed and finished her dance. After she was done she walked out of the room looking beautiful as ever. The only thing I could say was do you want to go get some coffee._

_It was the lamest date ever too, coffee at the bookstore after class, what was I thinking luckily for me after my lame attempt at a date she agreed to go out with me again. She even went as far as to say._

_" Maybe we could do Ice cream at the bookstore next time you stalk me at dance class."_

_She was such a breath of fresh air, watching her dance that day; there are no words to how graceful and beautiful she is on the dance floor. But get that girl off the dance floor and watch out graceful she is not. She spilled her hot coffee all over me and she tripped three times on the walk over there and every time she blushed that beautiful red hue and I fell in love with her._

The hot water of the shower cascaded over my body as I stood up relaxing the tense muscles in my shoulders; I ran the pad of my thumb over the swan above my heart. I needed to get myself under control, Aro's first words to me as I set foot in the practice pool were" you better not let your past dictate your future."

He is right, this is my Olympics, my time to shine. Bella or no Bella this time the gold is mine.

* * *

A/N: I hope you liked it

thinking about doing alternative POV's until they meet up again what do you think about that?

Thinking about Edward in a Speedo does things to me LOL

If I made a tumblr with pics and maybe a playlist for this story would you enjoy that as well

Review if you want too


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: So here is Chapter 3

**Just a heads up there is a flashback within the flashback just so you are aware**

Also if you want I started a blog for this story

the blog address is: against the wall dot blog spot dot com

( of course take out the dots and put in a . and take out the spaces)

I will have pics to go with the chapters they coincide with and also I have put a playlist of music that I write this story to. I think having the visuals and music help so you can check that out I'll post the address on my profile too

**oh and I will be doing a teaser every Monday on the blog so check that out as well**

**Again this is dedicated to the ones I love Lucy and Ethel and our love for a green Speedo LOL wink wink **

* * *

The sun shinning through the hotel curtains woke me up, I could barley open my eyes to see the dust motes making their dance across the streaks of the golden sun streaming through the big picture window on the east wall. The sweat covering my body and hotel sheets twisted around my limbs all pointed to me having another night of restless sleep, surprising. The giant Migraine that was forcing itself upon me was not a good sign. Today was going to suck huge ass balls.

I untangled my limbs from the confines of the luxury bedding and checked out my surroundings. I was definitely no longer in the USA that was certain, I don't know what gave it away, could it have been the gold candelabra like light fixtures flanking both sides of the queen size bed. Or maybe it was all the floral patterns on everything from the sheets and comforter to the curtains draped across the picture window. Or maybe it was the huge crystal chandelier above my head and the plush pink velvet settee at the end of the bed. Ugh. I sighed and plopped back face first into the big white fluffy pillows and let out a muffled scream.

It was not a dream, I really let Jasper talk me into getting on a plane and coming to London. I was putting my head on the chopping block, and more than likely going to ruin… could I say his name without hurting myself… I sucked in all the air I could find with my face planted in the pillow… Edward. There I said it and damn if that didn't hurt. I rolled on my side and lay in a fetal position; I was going to ruin him once again what the hell was I thinking.

I've tried many times to go back, back to Palo Alto back to him, but every time something stops me. Don't know if it's from fear of rejection, no I could handle rejection. It's the fear that because I so recklessly threw what we had away like a piece of disgusting trash I gave him the opportunity to be in the arms of another women and I couldn't handle seeing that. That's what kept me from going back and begging him to forgive me. I knew the minute Tanya Denali found out I walked away, her beautifully manicured claws would come out and she would sink them into his toned biceps. I couldn't blame him if he chose her, she was perfect with her beautiful long strawberry blonde hair always in place, her big blue eyes, and being a swimmer made her perfect for him. Not some mousy, brown haired, nerdy, bookworm.

No he wouldn't choose her, would he; he told me she wasn't his type. I closed my eyes willing the pounding in my head to stop before my head exploded.

_I was sitting on a bench inside the Avery aquatic center; Edward had just finished up practice and had gone inside to change. Knowing he would be a while I decided to pull out my Art history textbook to get a quick study session on. I pulled my hair up into a messy bun and stuck a pencil through it to keep it in place not really caring what it would look like since we would be taking a spin on my bike and it would be up in a helmet. I lost a damn bet and needed to pay up, why did I make that bet with him, I shook my head stupid, stupid me; he will probably kill me today._

_Ever since our Ice cream date Edward has been bugging me to let him drive my Ducatti, my answer was always no, I never let anyone drive my baby. One night during a study/makeout session he asked what it would take to let him drive it, so being a smart ass I said he had to wear a neon green thong to his next practice, knowing he would never do it. I thought it was a safe bet. Edward just grinned and said game on baby. He texted me the next day and asked if I was coming to his practice that day. Of course I hadn't missed a single practice or meet if they were at home that week. I giggled remembering that day earlier in the week._

_I showed up like I always did for his practice and planted my ass on the silver bench and pulled out a textbook to study although I never really studied I pretty much was in awe watching him glide through the water like a flying fish. I heard the whistles and looked up, there he was walking out of the locker room. The girls were giggling over in their practice pool like they always did and I rolled my eyes. My eyes zeroed in on his toned hairless chest; I had to wipe the drool seeping out of the corners of my mouth. I was no better than the bimbos down there in the pool when it came to seeing Edward in a Speedo but today he had a towel wrapped around his waist very uncharacteristic of him. I knew he had a surprise waiting for me underneath that white towel hanging low on his hips, and I secretly smiled. He got to the edge of the pool and stood up on the starting blocks._

_Coach Clapp yelled from the side of the pool. " Drop the towel Cullen or it's an extra lap for you."_

_He turned toward where he knew I was sitting and slowly undid the knot at his waist, I scooted closer to the edge of my seat anticipating what was underneath and licked my lips. When the towel dropped to the wet ground below his starting block I covered my mouth to stop the gasp from coming out, oh baby underneath that white virginal towel was the smallest lime green Speedo known to man. Catcalls were ringing through the air the majority of them coming from the girls side and I knew, since his ass was facing their way he was showing a bare side of himself._

_Oh shit he was going to be in so much trouble from his coach, he required they wear red or white Speedo's, to every practice, Edward said it kept the team spirit up in the pool. But I knew the color was just the tip, the thong would send his coach over the edge. I had just opened Pandora's box on Edward, now I was feeling guilty; I should have just let him drive the damn thing._

_Coach Clapp was turning red and I could see the steam coming out from his ears. " Cullen since you seem to think its okay to let everyone see your ass you will be swimming extra laps today and staying after to clean the pool deck do you understand, am I making myself clear Cullen."_

_I was feeling really guilty now, and tears were beginning to form in my eyes, I was a terrible human being, I was pond scum._

_" Yep, Crystal clear." Edward answered him._

_The guilt washed away quickly when Edward winked at me and turned around, there right in front of my eyes was the nicest hairless ass I had ever seen, not that I had seen many but oh my god it was a masterpiece. I had to close my legs to keep my nether regions from exploding. When he bent over to get in his starting position I think I might have come on the spot._

_I couldn't help the giggle that escaped my lips. I went back to focusing on the renaissance period in my textbook when the cackling of girly voices made me look up. Tanya Denali, the bane of my existence, well at least since Edward showed interest in me. And her little followers were standing in front of me_

_" Well, well well what do we have here. If it isn't pathetic little Isabella Swan." She pretty much spat my name._

_" I know you were behind that little stunt Edward pulled the other day, what does he get out of it a night of mindless chit chat about art, you think you're cute making him do something like that don't you."_

_I held my tongue I really wanted to say something smart back to her, knock her down a few notches but like my father Charlie always said "be the bigger person Bells." So I just looked up at her and smiled._

_She leaned down and got right in my face flipping my book closed. "I'm going to let you in on a little secret Bella, you're nothing and as soon as Edward is through playing in the kiddie pool, he'll be back playing in the deep end with the big girls."_

_She flipped her wet blonde tresses over her shoulder. I really wanted to smack the grin off her face I was ready to stand up and give her a piece of my mind but Edward's silky voice stopped me from doing so._

_" Ladies is there a problem here?" he asked raising his eyebrows waiting on Tanya's response._

_" No, we were just saying hi to Isabella."_

_" It's Bella Tanya, well if your done chit chatting you should run along, Bella you ready to go, I'm ready for that ride of a lifetime you promised me." Edward held his hand out to me; I hurried and shoved my books in my backpack snickering. I stood up and put my hand in his, Edward brought it up to his lips placing a sweet sensual kiss on my knuckles earning sighs from Tanya's minions._

_I turned and smiled at her. " See you around Tamara."_

_Edward giggled and pulled me towards the exit. " Jeez I was afraid the claws were about to come out."_

_" They might have had you not intervened. " I put my hands over my heart. " Oh Edward my hero." I tried to use a southern accent but failed miserably_

_Edward laughed and swept me up in his arms. " Where's Black Beauty, I'm ready to test drive her." He craned his neck looking around the parking lot; he set me back on my feet when he couldn't find her._

_" I left her back at the dorms, I hitched a ride over here with Angela."_

_His pout made me giggle; he's so damn adorable. I had to kiss those sweet lips. I stood up on my tiptoes so I could reach them. " You wouldn't expect me to carry two helmets around campus all day would you."_

_" You're right, guess we get to take my dad car back to the dorms."_

_I had called his precious Volvo a dad car the night he took me out for coffee, he feigned hurt at first but said his real muscle car was in his garage at his parent's house. I think he was full of shit._

_" I like your dad car." I giggled and climbed inside. He shut the passenger door and ran around to his side tossing his duffel bag in the back seat._

_We made it to my building in record time. As soon as Edward had the car in park he was out and over to BB hugging and caressing her. I rolled down the window and stuck my head out._

_" Um you forgetting something." I dangled the keys out the window._

_I unbuckled my seatbelt and started to get out. Edward was back at the car opening my door._

_" Sorry I'm just excited."_

_" I see what woman has your heart."_

_" You know it's you Bella." he leaned down and captured my lips in his earning a moan from me. I could feel his smile against my lips so I shoved him off me._

_" Okay let's get this show on the road, before you get a big head." I took off running for the front of the building._

_" Big head, I'll show you a big head." Edward yelled after me and swatted my ass as he ran by me. I just shook my head. He held the door open for me and we made it up to my room to retrieve the helmets._

_He sat on the bike as I explained every gear, how to shift, where to start it. He patted the seat behind him and I strapped my helmet on and made the sign of the cross. I straddled the bike and wrapped my arms around his waist._

_" Let's roll." I said in the blue tooth._

_He started the engine and slowly pulled out of the parking lot he was struggling with the gears and I cringed. By the time we made it out on the road he finally got the hang of it. We rode through town._

_I'd be lying if I said it wasn't the best ride I had ever been on, holding on to him, smelling his delicious woodsy scent as the wind wafted it back at me and up through my helmet. We stopped at Round table Pizza and a large supreme and some cokes later we were back outside and ready to ride._

_" You mind if I drive now." I asked. Edward had driven well but he still had yet to figure out how fast this baby could go, I wanted to take him on some back roads and really open her up so he could see why I loved her so much._

_" What you want me to ride Bitch, I don't think so."_

_" Oh don't be such a baby, you get to hold on to me this time, think about it." I kissed his soft lips, trying to change his mind. I Put on my helmet and climbed on my bike. Patting the seat behind me._

_Edward sighed and climbed on. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I started the bike. I pulled out of the parking lot and headed for Page Mill Rd. the speed limit was fifty along here and could show Edward some things with the windy road. Edward's hands crept up higher and rested on my boobs._

_" This Okay, I needed some handle bars to hang onto." Edward chuckled in the blue tooth._

_" Don't think so buddy, keep those hands on the waist." He slid them back down._

_I turned the corner onto Page Mill Rd and opened her up, I loved riding fast, and from the sounds of Edward telling me how sexy it was holding onto me in my ear, I think he liked it too._

_We got back to the dorms around dusk, and I parked the bike. Pulling of the helmet I set it down on the bike and pulled my hair out of the bun. I was still straddling the bike when soft lips were on my neck._

_" Thank you for the best ride of my life, that was exhilarating and you're sexy when you drive." Edward's silky voice was at my ear._

_" You are welcome, you're not too bad yourself there tiger." I leaned back against his chest._

_Edward sighed. " Hey Bella, I wanted to ask you something."_

_" Shoot."_

_" If I asked you to come to my parents anniversary party with me this weekend what would you say." He sounded so timid afraid of my answer._

_" Oh how sweet you want to take me home to meet the rents, I'm flattered, but." I spun around on the seat to face him. His face looked so sad. He really thought I was going to say no. A no was more than likely._

_" I just don't think I would fit in with the crowd, if you know what I mean." I hung my head, I knew his father was a surgeon and his mother owned a interior design firm that designed high end hotels around the world. Yeah little ole me from Podunk Forks Washington a cops daughter, would not have anything in common with the rich folk Edward was accustomed to_

_" Stop how many times do I have to tell you, my family will love you Bella how could they not." He kissed my lips and I nodded my head._

_" Okay, fine I'll come but what should I wear. Is it like formal?" I asked. Knowing I really had nothing to wear, I was a jeans and T-shirt kind of girl._

_Edward chuckled. " don't fret, I'll sic my sister on you, she will have a hay day dressing you up she's been bugging me about meeting you since the day I hit you with the football."_

_"Oh really." I raised my eyebrows at him._

_" I kind of told her I met the girl of my dreams that night, and ever since she's called me asking when I would be introducing you to the family, she's kind of a pest just a forewarning."_

I pulled the pillow over my face to hide the smile, I never allowed myself to remember the happy times it hurt too much.

" What's the smile for."

I jumped at voice at the door. " Don't you know how to knock." Jasper was fully dressed in jeans and a white polo.

" I came to get your lazy ass up out of bed."

I looked at the clock it said noon and I groaned. " Jasper I'm still on Mountain Time you idiot, it's only five according to my body clock. I pulled the covers over my head.

" Get up we have reservation for afternoon tea downstairs at one thirty, and then we have to go pick up the press passes waiting for you at Olympic village."

" Afternoon tea really Jasper, you know how I feel about dressing up."

" Don't go there Bella, at least not right now. Rose is coming too she sent over a dress for you to wear."

I groaned. " Great a Whitlock and a Hale afternoon tea grilling party, just perfect."

" Get up you lazy ass, come on it'll be fun, something new to try."

" I have a migraine." I pulled a pillow over my head.

" Do I have to pull the covers off and throw you in the shower myself."

" Nooooo." I shrieked and held onto the covers tighter.

" Are you naked Bella Swan?"

" Jasper Whitlock I swear to god if you don't get out of here, I will stay in this bed for the remainder of our trip."

" Fine but if your not in the shower in five minutes I'll be in here and your cute little ass will be in that shower clothed you understand."

" Yes dad." I threw a pillow at his head.

He closed the door laughing. I sighed and got up out the bed. I wandered into the bathroom, turned on the water in the shower, and stripped out of my boy shorts and cami.

The warm water trickled down my body, wishing the warmth would sooth the one ache that wont go away. Nothing will take away that hurt.

I washed up quickly and stepped out of the shower. I dried off with the towel on the heated rack wrapping it around my body. I walked over to the counter and pulled out my makeup bag and brush. I got my hair tamed and blown dry. put a light layer of makeup on and walked over to the dress bad hanging on the back of the door. Sighing I slowly undid the zipper, knowing Rose I'm pretty sure it was something lacy and frilly. I slowly opened the sides of the black bag and closed my eyes really Rose. Shaking my head I pulled out the offending garment, and slipped it on. I pulled out the nude heels and clutch. And walked out to the living room, knowing Jasper would be out there waiting on me.

" Rose is out of her freaking mind, I look like Julia Roberts in that polo scene in Pretty Women."

Jasper looked up from the newspaper he was reading. " I admit its pretty much the same dress but Bella you don't look like a made over hooker, you look beautiful."

" I can't do this Jasper." I tried to pull the dress down over my knees.

" Bella you need to stop letting that scar own you."

I sat down on the sofa across from him. " Jasper I wake up every morning and its right there, its not going away anytime soon, its mine for life, my bad choices led to it and I have to live with that the rest of my life. My best friend is no longer walking on this earth because of me. I hurt everyone that mattered to me. I was the one that woke up in that hospital bed and saw the disappointment on all of their faces. You don't have a clue what it felt like seeing Edward's dreams shattered. You were not the one the media blamed for their only hope of a gold being lost."

" Bella, stop, listen that's not what I'm saying… God girl what I'm trying to say is yes it's ugly, yes it hurts, and yes everyone's dreams were shattered in a blink of an eye, but it's a part of you and people might stare at you and think wow that's an ugly scar wonder how she got it. But they don't know do they… don't hide it girl, it's part of who you are and until you take that first flight and just step off the edge you wont know how to fly my baby bird."

" Wow getting philosophical on my already." I bent down and slipped on the girly heels Rose sent over, she's crazy thinking I can pull these off.

" Well my dear if your are ready, let's go to tea." Jasper held out his elbow for me to wrap my arm around his. He's such a true southern gentleman.

" Why thank you my dear by the way you look dashing, don't think I have ever seen you wearing a jacket and tie." I grabbed my clutch and we headed out of the suite.

He just shrugged. " I'm branching out, trying to fit in with the locals."

" Yeah whatever. So why is it we are going for tea? Why couldn't we just find a nice café to have this little meeting? And don't say you just wanted to get together, I know you Jasper, you have ulterior motives." I pushed my pointer finger in his chest.

Jasper backed into the waiting elevator. " I plead the fifth."

" Whatever, I'm coming so I don't have to listen to your whiny ass the rest of the trip that I didn't indulge in some kind of local fair."

Jasper just laughed. The elevator came to a stop and we walked into the Palm court, the gold and floral accents were overwhelming, I could feel the walls closing in on me. I started fidgeting with my clutch in my hand. The waiter seated us in front of a huge wall of gold mirrors.

I looked around ladies were sipping their tea with their pinky's out, they all had elaborate hats on their heads, I suddenly felt underdressed and like I didn't belong in the room with this elite group of people.

" Stop Bella…"

" What?" I asked and looked up into the mirror and gasped, there walking towards us was Emmett and Rose.

" I cant do this Jasper, Emmett really I would have rather taken on the pixie, at least I stood a chance with her, Emmett is going to squash me, I really don't like you at all Jasper." I went to stand up. Fresh tears clotting my eyes

" Sit your ass down young lady. You will sit here and deal with this…Rose wanted me to meet him, and she is sick of lying to him. You can't fault her for that now can you?"

I sat back down in the soft yellow velvet chair and covered my eyes… I can't do this. " Jasper please."

He just raised an eyebrow at me, I knew Emmett was standing behind me, I could feel the anger rolling off of him. " What the fuck is she doing here?" Emmett's boisterous voice carried through the Palm court garnering the attention of the prim and proper seated at the other tables. I think there were a few gasps.

Rose gave Jasper the I told you so look, then glared at me. This is not going to be pretty.

" Emmett, this is my Brother Jasper, and his good friend Bella, but you two already know each other, isn't that right Bella." Rose said with so much ire in her voice.

" Rose, what do you mean friend, you never told me about knowing her, I told you all those things and all this time you never said a thing." He pulled his hand out hers and turned to leave.

Rose grabbed his arm. " Emmett please, just… can we sit down, I never wanted to lie to you, I just felt she needed to pull her head out of her own ass and confront all of you, it wasn't my place and I would have told you eventually. I'm sorry really I am." She pleaded.

" Fine I'll sit, but not by her." He walked over by Jasper and sat down in the chair against the mirrored wall

Rose sat down in the chair next to me. She turned and focused her icy blue eyes on me. " I told you so." She turned back to face Jasper and Emmett.

" So is this a new boy toy, what you think its okay just to tear out my brothers heart and rip it to shreds, how can you move on so easily?"

" It's not like that." I hung my head.

" Then what's it like Bella, huh tell me why are you here? Are you really that sick. It took us 3 years to get him back where he is now; I'm not going to let you ruin him again.

I didn't have time to answer him; the waitress came over and brought us a tray of scone's, pastries, cakes and finger sandwiches, and held the silver teapot in the other hand. She poured it in each of our cups. I looked up at the wall and saw my reflection in the mirror; I hate myself even more, knowing that I hurt everyone.

I took a sip of my tea." You think it was easy for me to leave Emmett, you think it doesn't kill me everyday being away from Edward."

" Then why Bella, why did you leave."

Rose and jasper were just sitting there drinking their tea and eating the sandwiches letting us talk. I knew now why we were having tea, Japser and Rose were once again saving me. They knew I needed to not only apologize to Edward I needed to do the same too all of his family, and they started off with Emmett.

I took a deep breath, the tears that clouded my eyes spilled down on my cheeks. " I know you will never understand why I left, but it wasn't about me and my hopes and dreams being crushed, it was about Edward's and the fact it was my fault they were."

I stood to leave I couldn't do this anymore. " I'm sorry Emmett, I don't know what else to say. Jasper Rose thanks for the tea. I think Edward deserves to hear my reasons why before anyone else." I set my napkin on the table and walked out of the room.

I fumbled through my purse looking for my card key, and walked to the elevator, the doors were about to shut when a huge hand stopped them.

" Bella, look Edward's been through hell and back, he's still hurting, I'm just looking out for him, why are you here answer me that please." The doors closed to the elevator.

" I'm here for work, I wasn't going to come I originally turned down the offer, but Jasper talked me into coming."

" So what is he to you?"

" He started out as my psychologist, but has been a really good friend ever since I walked onto their ranch."

" So that's where you went."

" Yes Emmett that's where I went, and if it wasn't for Jasper and Rose I'm pretty sure I would be lying in the cemetery next to my mom."

He grabbed my arms and pulled me into a hug, I couldn't help the sob that broke out of me. " I'm sorry, I'm so god damn sorry."

" Shhh… just try not to hurt him too bad Bella, he's come so far, and he wants that gold so bad."

" I know, he deserves it too. I love him Emmett, I always have and I always will." The tears rolled down my face and landed on his navy blue jacket.

" He needs you, he won't admit it but he does Bella we all do. Just don't hide from him too long please. I see now how it's killed Rose, and its going to kill me to not say anything to him or my family, but I see what you mean he should be the first one to know the reason's why you left. I'll keep it a secret till then."

I nodded my head; the elevator ding alerted me I was on my floor I walked out in the hall, Emmett following behind me. " I just want him to get at least one gold before I see him, he deserves that much after I robbed him four years ago."

" I understand that's what you think Bella, and until you talk to Edward you wont see it any other way I know how stubborn you are, but you didn't rob him, he chose to come home Bella."

" Emmett, if I didn't go to that party nothing would have happened."

" Has anyone told you that was fate, it happened for a reason whether that was so you learned and grew from it, or because that was the path you were suppose to take, I don't know but what ifs are never good Bella."

" You've been hanging around Rose to long."

We both laughed.

" So are we talking on July thirtieth when he swim's his freestyle final, or are you talking the next day when are you going to go see him. I just want to be prepared."

" Probably the next day let him have his moment."

" So you have this all planned out."

I shook my head. " No not really he might even see me before then, I'm here as press Emmett, luckily I don't have to cover swimming, but he might see me at opening ceremonies, or even around Olympic park."

" You're here as press?"

" Yes I do some freelance photography for a magazine where I live, a couple athlete's from there are here competing they wanted me to get some pictures of them and the opening ceremonies for an upcoming issue."

" Well it looks like you can still enjoy one of your passions." Emmett gave me a genuine smile.

" Yes, I have my own gallery too."

" That's awesome Bella, so where is it you call home now."

" Park City."

" Utah?"

" You say that like it's a bad thing."

" No, it's just you always talked like you hated Forks, the last place I thought you would be is the mountains."

" It's grown on me, and I like the small town life."

" I bet you do, no Photogs harassing you."

" Yep."

" I understand. Just be careful with him okay. I better get back to Rose she'll have my nut sack if I don't at least try to drink some tea."

I chuckled. " Yeah well good luck with that." I headed down.

" Bella, wait." I turned back around.

Emmett picked me up off the ground and gave me another hug. " It's nice to see you again, and you really look great except for the nasty scar, I wish I could erase it."

More tears sprung. " I know, I wish I could turn back time and never give in to going to that party."

" Hey don't cry I didn't say it to make you feel bad, I just wish you didn't have to go through all of that."

" Thanks." He set me back down on my feet.

" Bye for now Bella, I'll see you next week."

" Bye Emmett." I walked down the suite I was sharing with Jasper and with the door closed behind me I slumped to the floor and cried.

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A/N: so a Speedo thong huh, swimmerward is not afraid to bare it all for a chance to drive her bike.

** Yes there are pics of the green thong on the blog go check it out**

Okay slowly we are getting there, one character at a time, so if you caught on there is a schedule you can expect the meeting to take place on that date.

Hope you guys liked this chapter


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: so here is chapter 4 I got off schedule posting it because of some RL stuff the last couple days now that I'm back in the saddle you might just get another update tomorrow or Sat to keep up with the schedule of the Olympics.

That being said I just want all my readers to know **this is my happy place.**

**I dont Own Twilight or Edward and Bella I just like to play with them in my head.**

* * *

The constant ringing of the alarm clock woke me up from a fitful night sleep. Really wish I didn't agree to stay in athletes village this year.

I groaned. Slamming my hand down on the snooze button I rolled over and closed my eyes trying to get five more minutes of sleep before I needed to be up and at the gym.

" Cullen get your lazy ass up out of bed."

" Five more minutes mom." I groaned and stuck my head under the pillows.

" You douche get up, Aro is already on the rampage and I'm not in the mood to do extra squats today."

I stretched and threw the covers off. " These beds suck, I think the last time I slept in a twin was when I was nine."

" I know, how do they expect us to do a girl in these things."

" For the love of god if you bring a girl here please give me some warning I don't want to be walking in and see your naked ass pounding away at some free pussy." I grabbed my toiletry bag and slammed the bathroom door closed.

" Oh come on Cullen have you seen the Swedish swimmers, I'm up for an Orgy." Kirk's whiny voice seeped through the door.

I shook the worm and flushed the toilet feeling a huge relief on my bladder. Too bad I left my watch on the night stand that piss should have been timed, I bet it was close to four minutes.

I splashed water on my face and brushed my teeth. I walked out to the bed and sat down.

" Why are you in such slow motion this morning."

" Kirk seriously just head over to the gym if you're in that big of a hurry."

" Aro said we have to stay together."

" This isn't a kindergarten field trip, I'm a big boy."

I slipped on my blue USA shorts and T-shirt then reached down for my tennis shoes.

He stood at the door with his arms folded. " I'm waiting for you so hurry the fuck up."

" Don't get your panties in a bunch." I tied my laces and grabbed my backpack.

" Finally." Kirk was at the door holding it open.

It pissed me off when Aro put me in with Kirk, he thought since we swam together at Stanford it would be great if we roomed together, he thought we were friends and we were at one time. I pulled away after... I couldn't say her name. After everything, I wanted to blame everyone that knew her. The problem was I blamed everyone but her. I'm surprised people still wanted to be my friend after that.

We walked down to the foyer, everyone was there waiting on us. Aro looked at his watch and scowled.

" Boys you are late, the girls even beat you. That's twenty extra squats today."

Kirk punched my bicep then shook his hand. " Told ya he's on the war path asshole."

I just shrugged. We were a minute late. Aro has had it out for me since the trials.

Aro clapped his hands together." Now that we are all here the reason I want us to train together, is because I want the world to see we are a team, we support each other, we train together and in the pool we swim together. After the disastrous swims in Beijing we need a gold, I don't want to be let down, now that being said we have today's weight training in the gym and then one last swim in the pool tomorrow before opening ceremonies. After that all of your schedules are different. I expect you all to be on top of your games in the pool. Like I said for the last 2 months I expect you guys to be on your best behaviors. Boys don't make me remind you the rule about if I don't know about it its fine, and girls please keep another female with you at all times, do I make myself clear.

We all nodded our heads, and answered "yes sir."

He turned on his heel and led us out of our apartments to the gym.

After thirty minutes on the treadmill, four rounds of arm curls with eighty five pound weights, a million crunches, twenty minutes on the rowing machine, a hundred squats and a bucket of sweat later I was ready to blow this joint. Too many girls were trying to get my attention; I just wanted to get my workout in without being looked at like I was something to eat.

" Cullen, Hardy don't forget your extra squats, everyone else hit the cafeteria for breakfast don't forget it needs to be packed with protein."

Aro called out from his perch on the bench with the other coaches. And went back to looking at the schedule.

My thigh's and ass were on fire by the time I was done with the extra twenty squats, I grabbed my gym towel and wiped the sweat off my forehead and back. I took out my ear buds and grabbed my water bottle; I stopped at the water fountain to fill it up.

" Dude did you see Tanya, she was eyeing you the whole time, when are you finally going tap that fine ass." Kirk said as he sidled up next to me at the drinking fountain.

" Never." I said as I leaned down lapping up some water before twisting on the cap to my water bottle.

" Perfectly gorgeous women fall at your feet and you turn them down, have your turned gay on me man."

I was ready to punch the asshole, according to Jessica he was the one that pumped vodka into Bella's water bottle. I've never came out and asked him directly cause if he did confess I'd have to kill him. I shook those thoughts away and sighed.

" No, Kirk I'm not gay, I notice them but they don't do anything for me, plus I'm focused on training and winning a gold right now I don't have time to date."

" Bella sure did a number on you."

That did it, he was pressed up against the white wall my hand around his throat. " You don't get to talk about her, do you understand. I know it was you that put the vodka in her water bottle, so… don't ever say her name." I spat in his face.

I was ripped away from him my back hit the opposite wall. " Edward, do we need to dismiss you from this team." Aro was right in my face.

I put my hands on my legs and hung my head. " No."

" I don't want to ever see you put your hands on another team member unless it's a hug from a win or a high five do you understand me."

" Yes Sir." I took deep breaths, I was letting Bella get to me again, something that I told my family and therapist I wouldn't do."

" Good now Edward that little stunt landed you extra laps in the pool tomorrow, also I'm sending you to the team therapist, you obviously need to get some of this garbage off your chest."

" Fine I think you are right I need to clear my head."

" Good, but Dr. Grenady had an emergency we brought in another therapist last minute."

" I change my mind then, I'm not talking to someone that has no clue about me."

" He has your file he's been studying it for the last few weeks, he's wanted to talk to you for a while now."

Just great I said under my breath, everyone wanted to talk to me, especially right after she left. I closed down, shut myself off from everyone and left California I went to my parent's private estate in Italy. I needed time away from everything, but especially from all the reporters they were camped outside the hospital everyday, then even camped outside my parent's house in Palo Alto, it was too much. I took a year off from school and swimming I wanted to retire, to give it up, but Alice wouldn't let me give up, she came to Italy every month and begged me to come back, to keep swimming. And so I did.

" Kirk I think you should walk over to the cafeteria with coach Clapp, Edward needs some space.

Kirk and coach Clapp walked out of the gym.

I picked up my backpack, towel and water bottle from the floor. " Fine text me the time I'm suppose to meet him, and I'll be there."

I walked out the doors to the gym; Tanya was perched against a tree. I walked past her ignoring her pleas for me to stop.

" Edward, please stop."

I whirled around really not wanting to talk to her. " What do you want Tanya."

" I just wanted to walk with you to breakfast, is that okay." She sidled up next to me, I cringed and stepped away putting distance between her and I.

" Whatever Tanya, but just so we are clear you and I are not friends do I make myself clear."

" Wow Bella turned you into a bitter dick."

Now I was always raised never to lay a hand on a woman, and I never will but right now Tanya was treading on thing ice. I raised my eyebrows at her in warning.

She raised her hands." Look you and I both know Bella and I never got along, I just wanted to walk with you to see if we can talk."

" Talk about what Tanya." I started walking back on the path to the cafeteria.

" When you left school for that year, we all missed you. I worried about you everyday and then when you came back and pleaded to get back on the team I was so excited. But I saw the looks you got and the whispers and my heart broke for you Edward and not because I wanted something from you, or to be with you like you think… I knew I lost that chance when…." She stopped talking and tears came to her eyes.

Taking a deep breath." What are you not telling me Tanya." I asked.

" I knew if you found out what really happened at the party that night you would never talk to me again."

" Go on." I motioned for her to keep talking.

She sighed. " I was the one that put Vodka in Bella's water."

I wanted to punch a wall. " Why." I yelled garnering the attention to the other athletes on the walking path.

I closed my eyes trying to get my anger under control." Sorry, I yelled. Just why would you do that."

" I don't know, it was really stupid I was hoping I could catch her doing something that would make you two breakup." She hung her head.

" Tanya not to be rude but you were never really bright, did you not have a clue how much I loved her, how much I still love her."

" No Edward I thought it was just a silly crush, I guess I had blinders on I really never saw what you saw in her, I never thought you could possibly love the girl. And I'm sorry really, really sorry."

I took a deep breath here this whole time I was blaming Kirk, thinking he was the one that did it. Not that he gets a pass cause he was the one trying to get Bella to kiss him, this he did confess to me, but he said she turned him down.

" Is there anything else you would like to tell me." I asked.

" Yeah I might have said something's to her that night that were pretty nasty. Things that I really regret now."

I tensed my jaw. " Like what."

" They are not worth saying Edward, I don't want to hurt you too."

" You already did by hurting her, so just tell me what you said."

" I told her she was a nobody, and that you would get sick of her and leave."

Okay those were pretty tame, she was told that many times by a lot of girls, I knew Bella had a thick skin and she put up with a lot from the girls that thought they could get in my pants.

" But what made her cry and leave the party that night was when I told her she was stupid for trying to get in Juliard. I told her she was not good enough and that when she gets rejected in NY she wont have anyone to come home crying too. I told her you would leave her. And then I said something that is unforgivable…. I told her, her dead mother would be ashamed of what a loser she was."

I closed my eyes and the tears ran down my face. " Please tell me this is a lie Tanya."

" I can't Edward, I said them, after the accident, after everything I went to counseling Edward, I felt guilty and it was eating me up."

" Glad you feel better now, but do you know what that probably did to her, no I know what that did, Tanya she left everyone, my family, me and her father. Everyone Tanya do you understand that, she left and was all alone."

" I know, and I can't say I'm sorry enough."

" Why tell me this now, why not when I came back from Italy."

" You just closed yourself off from everyone, you came to practice, you swam you kept to yourself then you left the team again I really never saw you after that and I never thought there was a good time too."

" Except now, at the start of the Olympics when my head is already swimming with so many emotions you thought is was a good time to tell me this."

" It's not like that, it's just I didn't think that I was even going to be here, but when Lauren pulled out from her injury and I got the call I knew I needed to tell you."

We reached the cafeteria, I needed to put all this behind, she apologized said she was sorry to me.

" Well I hope if you ever get the chance to see Bella again you apologize to her cause she deserves it Tanya. That girl had all her dreams set out in front of her, you and I both know that she was an excellent dancer and Juliard would not have passed her up. Jealousy is ugly Tanya. And I know that you were not the one that drove the car into her and Angela but had you not chased her out of the house things might have been different."

" I know. So you haven't seen her since she left the hospital."

" No Tanya, I have not seen or heard from her in four years, and it kills me everyday knowing she is somewhere out there by herself, or maybe she has found somebody else. I don't really know."

We both got in line to get our food. " Well I hope she comes back to see you someday, you're a good guy Edward, she's crazy to have left you."

" Thank you Tanya, that means a lot coming from you. I know I've been bitter and distant, it's just so many things trigger too many good memories and it hurts so I just try to avoid them as much as I could one reason I stopped swimming at Stanford and switched to training with the Palo Alto Marlins.

" I know Edward, I just hope you are happy that's all I wanted all along and I see know how happy she made you, your beautiful smile is gone, and I hope one day it returns."

She grabbed her tray and went and sat down with the other female swimmers. I grabbed mine and sat down by Mike.

My phone beeped alerting me to a text. I pulled it out of my side pocket in my backpack. It was from Aro.

Meeting with Dr. Whitlock at one o'clock in your dorm room, I'll keep Kirk busy and out of your room, you have three hours use them wisely I expect to see you there. Aro

I typed my reply and hit send. I dug into my scrambled eggs and my wheat toast, I finished off a bowl of oatmeal and took my tray to dump it setting it on the conveyer belt and walked out of the room.

There were gray clouds forming in the sky so I went over to the Internet café to relax and catch up on my emails before my meeting with the therapist.

I walked in the room and plopped myself down on one the white space like stools in front of a computer, I had left my laptop in my room and did not feel like walking all the way back there to get it.

I logged onto my Gmail account and browsed through the hundreds of Emails in my inbox, most of it was spam. I landed on one that I had not wanted to open since I left California for London. I left the cursor hanging over it and gave in opening it.

I started reading, not being able to keep tears from falling down my face.

Dear Edward,

I writing this hoping you will read it. I want to tell you how proud I am of you for chasing your dreams and for not giving up on them I know that's what my daughter would have wanted you to do. I know that gold is yours son, go beat the other assholes Edward show them who's boss. I'll be cheering from my front room in forks although it will all be tape delayed.

Charlie.

I chuckled he never was a man of many words, I know his sending this to me probably made him feel like he was betraying Bella, but I was so grateful he still thought about me. We became close friends after she left. We both stood there in her empty hospital room dumbfounded holding our notes. He bought me a beer that night and we both sat there crying in the bar.

I don't know if she has called him, or if she has gone back to Washington to see him, I only hear from him once a year when he calls to wish me a Happy Birthday.

I typed a reply basically thanking him for keeping in touch and for his support, I also gave my if you see or hear from Bella tell her I think about her everyday line and hit send.

I closed out my email erased the history and sat down in one of the green chairs opposite the computers. I pulled out my phone and texted the one person I really needed.

Hey pixie today sucked, I was late to my workout had to do extra squats, then Kirk goaded me and I pinned him against the wall. Aro is sending the new therapist to talk to me later today, then when I was walking to breakfast, Tanya of all people corners me and tells me crap that went down at the party the night Bella was hit. Can you believe she was the one that put the vodka in Bella's drink? Then she told me things she said to Bella; it was awful Alice really awful. Hope your day is going good TTYL; love ya your awesome wombmate.

I looked down at my watch and saw the time was twelve thirty, I headed over to the apartments and up to my room and plopped myself down on the bed.

Oh angel if you never had left things would be so different. I thought to myself.

A knock came on the door and I went to open it. Aro was standing there with a young looking blonde man. He had blue eyes and was smiling at me. I moved away from the door and allowed both of them to enter.

" Edward this is Dr. Whitlock. Dr. Whitlock this is Edward Cullen." Aro made his introductions.

I sat down on my bed and faced the therapist. He sat down opposite me on Kirk's bed. Aro left the room.

" First off you can call me Jasper. Now Edward, tell me why I had to change my plans today and come over and see you."

" Didn't Aro tell you?" I asked sliding back up towards the headboard so I could lean against something.

" Yes but I want to hear it from you."

Usually Dr. Grenady would have a notepad and be jotting down everything but this Dr. had nothing. " Don't you want something to write down my answers on?"

" I keep it all stored up in my head I write it down later, I like to not have distractions while talking to my patients and I feel writing everything they say is a huge distraction and makes then not speak from the heart same thing with tape recording."

" Okay, well another teammate was saying some things that set me off, made my kind of angry so I pinned him against the wall."

"Do you have anger issues Edward."

" No. Not usually."

" So what was he saying that set you off."

" Just… he said something's about someone that I use to have in my life."

He sat there thinking. " So this person is no longer in your life, why do you care?"

I knew he was just testing the waters, and Aro had said he read my file surly in there was something about her. " Aro said you read my file so I'm pretty sure you know what this is about."

" Well yes I have but like I said I want to hear it from you."

This was going to take all damn day and I really would like to take a nap before we have to meet up before dinner, I should just be open with him.

" I fucking care because she was the love of my life, she was my every thing, nobody understands that they all think I should just move on, they think how can you fall in love in four months and think that they are the only one. They like to say her leaving me was her way of saying screw you I don't want anything to do with you. But how can she think that way I know what I felt, there was just something electric about the two of us. I fucking loved her, hell I still love her.

Fresh tears were streaming down my face.

" So tell me Edward if she was every thing to you what drove her away."

" I don't have the answer to that. All I can tell you was she was suppose to be fulfilling a lifelong dream to become a professional dancer and I was in Beijing fulfilling mine. I got a call that changed everything my angel was in a hospital bed fighting for her life. I pulled out of the games before my first gold medal race my parents wanted me to at least swim that since our flight was not flying out till the next morning but there was no way I could swim, I was a mess."

I took a breath. "I got back to Palo Alto, Bella was still in a medical induce coma, I never left her side. When she woke up and was told her best friend had been killed, and that I was home. I could see everything piece together on her face, she began to pull away I wouldn't let her though. I was there every day. When she started her rehab she wouldn't let anyone come with her she said she didn't want us to see her struggle. She talked Charlie and me into going home to shower one day and I finally gave in that was the last time I saw her, she left a note on her damn hospital bed saying sorry that she couldn't deal with everything and that was it. I have not seen or heard from her, I have no clue where she is, if she's alive, if she's found somebody else. Nothing it hurts so damn much."

I hugged my knees to my chest. " And when people talk about her like they know her it just set's me off."

" Do you blame her for you not winning any gold medals?"

" No, so many times I want to but I can't, people that don't know Bella, don't know how big that woman's heart is. I know she has her reason's for leaving and it hurts like hell that she didn't think that she could trust me with her pain but no I don't blame her."

He nodded his head. " Have you ever thought about looking her up, trying to find her?"

" Many times and then I just can't bring myself to push enter when I have her name typed in the browser."

" I have a few more questions for you, if you got the chance to see her what would you say?"

I sat pondering that question for a while, what would I say to her. " I don't really know what I would say to be honest. But one thing I would want to know is why, I would hope that she can be honest and answer me that one thing."

" That's fair, would you let her back into your life if she wanted to be a part of it again."

Why is he asking me these things Dr. Grenady never delved this deep? " I don't know what that has to do with the events that took place today."

" It doesn't I'm just trying to get a better read of how you truly feel. And as much as I want to say that I know what you went through I don't have the first clue to how it would feel to have someone you truly love with all your heart walk away from you."

I just nodded my head. " I would hope that we could work past what happened and could make it work, but really I have no clue how anything would be or how I'm going to feel once I see her."

" Fair, do you think maybe after the games, when your life is back to normal you would want to sit down with me, maybe I could help you find her."

" Why would you do that, you don't really know me."

" Your right, I don't but looking through your file, and watching you over the years I want to get to know. And before you say it, I know I'm a therapist, psychologist, shrink whatever you want to call it, but I feel like we could be good friends what do you say."

" Can I get back to you on that."

" Sure, okay one last question and we can be through." I motioned for him to continue.

" Tell me one thing you love about Bella."

There were so many things that I loved about her, I couldn't just name one but I remember the night I fell in love with Bella.

_I saw her before she saw me, I was standing on my parent's back patio, their annual anniversary party/ charity gala for the hospital was in full swing the classical jazz music was blaring through the speakers, and there she was. The soft breeze was blowing her brown curls around her face; she stood on the steps leading to the backyard looking like a goddess in a black and cream lace dress. Alice didn't disappoint that's for sure_

_Alice swiftly took her around the backyard introducing her to my parents many friends and family, I stood perched on the porch by the fireplace where I could watch her every move like a crazy stalker._

_She was smiling at things the people in the little crowded circle were saying, by the looks of them I gathered they were Alice's friends from her design school. One of the boys in the group lifted her hand to his lips, she blushed, and I was livid she was mine nobody gets to put their lips on her._

_I set my glass of coke down on the table and went down to the grass to claim her. Her back was to me and what a glorious back it was, I needed to adjust my pants. She had no clue I was behind her until I wrapped my arms around her waist and placed my lips on the back of her bare shoulder. The boy that held her hand dropped it like it was a hot piece of coal, that's right fucker she's taken._

_" Hi I'm Edward Cullen, Alice's twin brother, and this beautiful woman's boyfriend." I held my hand out over Bella's shoulder for the boy to shake._

_" Edward stop, he was just being nice." Bella whispered in my ear._

_I just chuckled. " Baby nobody and I mean nobody gets to kiss any part of your body."_

_" Stupid men." Bella humphed and walked over to where Alice was standing talking to my parents._

_I hurried over there before my sister took it upon herself to introduce Bella to them. I sidled up next to her and wrapped my left arm around her waist pulling her into my hip._

_" I'm sorry." I whispered in her ear. Then turned to my parents._

_" Mom, dad this is my girlfriend Bella, Bella this is my mom and Dad."_

_" Dr. and Mrs. Cullen it's a pleasure to meet both of you." Bella held out her hand._

_" Sweetie please call me Esme, and you don't have to call him Doctor it goes to his head, just cal him Carlisle." My mom grabbed Bella in and embrace._

_" It's so nice to finally be able to put a name with a face, Edward and Alice both cant stop talking about you, I feel like I know you already." My mom stepped back taking a look at Bella._

_" Edward was right you are beautiful. Come lets go mingle." She wrapped her arm through Bella's carting her off to go gossip with the ladies._

_Bella look over her shoulder and smiled at me mouthing I'm sorry._

_I motioned for her to go ahead and winked at her causing her to blush._

_My dad patted me on the shoulders. " You did fine young man, she is beautiful."_

_" I know dad she is perfect, I feel like she was on that grass that day for a reason."_

_" I'm sure she was but I still don't buy the I accidentally hit her with the football excuse anymore now that I have seen her. You my son deliberately threw that ball at her."_

_" Okay, okay yes so I did is that a bad thing."_

_" Clearly not." He chuckled and walked away over to the bar where his colleges were standing surly talking about work._

_I stood watching Bella and my mom; anyone that came into a conversation where Bella was seemed totally enamored by her and who could blame them._

_After a while I got bored and joined the group of giggly women to be by Bella's side._

_Dinner was announced and we made our way into the tent, I lead Bella over to our table and pulled the chair out for her, then sat in my, may parents were seated next to Bella and Alice was next to me. Emmett plopped his big ass self down in his chair._

_" Well, well, well what do we have here, little Eddie finally sowed his wild oats and has a girlfriend." Bella blushed and looked down trying to hide._

_" Emmett stop." My mom reprimanded him._

_" I'm just teasing Bella, Eddie has told me all about you, its nice seeing ya."_

_I just growled at him, I really hated when he called me that name and he knew it, he was trying to goad me. " So Emmett where's your date."_

_" I'm flying solo tonight bro."_

_" Amazing that's a first."_

_" Shut up."_

_" Enough you two. Bella I really hope for your sake you have girls." My mom raised her champagne glass to her lips and took a sip._

_" I heard boys are easier, no drama." Bella said back to my mom._

_" Normally yes but if you have boys and they turn out like these two I'll say a little prayer for you everyday, I don't know how many holes in the walls we had to repair not to mention the furniture we replaced over the years. We'd be millionaires had it not been for these two."_

_" Ma you are millionaires."_

_" Whatever Emmett you get my point right Bella." She just nodded her head._

_" So Bella Edward has told us so much about you, but he hasn't said anything about your family." I gave my dad a warning look._

_I don't think Bella wants to sit here and talk about this, and I really wanted her to feel comfortable around my family. I reached over and gave her knee a squeeze._

_" You don't have to tell them anything if you don't want to Bella." I whispered in her ear._

_" Its fine, well to start with I grew up in Forks Washington, we moved there from Phoenix when I was three, my father is the police chief there, I'm an only child, and I love to dance and art is my second passion."_

_" And you mother what does she do." My mother asked. She was always interested in what other moms did for a living._

_Bella looked at me and I could see tears forming in her eyes. " She died when I was sixteen."_

_" Oh dear I'm sorry that was very insensitive of me to ask you that."_

_" Its okay I thought Edward had told you guys everything."_

_" No he didn't apparently." My mother gave me the stink eye._

_" Well its been a few years although you never get over it some days are much better than others."_

_" Do you mind if I ask how she passed away." Always the doctor in him, my father asked._

_" Um." Bella paused taking a deep breath. " She was a prima ballerina for the Pacific Northwest Ballet Company, she live in Seattle and would come home when she got a free weekend. It was a week before thanksgiving and it was stormy. She was driving on one of the back roads and a logging truck lost control on the slippery road, when the driver overcorrected a log that was not chained properly came off and landed on my mothers car killing her instantly." Tears were streaming down Bella's face. I wrapped her up in my arms hoping to give her some comfort._

_My mother wiped away at her own tears. " Oh sweetie I'm so sorry."_

_" So let's change the subject, what are you majoring in at Stanford." My father asked leaning on the table with his elbows._

_" Art is my major and dance is my minor, but I really want to be a dancer like my mom."_

_" You should see her dance, it takes your breath away how graceful she is on the dance floor."_

_Bella looked up at me and smiled._

_" So if you want to dance so bad why are you at Stanford and not in New York pursuing that." Emmet asked._

_" Julliard was always my dream, but my mother always told me to get a higher education fist then pursue dancing its her only regret not going to college, so when she passed away I decided to do what she asked of me."_

_" Oh I see why art then."_

_" Art has always intrigued me I love taking photos and seeing what the lens captures, and I love looking at what other people have in their heads and then applied onto canvas. It's just fascinating to me." Bella shrugged._

_" So what made you decide to come to Stanford." My father asked._

_" I got a full ride scholarship for dance, that pretty much sealed the deal for me, I didn't want to burden my father with having to pay for my schooling."_

_" Did you guys not get a settlement from the logging company for your mothers death they should have been liable for that." My mother sipped more of her champagne._

_" We did, my dad put mine into a trust fund that I receive when I'm twenty four, or graduate from college what ever comes first. And I didn't want my father to waste his on me. So I worked hard in high school graduated as the valedictorian not that its that hard when there are only eighty kids in your graduating class but I had a 4.0 average and received a score of 2100 on my SAT. That pretty much landed me many scholarships to various colleges and universities. I choose Stanford cause while away from Forks and the Pacific Northwest its still close to home and I like the climate here. I didn't really want to go somewhere cold, and Stanford's dance program is one of the best in the nation, that's why I chose to come to California."_

_I was proud of Bella usually she never talks about herself like this. I kissed her temple._

_" That is certainly something to be proud of Bella, and I bet your mother is looking down on you and smiling big." My father dug into the first course of the night._

_We ate and chatted, when the aution started I wanted to take Bella somewhere and just be alone the both of us, so I thought I would show her my sporty car we held hands as I led her to the garage._

_I flipped on the lights as we entered and Bella's Eyes got wide._

_" Woah, whose are all these cars."_

_" My dad's and mine, see there's my dad car as you like to call it." I pointed to my Volvo. I walked over to my vette._

_" And this is mine also."_

_Bella walked around the car inspecting it she ran her fingers down the side as she walked by._

_" This is a sweet ride, looks like you got yourself a black beauty as well." She said as she perched herself up on the hood on my vintage Corvette and gave me that come hither stare. I shook my head no. I knew if I placed myself between her legs and kissed her I would come in my pants._

_No I needed to savor this moment, so I leaned against the metal tool bench and ogled my girlfriend. She looked so hot and sexy up on the hood crossing her black heeled feet. Her black lace dress rode up showing off her long luscious legs. I couldn't take it anymore I needed to have her._

_" You know how sexy you look right now on my car." I gave her my signature smirk, the one that always seemed to make her melt._

_" You don't say." She batted her eyelashes at me, and leaned back on her elbows, making her breasts jut out further, and made me lick my lips._

_" So Cullen tell me, how many girls have you screwed here on this car." She patted the black hood._

_She did not just ask me that did she; she really wanted to know how many girls I've screwed. One thing about Bella she was always shocking me with her mouth. More like her mouth shocked me anytime it was on my skin, and right now I needed it like I needed oxygen._

_I pushed off the bench and slowly walked over to her. I pushed her legs apart and placed my lips at the delicious spot on her neck that always drove her wild. I loved Bella's skin it is so soft and I can't ever get enough of her taste._

_" Only you babe will be screwed on my car." Now don't get me wrong I was no manwhore but I have had plenty of girls. I was sixteen the very first time and it was with a girl named Jane. It took place in the janitor's closet at school, it was quick and I had no clue what the hell I was doing, but as the years have gone on I have learned want makes women purr._

_I sucked on her neck, causing mewling noises out of Bella. I loved when she made those noises it always made me want to just take her right then and there. So far though we've only had a few great make-out session on her bed, hands would start roaming then a knock on the door would break us apart. I swear her roommates had built in Bella/Edward are making out radar, stupid dorm life._

_Tonight I plan on changing that right here in my parent's garage, on the top of my Vette I would make Bella purr._

_" Mmmmm, oh my god, Edward that feels so good." I was working my way down her neck and across her collarbone._

_" I want you Bella." I whispered against the skin that was exposed above her left breast creating goosebumps._

_" I want you to take me, please Edward tonight right here make me yours"_

_Hot damn right here on the hood of my car, every man's fantasy, I left the space between her legs and quickly headed over to the side garage door and turned the lock._

_" Don't want any intruders now do we."_

_" No don't think that would be a good thing."_

_I resumed my position between her legs running my hands up and down her thighs; I slowly slid them underneath the hem of her dress, shaking from the emotion of knowing that for the first time I was doing this with someone that I loved. I might have not said those three little words yet to her, but tonight I'm going to show her how loved she is._

_When I reached silk I knew there was no going back. I helped her with her dress and when it was off I laid her back on the hood inspecting every inch of her delicious creamy skin. Her tits were in full view; my mouthed watered oh how I want to suck on her pink nipple. And that is what I did I lavished both breast with as much attention as I could, Bella arched her back off the hood of the car every time I sucked hard._

_" You like that don't you." I whispered against her right breast._

_" Oh yeah." Was all she could muster._

_The noises she was making were turning me on so hard, I didn't know how much more I could take. I slipped my fingers down across her belly and stopped at the waistband of her black lace panties. My mouth never left her peaks as I slipped my fingers underneath down into her soft warm center, it was heaven with my fingers inside of her I couldn't imagine what it would feel like with my cock. I slipped them in and out causing Bella to fall over the edge. And when she was done riding out the waves I slipped them out of her panties and into my mouth savoring her delicious juice._

" Wow that must be some memory there you have quite the smile on your face."

I completely forgot the good doc was still in the room. " Yeah it was a good memory." I looked down embarrassed hoping I was not sporting a woody, and what do you know there he was standing at attention in front of a complete stranger, traitor. I hurried and covered myself up with the pillow that was on the bed, but it was too late he was smirking, he saw it.

" So you haven't answered my question what do you or did you love about Bella."

" Everything, I loved everything about her."

" So there's nothing you didn't like."

" Oh well, her stubbornness got on my nerves and her self doubt I had a hard time with but really I fell in love with her heart.

He stood up and grabbed his wallet taking out a card. He handed me the white cardboard rectangle. " Well I hope that help got some things off your mind. Look I just want to say come Sunday I hope your head is clear you deserve to win at least one gold, you're a good man Edward, If you want to talk feel free to call me I'll be here till y'all leave." He said in his southern voice. And then walked out the door.

I flipped over on my stomach and screamed into the pillow, why can't I get her out of my head.

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**A/N: hope you liked it, hope it made you smile**

**I will continue to write till this story has its HEA**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: sorry for taking so long to update I seriously had writers block this last week hopefully it wont happen again.**

**I do not own the characters or Twilight If I did I would be living on a private island laying in a hammock and sipping on cocktails that speedoWard brings to me 24/7**

**One again thanks to my lovelies Ethel and Lucy you girls rock**

**Not Beta'd so any mistakes are mine**

**hope you enjoy.**

* * *

The sun shining through the windows once again woke me up; my body still not accustomed to the time zone was rebelling against the time on the clock. I groaned knowing I needed to be up. Today was the fresh start that I have been longing for, for four long years. I groaned as I stretched my soar muscles and climbed out of bed. I went about my morning routine and hopped in the shower.

The hot water loosened my soar neck muscles, maybe I should have Rosalie give my body and adjustment, the hotel bed although nice was not as soft as my king size canopy bed back home.

I toweled off and slipped on my skinny jeans and my white T-shirt, I wrapped my red belt around my waist slipped on my red ballet flats whipped my hair up into a messy bun and walked out of the room.

My nerves were making my stomach do flops, today was the day I would sit in the aquatic center and watch Edward swim for a gold live with my own two eyes, I've put it off long enough. I watched from the comfort of my hotel room as he swam for the gold in the 400m IM, and again as he swam his semi's and then again for the gold in the 4x100 meter freestyle relay. I cringed when they said Kirk's name that night and almost left the room, never in a million years did I think that he could make the Olympic team and there he was swimming the first leg of the race. His slimy smile plastered on his face when they won made me want to vomit. Edward's on the other hand warmed my soul.

The bile from not eating was making its way up my throat and I ran to the bathroom to expel my stomach contents in the toilet.

Whipping my mouth off with a wash rag I stood up and walked back out into the room.

So much for that pep talk this morning of keeping it together.

I sat down on the hotel bed and clicked through the few thousand pictures I had taken on my Nikon. It was amazing seeing the opening ceremonies live. Sitting behind that barrier on my knees, I was in complete awe. It felt like a live movie.

" What are you looking at." Jasper's smooth voice came from the doorway making me look up from the viewfinder.

I smiled. He was leaning up against the doorway to my room, looking all suave in a pair of dark wash jeans and a button down white and black striped dress shirt. " What you missed out on Friday night."

" I told you I had work." He came over and sat next to me to check out the pictures.

" Well you missed out on an amazing night."

" I'm sure I did, okay that looks cool." It was the picture of the leaf like arms of the Olympic Cauldron raising.

My phone beeped on the nightstand. I reached over and grabbed it. It was just a text from my dad.

Hey baby girl, just seeing how you are. I know you are probably home eating a tub of ice cream, just know I love you and will be here for you call me when you get a chance. Love your pops.

I set the phone on the bed, and turned back to the camera. I am not ready to tell him where I was. I'm not yet willing to tell him I'm falling to my knees once again, this time to finally beg forgiveness from the only person I need it from. If I did he would be on the next plane to London.

I was so scared to go back to Forks, back to fall on my knees on my father's doorstep and beg forgiveness but he welcomed me home with open arms. Of course he was hurt. I left him with nothing, after my mothers death we only had each other and I abandoned him. But I couldn't deal with seeing the disappointment in his eye's everyday; it was too much for me.

My knees are tired of the pain from being down there; I want to be done.

Jasper eyed me as a tossed the phone on the bed.

I shrugged my shoulders and went back to looking at the pictures. " Charlie, just telling me he loves me."

" You not going to text him back."

" He's probably just getting off his graveyard shift the last thing I want to do is make him question why I'm up it's only two a.m. in Utah Jasper."

" He doesn't know your here dose he."

I shook my head no." the last thing I want him to do is hop on a plane and come here."

Jasper got up off the bed and walked over to the door.

" We need to go if we are going to make the preliminary race this morning."

I looked at the clock." Crap yeah let's get going wouldn't want to loose my job."

I grabbed my camera bag off the bed and stuffed the camera back in it. " I changed my mind I can't do it." I sat back down on the bed.

" Isabella Marie Swan get your ass up off that bed. You have made up enough excuses, you promised Emmett you would wait till he won a gold he's done that and more. Now if you don't want me to pick you up and carry you out of here kicking and screaming I suggest you put on your big girl panties and lets get a move on.

Jasper pushed the button on the elevator and we waited in silence. As the door opened to let us in jasper turned to me. " How are your nerves today?"

"Shot to hell, I've already thrown up once, just don't mention aquatic center and I think I'll be okay."

My stomach did another flop.

" Aquatic center." Jasper smiled at me like the douche that he is.

" You're a asshole you know, I can't believe I let you talk me into going, you know I could just watch it in the hotel room."

" Nope you are not getting out of this, baby steps remember." He wrapped me up in his arms.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. " Jasper, I'm scared."

" I know baby girl but look how facing your dad turned out, you were shaking and sweating bullets on that doorstep, trust me I could smell your sweat." I punched him in the arm.

" Kidding, really girl you always need that little shove in the right direction, and this is me being that shove, you don't need to worry his family is on the opposite side of the center of us, plus I got nose bleeders for today they wont even see us. I just want you to let go my little bird and fly." He flapped his arms up and down like a bird.

" That was the worst impression of a bird ever you look wounded." I looked in my bag for my lip-gloss, needing something to take my mind off what was to come.

Jasper just laughed and kept imitating a wounded bird.

" Well you are a wounded little bird." Jasper whispered in my ear. Making his point clear.

The elevator came to a stop at the lobby; I hugged jasper one last time and walked out of the hotel. A car was waiting to take us to the aquatic center, luckily I had finished up on my duties for the magazine on Sunday ending with the Archery competition where the USA men's team took silver.

I looked out the window as the London landscape passed by, Red double decker busses were stopped alongside the roads picking up passengers, Londoners and tourists were walking and biking through the city. Small café's lined the streets and people were enjoying their morning cups of coffee.

My stomach churned the whole way over to Olympic Park; we had to walk a block to get to the aquatic center after the car dropped us off at the designated area. With each step I wanted to turn around and run.

My heart was pounding out of my chest with every step I took. Before I knew it we were walking through the doors, the familiar scent of chlorine assaulted my nostrils and I felt closer to home.

Before my exodus, before my world was turned upside down, before I hurt the ones I loved most there were days that the smell of chlorine made me smile it reminded me of Edward.

There were so many days that Edward would skip the showers after practice and come to my dorms smelling fresh from the pool. We would end up making out on my bed; I could taste the chlorine on his skin, as I would sweep my tongue along his neck.

I closed my eyes and inhaled.

Jasper's cool touch on my arm woke me out of my memory. " Bella snap out of it girl, you are blocking the walk way."

" Oh sorry." we resumed walking to our seats Jasper was right he did get the nosebleed section.

I cowered down in my seat hoping against hope Jasper was right and nobody would recognize me. My picture had been splashed across the tabloids after Edward had pulled out of the games last go around, they blamed me, and America lost its hope for the gold because I had been selfish. They spun every story, made me out to be the villain when that was furthest from the truth. So I left thinking I was doing the right thing when in fact I only hurt him more. If he can find it in his heart to forgive me it will be a miracle.

Edward had two gold medals to his name already, today if he swam his heart out he would have two more to his name. I closed my eyes and said I little prayer to God to be with him today. Not only did he have the 200m butterfly final and the 4x200-meter freestyle relay final but he also had to swim in the heat and semi races for the 100m freestyle.

The crowd was already buzzing with the excitement for today's races. I could hear the distinct British accent of the girls behind me they were giggling and talking about Edward. I tried in vain to hear what they were saying but all I caught is heeheee Edward heehee.

" Think those girls behind us like your man." Jasper whispered in my ear.

" Yeah, I'm sure they do, they don't have a chance in hell with him though." I sat up in my chair they were getting ready to announce the 100M freestyle heats. Edward was in the third heat. My stomach was churning. My legs bounced up and down on their own free will. I wiped my hands on my pants trying to get the sweat off. I bit down on my lip as they announced Edward's heat.

" God girl you are going to have a coronary, relax, do I need to walk you through some breathing exercises."

" Shut up, just shut it Jasper."

He just laughed, " Deep cleansing breath in okay count to ten and release it. Deep cleansing breath."

" I'm not giving birth, you idiot."

" Just breath Bella, he wont even see you up here, and nobody but Emmett knows you are here."

" And Emmett has a big fat mouth, I'm pretty sure he will slip up and tell one of them."

They announced Edward's name, I gasped and covered my mouth as he walked out onto the swim deck, his ear buds were in his ears I'm sure playing his pre race playlist consisting of Europe's final countdown, Def Leppard pour some sugar on me, Guns and Rose's Sweet child of mine Bon Jovi's livin on a prayer and AC/DC's High way to hell. At least that was his playlist four years ago before each race.

" It's then same if you are wondering."

" What." I turned towards Jasper."

" That smile it's the same smile I saw in the pictures you're dad showed me of you and Edward of you together, you have the same smile right now on your face as those pictures."

I didn't even realize I was smiling. " Oh I thought you were talking about something else, and when did my dad show you those, I didn't even know he still had those I thought he would have tossed them out."

Edward climbed up on his block. The instant pull I had towards him four years ago was already there again just from seeing his face. I watched as he rubbed his right hand over the Swan above his heart and brought his fingers to his lips. The tears trickled slowly down my cheeks. I wiped at them. The announcer said set, my heart was leaping out of my chest I knew Edward would hold back on this race knowing he was saving himself for not only the semi's later on but for his two gold medal races today.

The buzzer sounded and they were off, from where I was sitting it looked like he had a great start. He was second off the wall after the first 50M and I was up on my feet cheering him on. He was the fist to touch the wall; I looked at the scoreboard to check his time he was the fastest so far with a time of 48.19. I looked back down at the pool hoping I could catch a glimpse of him as he exited to pool sure enough there he was in all his wet glory exiting the pool. I slunk back down in my chair to enjoy the view.

" Wow who knew the sport of swimming would get you so excited."

" Shut up." I pulled out my phone I needed to check on the gallery so I sent a quick text to Chase asking him how it was going.

" Still not going to tell you father where you are?"

" God you are nosy." I turned the phone away from him peering over my shoulder. " And no I'm a big girl he doesn't need to know where I am twenty four seven."

" So what are we going to do till six." Jasper asked as he sat back down in his seat.

" Maybe we could walk around the city, take in some sights, I kind of wanted to go up on the eye."

" Oh yes let's do it." Jasper stood up and held his hand out to me.

I placed my hand in his and he pulled me up just as they announced the next set of swimmers. My hands wrap around my middle on instinct as the called out Tanya's name.

" Hey come on baby bird, don't let her get to you again, I thought we were past the she beast."

" I was... I am." I whispered as Jasper pulled me out from the pool area into the walkway.

Jasper grabbed my shoulders. " Come on deep breaths Bella."

He knew how much I despised that blonde bimbo, he knew the awful things she said to me that night and he knows how much I just want to punch the fake smile off her face.

His phone started ringing. I leaned up against the wall as he answered his phone.

He pocketed his phone and cleared his throat. " Bella that was Rose we need to go now you've been spotted."

" What, Who?"

Jasper grabbed my hand and started walking briskly towards the front entrance.

" Alice."

My body started shaking " oh fuck, get me out of here please, she's going to cause a scene."

Jasper wrapped me up in a hug. " Okay stick close I know a secret exit."

He grabbed my hand and led me through the crowded walkway, I could see an exit sign dead a head but we were cut off from escaping by the pixie.

" Well, well, well if it isn't Isabella." she spat my name and I cringed afraid to turn around and face her.

Alice spent a whole afternoon playing dress up with me for her and Edward's parent's anniversary charity gala. She brought over some amazing dresses; we instantly bonded that day. She knew how much I loved her brother I had barley admitted it to myself.

" Why the hell are you here, are you trying to end him."

I spun around. Alice still looked the same with her short spiky raven hair and her beautiful perfect features. Such good genes in the Cullen family.

" I'm here for work if you must know." I wanted to get up in her face, to show her I made something of myself after the tragedy. I knew I would never be as good as the Cullen's but I had come out of the accident a stronger person, I needed her to see that.

" Work? What kind of work could you possibly be doing here."

" Alice I'm a photographer okay, I work for a magazine, they sent me here to get pictures for a spread they are doing on local athletes that are competing. Jeez I knew I was never good enough for your family but you need to get off your high horse."

Alice looked a little wounded oh I hit a nerve.

" You think that? You really think we thought we were better than you, is that why you fucking walked away." Alice was right up in my face; I took a couple steps back bumping into Jaspers's chest. He wrapped his arms around me protectively.

" Ladies you need to put the claws away, your garnering unwanted attention why don't we take this somewhere private, we are going up on the eye do you want to join us Alice."

Alice hung her head. " I don't know am I interrupting a date."

I huffed " why does everyone think we are together?"

Jasper giggled behind me. " You're not interrupting a date only a afternoon outing between two good friends."

" Oh well I don't like heights so."

Jasper let his arms go from around my waist and walked around the front of me. " Tell you what, what if I held your hand the whole time." he held his hand out to her.

I rolled my eyes, good lord he was going to charm the pants off her and from the looks of it she was falling for the southern charms of Jasper Whitlock. Her big blue puppy dog eyes were locked onto his crystal blue ones.

" If you two are done flirting with each other I would like to go see the sights of London via a glass bubble."

They let go of each other's hands, " Oh I have to let my family know where we are going and I need to grab my bag." Alice said as she stared at Jasper.

" No need my sister is sitting with your family I'll just make a phone call and let her know where we are going maybe they would want to come too."

" No…. no way I can't do Alice and Esme in one day."

" Wait Rosalie Hale is your sister?"

" Step sister, yes."

" That means she knows you too." Alice pointed at me.

" Yes she knows me too."

" How? How did you meet her?"

" Why don't we wait to start the Spanish inquisition when were a sequestered in our own glass bubble." Jasper grabbed Alice's hand and led her out of the aquatic center leaving me to trail behind the two smiling idiots.

" Bella prepare yourself Esme and Carlisle are coming they are going to meet us there baby bird one more hurdle till you can fly, embrace it." Jasper wrapped his arm around me as we jumped on a red double decker bus right outside the center, Jasper and Alice talk the whole way, making goo goo eyes at each other; I sat behind them huffing the whole way.

We arrived at the eye and Jasper secured a pod to ourselves knowing I had to be stuck in a glass bubble for the twenty five min ride with the family I walked away from was making me want to hurl chunks big time.

We waited around until Rose and the rest of the Cullens showed up, I cowered behind Jasper as we made our way onto our pod. Knowing the minute the doors were closed I would have three of the Cullen's accosting me with answers as to why I walked away.

I walked over to the far corner of the glass pod and looked out to the London landscape in front of me. I heard the doors shut and braced myself. Taking a deep breath I turned and looked into the eyes of the women whom treated me as her daughter. There were unshed tears in her eyes just waiting to escape, but there was also anger and sadness clearly showing on her face.

" You hurt him so bad, I don't even know what to think right now, my emotions are all over the place I want to hate you so much but I also want to hug you." Esme covered her mouth. " Sorry if that hurts you but it's the truth."

" No it's expected I walked out on all of you." I hung my head in shame.

The tears came, I couldn't stop them if I tried. I felt warm, gentle arms wrap around me and I sobbed harder. " I'm so sorry."

" Hush now little one." Carlisle's soft-spoken voice whispered in my ear.

" I didn't mean to hurt any of you, I just…. I just didn't want Edward and the rest of you to resent me down the road."

" That's so unfair of you though, can't you see that. Edward gave up everything for you and what do you do, you throw him away, you made him feel like he was not worthy of you or your love." Alice's voice rang across the pod

" I do see that. Alice why do you think I have stayed away this long, I'm not the one worthy okay. I had everything taken away from me, It was my fault Edward pulled out and I was the one that shattered his dreams… me Alice, it was my fault… so before you go telling me what I do and don't feel walk a day in my shoes okay." I took a deep breath and stepped away from Carlisle's embrace.

"Yes I was a coward and walked away. I hurt you all in the process, but most of all I hurt the only thing that really mattered and still matters to me."

"Well are you going to keep hiding from him or are you going to let him see you since you just said that he still matters to you."

Alice asked still on the opposite side of the pod from me. Emmett and Rose were holding hands, Esme was standing by Alice and of course my traitor friend was holding onto her hand just like he said he would.

" Look I will stay away if that's what you all want, I came here for work, I originally turned them down I didn't want to hurt Edward again, Dofus over there." I pointed at Jasper. " Talked me into coming, he's right I need to fly again I'm sick of being stuck up in the damn nest in the tree."

" Wow what is he your own Dr. Phil." Carlisle asked.

" You could say that, look when I left the hospital I had no direction, had no clue what my path was suppose to be, but I walked onto their ranch in Houston and my life changed, they pushed me, and are still pushing me."

" So that's where you went?"

" Yes, I knew I would never dance again and that wounded me in the worst way, but I was sick of seeing the pain on everyone's faces as they walked into my room everyday. I couldn't take it so I left knowing that I could go to Houston and maybe heal."

I sobbed harder. " It was a huge mistake, and I paid for it dearly I'm sorry that I dragged you all into it with me."

Esme's warm soft arms encircled me and we both just sobbed. " Okay enough crying you are here now, oh how I have missed you my darling daughter."

" I've missed you too."

" So come and tell me what you have been up too since you left." She pulled me over to the wooden bench in the middle of the pod. We were at the top and you could see the whole city of London, Big Ben parliament, you could see over to Horse Guards Parade where the beach volleyball was taking place.

Alice came and sat beside me on the bench and wrapped me up into a hug. " I've missed you, I'm sorry I was so hard on you but you know how close Edward and I are and it was me that took care of him that first year after you left. Bella I'm going to be brutally honest here you broke him, he was lost still kind of is, but I've pushed him the last three years and he's gotten better I just don't want to see him that hurt again. I feared he was going to take his life Bella.

I cried and hugged her tighter. " Thank you. I knew he was going to hurt but I thought he would get over me and move on."

" You don't see yourself clearly do you, that boy loved you so much, more than he has ever loved anyone, even mom."

" No you are wrong he couldn't love me that much."

" Bella, he did, he still does. Can I show you something."

Esme pulled out her Ipad out of her purse. " I want you to watch this, we will all be over there looking at the sights when you are done come over and join us."

She turned it on and searched through her videos she handed it to me and grabbed Alice's hand and walked over to where Emmett, Rose and Jasper where standing. I pressed play on the Ipad.

There was Edward sitting in a chair being interviewed by some sports journalist. He asked Edward how these Olympics were going to be different, Edward answered him saying I'm going to win the gold, and then he giggled, oh how I missed his beautiful laughter. The interview went on showing his workouts and where he swims, he interviewed his coach and then they sat down on the pool deck and the interviewer got personal and my heart broke. He asked him if he regrets pulling out of the Olympics only to end up with a broken heart, Tears streamed down Edward's face. No he said I don't regret having her in my life one bit, what's that saying better to be loved and lose it than to never be loved at all. The interviewer said he understood then asked if we ever talk or see each other. Edward answered him no; we haven't talked in four years. One last question for you if you could say one thing to her knowing she is watching this what would it that be. Edward sat there for a few minutes his eyes closed. He opened them and looked right at the Camera.

**Tornare a casa il mio bellisimo cigno**. The interview ended and I smiled the tears were coming on like a waterfall.

I set the ipad down on the bench and walked over to Esme. " He really feels that way?"

" Yes he does, he needs you just as much as you need him, let him see you please."

" I'm scared, I don't want to jeopardize these games for him, he has so much riding on him already, I don't want to cause anymore uproar with the media that surrounds him."

" Let him handle that okay, come sit by us tonight, we have extra seats."

" Okay, what do I do when he sees me sitting there he has two gold medal races tonight back to back I don't want to mess that up."

" He wont have time to worry about that, and Alice just texted him and said she has a surprise for him tonight and he better not mess up, listen just sit behind us Emmett will block you after the first race. He only has fifteen minutes between them and he will be in the warm up pool right after."

Jasper came over and hugged me. " Do this girl, please I want to see you happy again."

" Okay." I looked out as we came around the top and started our descent back down. London was really beautiful from up here. I bet it was amazing at night.

We made it back to the aquatic center after we had stopped off for an afternoon tea and a light lunch I really couldn't eat much my stomach was still in knots. I climbed up to my seat and sat down behind the Cullen's people were starring at me, I'm sure putting two and two together. " Jasper if this ends up on twitter you are dead just so you know."

" Trust me he wont be able to see it till after his race anyway, he's concentrating on that and not the World Wide Web, coach Aro wont let them have their phones till after the race anyway."

I looked at him and raised my eyebrow. " And you know this how."

" Um….."

" Um what."

" Okay sorry I was called last minute to be the team psychologist."

" You what." I raised me voice not really meaning to."

" Whisper why don't you. Sorry I was going to tell you, but right before I came to Utah to drag your ass here I got a call and I took it."

" Is there anything else you would like to tell me."

" And I spoke to Edward the other day, in his room."

I didn't even want to look at him.

" Wait was that when he got into the fight with Kirk?" Alice asked.

" Yes, that's why I had to bail on going with you to pick up the badge, I'm sorry."

" So Utah huh that's where you have been who would have thought you would go somewhere cold." Emmett said as he turned around.

" I own my own art gallery and I love it in Park City. " I just shrugged my shoulders and played with a piece of fake lint on my pants.

"It sounds like you have made something of yourself guess we will have to come visit sometime." Esme turned around and gave me a hug.

" I would really like that."

They announced the next race it was the mens 200 meter butterfly Edward had secured lane four for the event his biggest rival would be Riley Beers from Australia in lane 5, I watched as once again he came out his earphones over his head no doubt blasting his playlist. My mouth watered as he took off his jacket and his pants. His long, lean body a siren call to me. Oh how I use to love running my hands up and down the plane of his taught stomach. The noises he made as I did this woke something up inside me and turned me on every time, so many days of playing around on my bed in my dorm built such sexual tension between us that the first time we came together was magical. I closed my eyes remembering that night

_I was sitting up on the hood of his baby, the black hot sexy car in his parent's garage. We had just finished dancing and we both couldn't keep our hands off each other, Edward's father came up to us and said we needed to go get some air if we knew what he meant._

_" I can't believe your father just gave us permission to."_

_" To what Bella."_

_" To have sex." I giggled._

_" He wouldn't need to give me permission I would take you anyway."_

_" Oh is that so Mr. Cocky."_

_" You really need to stop calling me that, cause if you want to see cocky I'll show you cocky."_

_Edward laid me down on the hood of the car and hiked my dress up with his soft skilled hands._

_I wanted the dress off badly but was nervous about rounding this base, I was not a virgin but Edward was a god and I was just a plain mousy dancer with not a lot of curves._

_" Your beautiful, don't be nervous he whispered in my ear." he always had a way of knowing what I was thinking._

_He helped me get Alice's creation off and I threw it onto the driver's seat. I was perched up on the hood in only my black panties. It didn't take long before his mouth was attached to one of my nipples and his long fingers were making there was inside me. I was embarrassed at the noises I was making but god damn that man knew how to make a woman feel good. " God don't stop feels so good."_

_" Never I won't ever stop." Edward sucked harder on my nipples causing me to explode around his fingers. He pulled them out and licked them off. Normally that would turn me off but gah it just turned me on more._

_After I came down from my high I worked at getting him naked. I sat up and slowly undid the buttons on his white dress shirt._

_Edward in formal wear was a sin and I would happily spend my time in hell to see him wear black tux pants, a crisp button down shirt and skinny black tie any day of the week. But I needed to get them off him and have him inside me before I combusted._

_Edward naked put the David to shame, and I licked my lips like a hooker on a street corner. " Oh god I need you inside me right now."_

_" You don't even have to ask." He slowly sunk into me. " God Bella…Pure heaven."_

_Edward was right I felt like I died and went to heaven as he slowly pulled out of me and sank back in. Watching him watch as his cock slid in and out of me at an agonizingly slow pace was causing the fire to build up again in the pit of my stomach._

_" Edward harder please…" I begged like a hussy._

_He grabbed my left leg and lifted it up over his shoulder, causing his cock to hit me deeper as he slid back in. my back arched off the car my, I couldn't help the slutty moan that came out of my mouth._

_" Mmmm, I love you Isabella." Edward pounded into me._

_I didn't care that my ass was making squeaking noises on the hood of his car. I didn't care that we were making love for the first time in a garage that smelled like exhaust and oil. Or that the fluorescent lights were making this look like a porn, nothing mattered at that point because the sexiest man on the planet had just professed his love for me._

_Edward slipped his hand down to my clit and started a torturous circle with his fingers."_

_" Come for me beautiful." Edward's silky smooth voice caused my orgasm to rock my body. I was still shaking when I felt the wet warmth of Edward's own orgasm fill me._

_Edward softly laid down on me. Both of us were sweaty and spent. My fingers tangled themselves up in the hair at the back of his neck._

_" I love you too Edward, so much it hurts." I sobbed._

_" Shhhh no crying please, that was so beautiful, you are beautiful…you can never leave me now…promise you wont ever leave me."_

_" I could never leave you."_

I opened my eyes, I made a promise to him and I broke that….oh god what did I do.

I hung my head and cried big fat ugly teardrops fell down my face; I felt Jasper's arms wrap around me.

" Bella come on girl get it together."

" I promised him Jasper I fucking promised him I would never leave him."

The announcer called them to their blocks, the Cullen's all stood up to cheer him on, I couldn't. I wasn't even worthy of siting in the spot I was.

I looked out at the pool deck my eyes landing on Edward's body just as he touched the swan on his chest, more fat tears rolled down my cheek, he loved me so much and I threw that away like yesterdays trash.

The announcer said set and then the buzzer went off, my body rose on its own accord Edward was in fourth place as he hit the wall and turned, my heart sank I closed my eyes and prayed silently for him. I opened my eyes as he hit the last fifty meters. He pulled into first and was blowing everyone else out of the water. He touched the wall and the crowd erupted. I watched as Edward slapped the water in celebration of his win and I smiled, he turned his head to look for his parents and I slunk back down in my seat to avoid him.

I felt Alice hug me." Bella it's okay he's in the warm up pool swimming laps now."

I breathed a sigh of relief. " Oh my god that was amazing, he fucking won gold." I put my hand over my mouth.

" Isabella language dear, but yes he did it." Esme was smiling at me. " Next race we are trading places.

I shook my head no.

" Sorry Bella boo." Emmett lifted me out of my chair and set me down in his " Stay."

" Emmett I'm not a dog." I giggled. I really missed him.

I watched Edward in the diving pool doing laps trying to excrete the lactic acid that had built up during his swim out. He had fifteen minutes between races, the next one was the four by two hundred meter freestyle relay Edward would be the anchor leg of this race, he didn't really have any time to come down from the high of winning the two hundred meter butterfly.

He pulled himself out of the lap pool and ran back to the warm up room. Carlisle leaned over and placed a kiss on my temple. " We really have missed you."

" I've missed you guys too, so much."

" Why did you stay away so long?"

" I really don't know, maybe out of fear."

" Fear of what?"

I sighed… " I really don't know I was afraid that you all would turn you backs on me, afraid that Edward found someone new, insecurities of not being good enough anymore."

" You feel that Edward only loved you for being a dancer."

" Yes, no… I don't know.."

" Well whatever it is your wrong.. So how has the recovery gone?"

I shook my head at Carlisle, always in doctor mode. " Its good, haven't tried dancing the way I use too, ankles are still weak they like to give out at the most random times."

Emmett chuckled behind me. " Nah Bella that's just you being klutzy."

" Shut up." Emmett squeezed my shoulders.

They announced Edward's race and the crowd erupted again in screams and applause. The USA Team came out Edward was the last to walk out. My heart started racing again. I closed my eyes as they announced the swimmers in order; I cringed as they said Kirk's name.

" Your boy defended you he had him pinned to the wall for talking trash about you, he still loves you Bella." Jasper whispered in my ear.

Kirk jumped up on the blocks, my heart was racing. Kirk hit the water and by the time he swam the four laps they had a three second lead. Mike hit the wall after the four laps and our lead was bumped to four seconds. When Eric hit the wall we were still in the lead. Edward left the blocks, my heart was beating out of my chest as he was heading into the wall and did his flip turn coming back out of the water, he was still in the lead as he started the one hundred fifty-meter mark. I was bouncing on my feet. I looked down to the pool deck; Edward's teammates were jumping up and down screaming at him. Kirk looked up into the stands his grey eyes landing on mine. He shook his head and focused back on the race. By the last fifty meters I knew the USA was going to win, it was Edward's fist time anchoring a relay race. Edward hit the wall and I cried. Carlisle hugged Esme and me at the same time.

" He did it." I said as Alice and Emmett hugged me.

Edward was still in the pool celebrating splashing the water with his hands and yelling. His teammates pulled him out of the pool and they group hugged it out. I watched as Kirk whispered in his ear.

Edward snapped his head around and his eyes landed on mine. The expression on his face was not what I expected hell I didn't really know what to expect by he looked confused and angry. He turned away from me and my heart sunk as I watched him walk over to the reporter.

I grabbed my bag from underneath the chair behind me and ran out of there as fast as I could.

" Bella stop." Rose's voice rang out just as I was making it to the exit.

" Why Rose? You told me how many times how stupid I was for leaving the way I did, you were right I was stupid then but I am even dumber for thinking I could come here and mess with his life again."

" You are being stupid right now running away, if you want to go fine but don't come crying to me when he throws your sorry ass to the curb." she flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder and walked away.

I walked out of the aquatic center; I tripped a few times as I ran to make it on the bus waiting at the stop, not wanting anyone else to run after me.

I walked the few blocks from the last stop the bus made to my hotel, plopping down on the bed I sobbed. You stupid stupid girl. I don't know how long I lay there crying. I heard Jasper come in to the main room and shut the door.

I crawled off the bed and made my way into the bathroom, I looked like hell, my mascara was smudged and my hair was a rat's nest. I splashed some water on my face and threw my hair up into a ponytail. I made my way out to the main room and stopped in my tracks, there sitting on the couch was Edward.

I felt my feet go out from under me and then the world went black.

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**A/N: The End **

**Just kidding okay so Edward saw her, wonder what he thinks, wonder how this is going to go when Bella comes out of it. stay tuned **

**Hope you enjoyed this little chappie, review and I might just give you a sneak peak **

**Translation if goggle translate is correct ****Tornare a casa il mio bellisimo cigno is Italian for come home my beautiful swan **  



	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: sorry this took so long to update I lost 3000 words when my power went out and the words after that took a while to come back to me but I finally got them to come back out, and the next chappie is working its way onto the page as I post this.**

**once again this is dedicated to my besties Ethel and Lucy love you girls**

**I know the Olympics are over but we can relive them with swimmerward**

* * *

EPOV:

I was so keyed up after winning the two hundred meter butterfly that the warm down in the diving pool was not doing anything.

It was my third gold medal of these games, I was off to a fantastic start and right on track to accomplishing my goal something that I know the press, media and the world were watching with rapt attention, they were anticipating me to fail. Most headlines after the Beijing games read Americas golden boy fails to show the world he's the number one swimmer. But my favorite one read US Olympic swimmer Edward Cullen had mental breakdown admitted to psyche ward at Stanford medical center. They photo shopped my head onto someone else's body that was being wheeled into the ER.

I hated the tabloids I still do, I saw first hand how much damage they do, how they can suck the life out of a someone so beautiful, make them second guess everything they once thought.

I miss her, god do I miss her, I wonder is she watching at the edge of her seat as I race from the comfort of her couch, is she cheering me on, is she missing me too, or has she simply moved on forgotten what we had.

God I need to clear my head, the next race was huge and I couldn't have these kind of thoughts clouding my concentration.

I swam another lap feeling confident my muscles were relaxed and not tight. I pulled myself out of the pool and grabbed my stuff and headed back to the holding area.

I was once again checked for drugs, my swimwear was checked to make sure it met the rules, my badge was checked to make sure it was me in the picture. When they were finished with me I slipped my jacket and track pants on to keep warm and plopped down next to Kirk on the white plastic chairs.

" Congrats man that swim was dope." Kirk held out his fist.

I tapped mine with his and popped my ear buds in. " Thanks man." I turned up my 80's Rock playlist and closed my eyes, trying to get my head back in focus; I couldn't let these other guys down.

They called us out, Bon Jovi was blaring in my ears as I stepped onto the pool deck the potent smell of chlorine permeated my nostrils and I breathed in deep, a habit I picked up when I was ten and had my fist race. I found that the smell of a pool was my happy place and I could concentrate and win every time I took that deep breath.

They introduced our team we waved and before I knew it I was up on the blocks waiting on Kirk to touch the wall.

Pull, kick, pull, and kick. My first turn at the wall was perfect I could see I still had a body length on the French. I pulled harder and kicked faster by the time I turned for the third to time I had two body lengths on the French, I couldn't see anyone close when I breathed to my left. I had no clue if we were still on world record pace. I hit the wall and looked up at the time clock. We beat the world record. I ripped off my swim cap and hit the water screaming. I kissed my knuckles and touched the swan on my chest, no matter where she was I always had this part of her with me.

The other competitors still in the pool congratulated me and then my teammates pulled me out of the pool, I high fived them and did the manly hug.

Kirk leaned into my ear. " Your bitch is here."

"What?" I asked, the crowd was still roaring and I couldn't here him over the noise.

" Your bitch is here sitting with your parents."

My head snapped around, my eyes landing on hers and I gasped. She was here in the flesh, a small smile was on her face and I could see fear in her eyes, god she was still beautiful. She took my breath away just like the first time I saw her sitting on the grass, glasses on and her perfect nose in a book.

" Damn she is still hot maybe I'll finally get to tap that since she kicked your ass to the curb."

I whipped my head back in Kirk's direction; he was leering at her. My face went red I was pissed.

I wanted to rip Kirks dick off and shove it up his ass for talking about her like that, lucky for him we got called over to the damn American reporter or the world would have seen the smallest peen on the planet.

Why must journalists ask stupid questions? Do they attend stupid question 101 class in college, is there a must ask how do you feel rule out there? Really how the hell do you think I feel I'm standing here trying to catch my breath? Can't you see I'm panting and trying to talk at the same time, but other than that fanfuckingtastic we just won a gold medal and broke a world record how the hell do you think we feel moron.

The reporter lady, really have no clue what her name is stuck the microphone in my face and asked how winning my fourth gold medal felt.

" It feels really great especially having these guys to share it with, I told them before the race I'd need a lead and they came through." She said something else I think I just nodded.

I really just wanted to get dressed, stand on the podium to receive the two medals I won today and talk to Bella.

I looked back up at the stands to where I knew Bella was standing and my heart sank she was gone, disappeared into thin air like she was never really there to begin with. I shook my head clearing it of that thought. She was there I saw her with my own eyes. The dull ache returned.

My mother's eyes were swimming with tears and I had to look away for fear of breaking down right there on the pool deck.

I felt a hard slap on my bare back. " Cullen, snap out of it man, we need to hit the showers, the medal ceremony is in ten, come on let's go."

James grabbed my arm and dragged me towards the locker rooms.

I shrugged him off, not wanting to look like a complete douche in front of the whole world. " I got it."

" It didn't look that way back there. She did a number on you Cullen, you turned into a complete dick the last few years, I hate seeing it."

We turned the corner into the locker room. " I don't know what you are talking about."

" Don't even play dumb with me Cullen, the brunette fucked us all over, instead of the USA being talked about for winning gold in Beijing we were talked about for not being able to cut it without our star."

God I wanted to rip his head off for blaming Bella. I pushed the door open to the locker room roughly. " You really think it's her fault, are your serious. I decided to pull out, she was laying in a hospital bed fighting for her life." I turned on him and got up in his face. " I don't ever want to hear you blame her for your shortcomings in the pool do you understand me."

He held his hands up in defense." Calm down Cullen, everyone is looking at us."

I back away from him and headed towards the showers stripping off my jammers and turned on the hot water and stepped under the spray, the hot water cascaded down my body relaxing my muscles.

James stepped into the stall next to me. " Look man I'm really sorry, I was mad when you pulled out in Beijing, I get it I do, I would do the same thing if it was Victoria laying in the bed. What I don't get is why you are still pining after her. You gave up everything for her and she pays you back by walking away."

I turned off the water and grabbed my sammie towel; I wipe the moisture off my body and headed over to slip on my grey and black Nike tracksuit for the medal ceremony.

" Look I don't expect anyone to understand why I still love her, nobody got why I fell in love with her in the short amount of time that I did. I just want people to respect her that's all."

James came over and sat on the bench by me. " So are you going to talk to her."

" If she gives me the opportunity to yes." I slipped my pants on and grabbed my white v-neck T-shirt out of my backpack and slipped it over my head.

" Are you going to take her back?"

" I have no clue what I'm going to do, I'm still angry with her. At this point all I want is an explanation as to the reason she left." I slipped on my Nike free runs. I grabbed my stuff off the bench and stuffed it in my backpack.

The rest of the team came over and we headed back out for the medal ceremony. My medal ceremony for the 200-meter fly was up first. The chariots of fire music played and I stepped out onto the swim deck and headed over to the podium. They called my name and the crowd erupted in cheering as I stepped up on to the purple steps. The man put the gold medal around my neck and I was elated, I was handed my third bouquet of flowers, and they started to raise the flags, and the national anthem began. I placed my hand over my heart and rubbed the swan bellow my jacket and shirt.

Why did she run again? A tear fell down my cheek and I wiped it away. I was Glad that nobody would even question why I was crying. The song ended and I raised my hands and smiled as everyone clapped and cheered. I said congrats to the other competitors and stepped of the podium. I had to stand and pose for pictures. I slipped the medal off my neck and put it in my pocket. I handed the bouquet to the handler that was walking with me and headed back over to the guys.

They called out our medal ceremony and we headed back out onto the pool deck. " This music really makes me want to break out into a dead run." Mike was mimicking a runner.

We all busted up laughing. They announced the Australians and then the French. And then we grabbed hands and stepped up on the podium. My fourth gold medal was placed around my neck. I was handed the bouquet of flowers again and then the national anthem was once again playing my hand rested on my heart, and I rubbed the swan again under my jacket.

I looked up into the stands this time and watched my mother cry as I stood there with my teammates. I hope I was making her proud of me again. She gave me a sweet smile and I knew then that she was. She mouthed I'm sorry and I shook my head not wanting her to be sorry for anything.

I had to look away before the tears came again. The song ended and we all grabbed hands again. We stepped off the podium and had our pictures taken. I walked to the locker room and grabbed my stuff; I slipped my backpack onto my back. My phone chirped alerting me to a text. I knew it was Alice.

Meet us where we are staying if you can, dad will have a car waiting for you. A

I sent off a text that I would be there as soon as I could. I slipped my phone back in my pocket and headed back out, our medal ceremony was the last event of the night and I knew the coach would want us to head back tot he dorms, I had an early morning race and so did the others.

Aro was waiting for us right outside the locker room door. " Congrats boys awesome swim and win, now lets go celebrate at the dorms, but remember early to bed."

" Um Aro can I talk to you for a minute please."

We stepped off to the side. " Cullen if this is about that brunette I don't want to know about it." He gave me an evil grin.

" Okay, I just wanted to let you know." He stopped my and held up his hand.

" I get it Cullen, but if this affects you in any way tomorrow you will be on house arrest do you understand."

" Yes I get it, you can chain me up to the bed if you have too."

He laughed and walked away. I stood there for a few minutes then ran out to where Alice had said my father would have a car waiting for me. I slipped inside the black car and laid my head back n the headrest and closed my eyes.

The car stopped at the curb right outside the house my parents were renting. I grabbed my bag off the seat next to me and jumped out of the car. I slipped inside the house and dropped my bag on the bench that was by the front door.

I could here voices in the back parlor and headed that way. I walked into the room and everyone turned their eyes on me. Emmett was on one couch with his arm draped over his new girlfriend my mother and father were sitting on the other couch holding hands, my sister was sitting on the huge overstuffed chair and sitting next to her was the team therapist. Her tiny hand was holding onto his. What the fuck was going on.

" Care to explain why you are holding hands with the team therapist." I shot daggers into my sister's eyes.

" Edward." My mother chided.

" Mom it's okay, Edward we just met today."

" And you are already holding hands." I was raging.

"Pot meet kettle, you are one to talk oh dear brother of mine, you would have banged Bella on the grass outside her dorm that first day if she would have let you."

" Alice."

" Oh mom stop, he would have and he has no room to talk."

" Your right he doesn't have any room to talk." She glared at me. " And he needs to stop trying to protect you from every boy you meet." She glared at me again. I just shrugged my shoulders sue me I'm an overprotecting asshole of a brother. " But cut him some slack, he just won two gold medals and Bella is back, I'm sure he's confused and angry and just darn tired.

She came over and hugged me and pulled me over to the couch, now sit down I have some cookies for everyone, I think we could all use some tea to calm us. She walked out of the room. Everyone was still silent.

My head was swimming, where the hell was Bella, where did she go, and how long has my family known she was here? All questions I needed the answers to but first I needed to know how Jasper and Alice met.

" How did you two meet up?" I looked at Alice.

She looked over at Jasper and he whispered in her ear she smiled and winked at him. I think I'm going to throw up.

" Oh don't look so nauseated, I had to put up with you and Bella." I just rolled my eyes.

" Keep that up dear wombmate and I won't tell you where Bella is. Ouch, what was that for." She rubbed the back of her arm and shot daggers at Jasper he cringed and pulled his hand out of hers.

I internally did a happy dance, yeah buddy don't mess with my lil sis.

" Oh don't look so happy Edward, he pinched me cause I wasn't suppose to tell you I know where Bella is."

" Oh so he's in on this too, are all of you?" I looked around the room at everyone.

My mother walked back in with a tray of cups and cookies. " Stop Edward nobody is in on anything, Alice spotted Bella leaving the aquatic center this morning after your last race before the finals, she confronted her out in the hallway. Jasper was with her they invited us to go on the London eye with them so we could talk in private."

" Wait what do you mean Jasper was with her? How the hell do you know Bella?" I looked over at Jasper.

" Listen Edward before you jump down my throat I need to ask you one thing." I motioned for him to continue.

" Do you want to talk to Bella?"

" Of Course I do."

" Then let her explain it all, it is her story to tell not mine, and I think you deserve to hear it from her not me."

I just nodded; my dad patted my back. " Congratulations of your wins today my son, you made us so proud."

I smiled, knowing that made all the hard work I had put in the last three years worth it. " Thanks, they were pretty awesome weren't they, man it felt so great blowing everyone else out of the water."

Everyone asked to see my medals, I got up and went to grab my bag. The passed them around and ate and drank the tea.

" So are you ready to go see her?" Jasper asked as he got up off the chair with Alice.

" You know where she is?"

" Of course I do, she's at our hotel, we have a car waiting out front if you are ready we can go."

I got up and hugged my dad, and Emmett, Alice came over to me and hugged me. " Be kind to her please, just listen to her before you get mad."

My mother was the last one to come over to me. " Bring her back to us, we have missed her so much."

Knowing how much my family missed Bella cut me deeply, she was just as much part of this family and when she walked away everyone was hurt not just me.

I grabbed my bag and walked tot he front door. " Ready."

" As ready as I will ever be."

The ride over to the hotel was quiet; my head was swimming with questions I wanted to ask and may never get the answers too. The car came to a stop at the curb outside the hotel.

" Look I'm going to give you the key card, If I was a betting man I would bet my life savings that Bella is having pity party on her bed right now, so go up there and get your girl back. It's a two bedroom suite so you can get that out of your head."

He handed me the little key card and pushed me out of the car. " I'm giving you two some space to talk, now go."

The driver shut the door leaving me standing there dumfounded and confused at the valet stand. I shook my head and walked into the hotel. I looked at the key card in my hand when I got in the lobby. I looked up looking for the elevator to take me to the seventh floor and noticed people were looking at me and whispering. I spotted the elevators and sprinted towards them.

I punched the up arrow and waited for the doors to open. Hoping nobody would bother me, of course it wasn't in the cards. I felt a tugging on my arm. I looked down into the green eyes of a little red haired girl. She had a paper and a pen and was shoving it at me.

I got down on my knees so I was eye level with her. " Do you want my autograph?" I asked.

She just nodded and I chuckled. " Cat got your tongue little one." I grabbed the paper and pen out of her hand.

" Can you tell me your name, so I can write it."

" Ainsley Danes." She whispered.

I signed the paper and handed it back to her. " Well you have a pretty name Ainsley, and I really love your freckles, they make you beautiful, so do you swim?" I asked her as sat there on my knees

She nodded her head.

" Well pretty girl keep up the hard work in the pool, so that in a few years I can watch you swimming in the Olympics."

" Oh my gosh I'm so sorry, I turn my back for one second and she's gone." She looked at me face. " Oh my god your Edward Cullen."

" Mommy you said a bad word."

I chuckled. "You want and autograph too?" I asked.

" God no my husband would kick my ass."

" Mommy owes money to the swear jar." Ainsley sung.

I laughed. " Why would your husband care?" I stood up off my knees.

The blonde held her hand out to help me out. " Hi I'm Cassandra Johnson."

" Good lord Cassie, could you leave the poor man alone." A tall brown haired man came over and then I realized finally who this family was.

" Can you please forgive my daughter… and my wife." He glared at her causing her to hang her head.

" It's really okay."

" No it's not okay they both should know better right." They both nodded. " He's on his personal time remember what I said about that Ainsley."

" I'm sorry daddy."

" Hey don't be mad at her, it's completely fine, you got a very beautiful little girl."

" Thanks, so I didn't know you were staying here at the hotel."

" Oh I'm not I'm just visiting a friend."

He raised his eyebrows.

" No it's nothing like that."

" Okay whatever you say."

I needed to change the subject and fast. " So Ainsley have you been to any of the swimming events yet, or has your dad kept you busy over at the sand volleyball court."

" I've only seen daddy compete, but we get to come see some races tomorrow before one of his matches." She was jumping up and down

" Awesome well I'll look for you and give you a wave then." She lit up when I said this.

Peter patted my back. " Dude you know you have to follow through with that right." He whispered in my ear.

" Yeah, best tell me where you are sitting."

" Actually I think we are sitting right behind your parents if I heard right."

" Perfect." We both laughed.

" Well we best let Edward get to his friend." He winked at me and I just shook my head.

He wrapped his arm around his wife and pulled her and Ainsley away. I watched them walk away and my heart broke, that should have been Bella and I. I punched the arrow again and the doors opened.

I walked out into the hall on the seventh floor and took a deep breath I found the room, I stood outside the door clearing my head. I slipped the key card into the slot and the green light lit up. I opened the door to the suite; I stepped inside letting the door shut behind me. I heard a door close on my right and knew that was where Bella was.

I decided to sit on the couch, I'm pretty sure she thought I must be Jasper coming back. I heard water turn on and then shut off then the door opened reveling my angle, her eyes were all red and puffy from crying her eyes met mine and she gasped, I saw her falling and I was up and grabbing her before she hit the ground. Having her limp in my arms was both heaven and hell.

I held her in my arms and spun around, I couldn't lay her in her bed, so instead I laid her down on the couch. My fingers itched to touch her face, my lips twitched wanting to taste her again. I had to step back.

I slumped in the chair opposite the couch and watched her, waited for her to open those beautiful big brown eyes.

Seconds turned into minutes, I looked at my watch it had been five minutes. I should really call someone this wasn't right. I dug my phone out of my pocket and was punching in Alice's number when I saw her eyes fluttering.

I hit end before the call could go through. I looked over at her as she opened her eyes.

She blinked a few times and looked over at me. " I'm not dreaming." She whispered.

" No you're not dreaming." I quietly whispered back.

" It's been four years right, this isn't the hospital?"

" No this isn't the hospital, this is your hotel in London."

She placed her hands over her face. " I'm sorry."

I closed my eyes. " For what?" I had to know why she was sorry.

" For everything, for going to that party, for letting Angela drive, for making you choose me over your dream, for letting you down."

I had to stop her, I knew she felt guilty. I stood up and walked over to the window and looked out at the dark London landscape. " God damnitt Bella how many times did I say I chose to come home you didn't make me do anything, yes getting in that car with Angela was not a very smart move but things happen for reasons we have no control over. So stop blaming yourself." I ground my teeth together.

" Where did you go when you left the hospital."

" Texas."

" Texas, what was in Texas."

" A rehab ranch for athletes."

" Roslie's and Jasper's ranch."

" Yes."

" Why there?" I looked out and could see the London eye all lit up.

" I didn't know where else to go, and I saw an program about it and thought that I could recover there away from everyone, I thought that they could help dance again.

" Have you?" I asked.

" What danced, no the last time I danced was the day of the accident."

" Why?"

" Because my ankles are to weak to hold me up."

" Bullshit Bella, have you even tried?"

" God yes Edward, I have tried and it hurts okay."

" That should have been me, you know, helping you recover, that should have been me god damn it."

" I know." She sniffled.

I couldn't look at her so I kept looking out the window instead. " Why did you leave Bella?"

" Did you not read my letter?"

She really thinks her letter gave me explanations." You and I both know the reason written on that paper wasn't the real reason you left, that's beside the point. I think I deserve to hear it from your mouth instead of the piece of paper that was left on a empty hospital bed for me to find."

I could hear her deep sigh from across the room. " You're right you deserve to know why."

She took a deep breath and I turned around to face her, I wanted her to see the face of the man she walked away from.

She looked down hiding those brown eyes from me. " I want to see your eyes, so look at me Bella."

She lifted her head and her brown eyes swimming with tears bore into me calling me to her. I wanted to race across that room and scoop her up and never let her go, but I couldn't do it my anger was still so raw and strong.

" You don't know what it was like laying in that hospital bed day in and day out only to have doctors tell you your dreams were over, to have nurses come in and tell you that you had an amazing boyfriend who gave up everything for you." She took a breath. " To see the disappointment on everyone's face every time I you struggled in rehab, to see your face plastered on every magazine blaming you for everything."

" Oh I know how it felt to have your face plastered everywhere Bella believe me. I knew I still know what it feel like so don't even play that card."

She hung her head again. " You really think I was disappointed in you Bella." She nodded her head.

I shook my head. " I sat in that fucking hospital room day in and day out with you, I saw you struggle everyday coming to terms with the fact that you would probably never dance again. I sat there in the room as they wheeled you out for surgery kissing you goodbye and praying that you would come back to me. I was there everyday Bella. I was disappointed in your recovery but I was never disappointed in you…. I was disappointed in myself cause I stood there helpless everyday, not knowing how to help you. I saw you pulling away from me and I couldn't do a damn thing about it Bella." I wiped at the tears streaming down my face.

" I'm sorry."

" Stop saying that."

She hung her head in her hands and sobbed.

" I just don't understand. I told you everyday how proud I was of you, how much I cared about you, how could you just walk away from me, I loved you so much Bella and you threw that away."

" I know, I'll never forgive myself for hurting you."

" And Charlie how could you walk away from your dad, you were all he had Bella."

" I know."

" So why?"

" I told you why."

" That answer isn't good enough." I slammed my hand on the table causing her to jump. I needed to get my anger under control.

" You want a better answer."

" Yes." Is grounded out.

She whispered. " I left cause I wasn't good enough for you."

" I couldn't hear you."

She stood up from the couch wobbling a little as she did, I wanted to right her but she did it her self. " I said I left cause I wasn't good enough for you."

I shook my head her and her damn insecurities, I shoved off from the window and grabbed my bag, I'd heard enough and I needed to get some fresh air before I said something I might regret. I opened my backpack and set the bouquet of flowers on the table.

" I'm sorry you felt that way, I never once made you feel like that Bella, my family loved you like one of their own. You were enough for me, and if you think for one minute that I would even care that you couldn't dance again then you really don't know me at all."

I threw my bag over my shoulder and headed for the door.

" Edward please don't go, please." Bella begged grabbing onto my arm causing a jolt of electricity to run up my arm.

I pulled it free. " I need some space please give that to me those flowers are for you, every time I swim I do it for you." I opened the door and shut it in her face. I heard her slump against it on the other side and I fell to my knees and cried. I laid my head against the door.

I heard her phone ringing in the room and I stood up and walked to the elevators. I needed some fresh air to clear my head, we really hadn't gotten very far in our conversation and I was blowing up at her, I stepped out to the valet stand and asked them to call a taxi for me. It was starting to sprinkle. I always enjoyed the smell after a rainstorm. I told the valet to forget the taxi and started to walk down the street enjoying the coolness of the raindrops as they landed on my face.

It started down pouring and I kept walking, the rain washing the hurt and anger that was bogging me down. I saw a pub that was open and ducked inside and saddled up to the bar. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and texted Aro letting him know that I would be staying at my parent's house for the night and that I would meet him at the aquatic center in the morning.

The bar tender came over asking me what I wanted to drink; I almost caved and got a beer, but decided against it and ordered a cranberry juice instead. I stared at my phone for a minute wishing like hell Bella had this number and would call me.

"Rough night." The bartender placed the glass on a napkin in front of me.

" You could say that."

" You need something stronger than that if you want to drown your sorrow's man, but why would someone that has won four gold medals want to drown their sorrows?"

I looked up at him, he just held his hands out like I get it man. I took a sip of the drink.

" Whoever she is, you must really love her, I can see the conflict in your eyes, you want her to call you and tell you to come back don't you?"

" Yeah but she doesn't have my number."

" Then go back to her."

" I can't."

" Why not?"

What is it with bartenders that make you want to spill your whole life story too as they pour your drink after drink, maybe it's the alcohol, who really knows.

" It's complicated."

" Life is complicated man, but you should never live with regrets." He said from the taps as he filled glasses with beer. " You want one."

" No thanks."

" You sure."

I nodded and downed the cranberry juice. " You're right I will regret walking away." I grabbed my bag off the chair.

" Hey you want an umbrella."

" No thanks, I love walking in the rain."

_The heavens decided to open up and cleanse the earth as I was sitting on her bike waiting for her to come out of class, she was late of course. I saw her come out of the building and cover her head with her jacket and laughed as she ran over to me, we were both soaked through by the time she got over to me._

_Bella's white shirt was soaked through, her black bra was showing through and I growled._

_" Put your jacket back on Bella."_

_" Why it's covering my hair."_

_" I don't care about your hair Bella."_

_" Edward."_

_" Look down Bella, your are showing the whole campus my boobs_

_" Your boobs."_

_" Yes mine, now get on the damn bike."_

_She laughed and climbed on. " Possessive much."_

_" Very, especially when it come to your boobs."_

_I felt her let go from around my waist and take off her jacket._

_" You are in so much trouble little missy. Put that back on."_

_" No."_

_She climbed off the bike and stood there with her hands on her hips looking all kinds of sexy. I took off my helmet and stepped off the bike. " You are going to regret defying me."_

_She took off running onto the grass giggling as she ran through the puddles. " Oh so that's how you want to play this out huh, you can run as far away as you want baby but I'm so much faster I'll always catch you." I yelled out to her. She was in the middle of the grass field by the time I caught up to her, just as I went to grab her she slipped and face planted it right into a mud puddle._

_I bent over laughing, leave it up to her to trip on a mud puddle._

_" Are you just going to stand there and laugh at me all day or are you going to help me up."_

_I had to catch my breath; I looked down and started laughing all over again. " I need my phone." I pulled my phone out and went to take a picture of her. She was covered from head to toe in mud I could barley make out her eyes and when she talked the only thing you could make out were her pearly white teeth._

_" Don't you dare even think about that mister."_

_" Oh no this must be saved for posterity."_

_" You're an asshole you know that."_

_" Yep and you love me for that."_

_" Just take the damn picture and help me up."_

_I snapped the pic and pocketed my phone. I reached down to help her up, but she pulled me down on top of her, knocking the breath out of me. " Got ya back." she threw mud in my face and got up._

_But I was faster and grabbed her leg pulling her feet out from under her. I caught her before she hit the ground and rolled over on top of her. Kissing her hard._

_" Ew you taste like mud."_

_" Mmmm you taste divine and I got to say mud is becoming on you."_

_" Shut up." She kissed me back just as a clap of thunder sounded off in the distance._

_" Baby we need to go, don't want you getting struck by lightning." I helped her up._

_" We can't take the bike Edward it's not safe, to drive on the wet roads."_

_" Great what are we going to do now, I really wanted to take you back to my place and ravage you."_

_" Come on it's only a ten minute walk five if we jog to my dorm, we can shower and you can ravage me there, Angela has work, nobody will be there."_

_She grabbed my hand and led me off the grass, the rain was coming down hard at this point and so we started jogging. The thunder was crashing above us. I'm sure by the looks we were getting from the students passing us we probably looked like two weirdoes all covered in mud._

_We made it to her dorm room door just as a flash of lightning lit up the sky and the thunder crashed, causing Bella to jump._

_I wrapped her up in my arms and led her into her building. " Storms scare you."_

_" Only lightning."_

_" I'll always keep you safe baby." I kissed her forehead._

* * *

Lightning lit up the London sky and thunder crashed right after it causing me to jump I was in the middle of the sidewalk outside of the bar. Bella, I needed to get back to Bella. I bet she is worried sick and scared, thunderstorms always freaked her out.

I ran as fast as I could back to the hotel. The doorman gave me a weird look as he let me in all dripping wet. I ran over to the elevator and punched in the number 7 and waited patiently for the elevator to reach Bella's floor.

I ran out of the elevator and up to her door. I banged on the door, but there was no answer, I banged again.

" Bella open up please, I'm sorry baby come on let me in." I yelled through the door.

The door across the hall opened up. " Do I need to call security, we are trying to sleep."

" No sorry, I couldn't find my key card, but I have it now thanks."

I showed them the key card. I had forgotten I had put it in my pocket. They closed the door.

I put the key card in the slot waiting on the green light as soon as the light was green I slipped inside, the room was dark, and I couldn't see anything.

" Bella come on where are you, I'm sorry I left." I called out for her through the room flipping on lights as I went, the door to her room was closed so I opened it, what I saw when I turned on the lights made my heart sink.

* * *

A/N: cliffie I know sorry ducks under desk and hides

I'll try and get the next chapter out as fast as I can this one might be a mixed EPOV and Bella's since I ended it on a cliffie, let me know if you don't like that idea

Hope you enjoyed it, I love the little flash back had a similar experience in college and yes we got many stares as we rushed across the quad and to my apartment, although I never got ravaged or had the shower with my hot boyfriend, bummer.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: okay so after discussing what to do with this chapter with my dear Lucy and Ethel I decided to go with EPOV again because I left on a cliffe

it would make more sense and I didn't want to confuse Y'all

so that is what I did it's EPOV again hope that's okay

once again I don't own anything Twi related I just play with these characters in the pool

Thanks for all the follows and favorites and the reviews they really make my day

hope you enjoy this chapter

It starts where the last one ended, if you cant remember Edward had just walked into Bella's hotel room

* * *

EPOV

She was gone, completely gone, her bed was fully made the room was empty. I spun around looking for any evidence that she was here, her clothes on the floor, shoes, anything but nothing there was nothing here. I walked into the bathroom hoping against hope that her stuff was in there. I flipped on the bathroom light and my heart stopped, It was empty as well.

I turned back to the bed, on top of the flowered hotel comforter was a white piece of paper with my name on it. The air that was left in my lungs rushed out and I fell to my knees at the foot of the bed. I slammed my fist down on the bed and screamed.

" No, why Bella, Why? You can't keep doing this to me." I just yelled so loud, I'm pretty sure the people in the suite down the hall heard me.

I grabbed the paper and wadded it up into as much as a ball as I could. I tossed it as far away from me. I didn't even want to know what it said, I rested my back against the foot of the bed and pulled my legs up to me chest and sobbed.

I was right back in that hospital room again starring at an empty bed that once occupied the women that I love. I could hear my phone ringing; I let it go to voice mail. I was not ready to talk to anyone, especially Alice.

I closed my eyes, remembering the phone call I made to her the day Bella disappeared.

_" Alice she's gone." I was crying so hard, I don't even think she understood me._

_" Edward, I didn't catch what you just said, are you okay."_

_" No Alice I'm not okay."_

_" What are you hurt do I need to call dad."_

_" I feel like I'm dying Alice, my heart hurts so much, I… I can't breath."_

_" Oh my god Edward where are you, do I need to call 911."_

_" No.. No she's gone Alice, Bella she's gone."_

_I could hear her tears falling. " Edward what do you mean gone, she's no longer with us? She's Dead? What do you mean."_

_I took a deep breath. " She checked herself out of the hospital, left without saying anything she's gone nobody knows where she went not even Charlie, she left me a note saying she's sorry." I punched the mirror in the bathroom shattering the glass. Spilling blood all over the counter and floor_

_" Edward, Edward answer me I heard glass shatter are you okay, where are you?" Alice yelled out._

_" Edward I'm calling 911 if you don't answer me oh God answer me Edward."_

_I looked down at my right hand glass shards were embedded into my knuckles there were huge cuts and blood was pouring out from my wrist. I must have slid it against the broken glass at some point. I started feeling lightheaded so I slouched down on the black bathroom rug. " I'm in my bathroom Alice there's a lot of blood, please call dad." It was the last thing I said before blackness took over._

I opened my eyes, no don't even think it you promised you would never do that again. I got to my feet and dragged my ass out of the room looking for the mini bar. I promised Alice I would never put my life at risk over her again, but I never promised I wouldn't ever drink again to drown my sorrows. Knowing it was a mistake to do it I grabbed the bottle of vodka and a glass off the full bar and walked back into what was once Bella's room. I sat back down at the foot of the bed and poured the straight vodka into the shot glass and downed it. I poured a second glass and held it up looking at the clear liquid.

" Thanks Bella for screwing me over one more time, I thought you were back, I should have known better than to believe in miracles." I put the glass to my lips and tossed it back.

Before I knew it the bottle of Vodka was gone. I crawled out of the room and found a bottle of whiskey. This will do. I grabbed the shot glass off the floor and tossed it across the room it bounced off the wall and hit the soft plush carpet with a thud. Fuck that didn't make me feel better.

I put the end of the bottle to my lips and downed the amber liquid it burned on the way down but I didn't care I was already feeling like I was burning from the inside out might as well go out in a huge ass flame.

I slumped back down at the foot of the bed, the white crumpled piece of paper, the last shred of evidence that Bella was really here stared right back at me, calling me to read what she had written for me, I couldn't do it.

I finished off the bottle of Whiskey throwing it at the crumpled white ball. " I hate you, I hate you, I hate you." I sobbed. " But I love you so much still, it hurts too much Bella, come back please, come back." I felt like I was going to be sick I tried to get up but fell back down, I curled up into a fetal position and held my stomach.

I heard the hotel room door close and voices far off in the distance; I pulled myself up off the floor, if it was Bella I needed to pull myself together.

I stumbled to the doorway of the bedroom my head was spinning. My stomach couldn't handle the amount of alcohol I had just put in it and I hurled all over the white carpet and my poor sister's Prada shoes. I ran to the bathroom and finished purging my stomach of what was left after that epic puke. I slid down the toilet and laid my head against the cold travertine tiles on the bathroom floor.

I felt a cold wash rag on my forehead; I looked up at my sister. I went to apologize but the look on her face stopped me.

" Just don't. I don't want to hear it right now, cause I'll just yell at you."

I just nodded and grabbed my stomach as it rolled again.

" Jasper can you call my dad please."

" No Alice please no."

" I told you to be quiet, he will help get the alcohol out so you wont have a big hangover tomorrow, You have 3 races tomorrow you idiot."

" Alice." My stomach rolled again and I sat up and placed my head back into the toilet. " Ugh, how much did I drink?" I felt the cold wash rag on my face again as I laid my head back on the tiles.

" Enough to make you vomit all over my thousand dollar shoes."

" Sorry." I closed my eyes.

" He's on his way, do you need some help with him." Jasper must have come into the room at some point.

" Yes we need to get him into bed. My dad will be here with supplies to help get the alcohol out faster can you pull the covers down." I felt them lift me up

I groaned when they set me on the bed. I felt Alice slip off my shoes and socks and pull the covers up on me.

" What supplies?" Jasper asked.

" Oh just a family remedy of orange juice and Nopal cactus powder."

" Who came up with this one?"

I inhaled the fresh scent of Bella off the pillows and drifted off to sleep before Alice could even answer him.

I pulled my black down trench coat across my body as the cold winter wind swirled around me and started out across the frozen tundra. I don't know why I was risking my life walking across a huge piece of ice covering the ocean with nothing but a down trench coat on, but something told me I needed to be out in the middle so I moved. With every step I took my feet were becoming more and more frozen, I am pretty sure they were purple maybe even black but I didn't want to look down. I kept trekking on till I came to a roadblock maybe I should call it an iceblock. I couldn't go forward there was a hole in the ice too big for me to go around it without falling in the water, so I turned around and was met with ocean on the other side, I spun around and was met with ocean once again. I was on a floating piece of ice the size of a small compact car. The wind picked up and started blowing water up at my face causing ice crystals to form in my eyelashes and brows. I needed to get off this block of ice but how.

" Jump and swim." A voice said behind me.

I spun around nobody was there, I looked down and was met with a small penguin at me feet. I shook my head I must be hallucinating.

" Did you just talk to me?"

" Yes."

" And did you just tell me to jump in the frozen water and swim?"

The penguin just nodded its head up and down.

" Are you fucking crazy, I'll freeze to death."

" I'm not the one talking to a penguin on a block of ice in the middle of Antarctica in nothing but a coat. I think you might just be the crazy one."

He did make a fine point." So your saying the only way off this is for me to jump in and swim."

" You know how to swim right? Or are you afraid of water?"

" Um I think I can manage just fine with swimming, it's the freezing water that's holding me back."

" You wont freeze trust me, I do it everyday, all day long and I'm always toasty warm every time."

" Hello your covered in feathers that keep you warm, I have this down jacket on the minute I jump in the down is going to clump up and weigh me down I'll drown."

" Then take it off."

" Once again are you nuts, it's the only thing that is keep me somewhat warm." The alarm on my watch started beeping.

" Oh looks like you need to be somewhere."

" Do you know why I am here?"

" Nope, are you stalling." He tapped his webbed foot on the ice.

" Maybe."

" Stop being a pansy and jump." He pecked at my foot making me jump.

" Stop that."

" No." he did it again.

" If I jump will you stop pecking at my frozen feet."

" Yes."

The beeping of my watch was growing louder and louder in my ears. I took off my coat and let it drop down to the block of ice, all I had on were my black jammers underneath the cold bitter air hit my bare skin and I shivered. I stepped to the edge and looked over, the water was a deep dark blue. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I stepped off the edge.

I felt a million needles prick my skin as I hit the icy cold water.

I opened my eyes I think the salt water must had made them blurry, but quickly realized it was from the bright sun shinning in the room instead. I blinked a few times and felt a huge pounding at the front of my head, and a buzzing noise at my ear. I reached for my phone and was met with more bed then I thought should be there. I rolled over; my body ached with the movement.

" Ugh what that ever loving fuck is going on I feel like shit. And why the hell is my bed wet Kirk, I thought we were over the hazing, and for the love of god could you please turn off the damn alarm."

" Well well well, sleeping beauty decided to wake up." A sweet angelic voice rang through the room.

I sat up. My head started spinning. " Ugh. Alice what are you doing here in my dorm.

" My dear idiot brother you're not in your dorm, you're in Jasper and Bella's hotel room."

I rubbed my eyes trying to wipe the sleep from my eyes. I looked around sure enough there were way to many floral patterns in the room to be my dorm and the bed was a hell of a lot bigger than they one I'd been sleeping in all week.

" I feel like shit."

" No duh dumbass, you should after how much you drank last night, oh and you owe me a new pair of Prada boots."

I rubbed my face trying to remember what went on last night but the pounding in my head was keeping things from coming to me.

" Please tell me I didn't throw up on you."

" No can do."

I looked up; my pixie sister was standing at the foot of the bed in nothing but a T-shirt with the Texas flag on it. " First off why is my bed wet? And secondly you have five seconds to explain to me why you are standing at the foot of the bed in a T-shirt that clearly is not yours." I gave her my best stink eye letting her know I was disappointed in her.

She looked down at herself and shrugged. " Oh this, it's Jaspers and before you go shouting of something you will regret, he was a complete gentleman last night and slept on the couch. He let me borrow this cause someone decided it would be cool if they expelled their stomach contents all over the floor and his awesome sister was standing in the way."

I hung my head. " I'm sorry, you didn't explain why my bed was wet."

" Oh that well you needed to wake up so I threw a bucket of ice at you."

" What the fuck Alice." I yelled causing my head to pound more.

" I thought it was funny, I came in here to wake you up and you were talking in your sleep, you said something about a penguin and ice and jumping into the water, it gave me the idea and it worked."

" If I didn't love you so much your ass would be fried into pixiedust." I groaned and lay back down. " What happened last night? And didn't you call dad last night I shouldn't be feeling this bad if he came here."

" He couldn't give you anything but water Edward, he was afraid that it would screw up the drug test and he wasn't willing to risk that."

" Oh." I rubbed the back of my head. " I'm a stupid idiot."

" I won't argue with you on that, Edward do you remember anything from last night."

" I remember talking to Bella." I stopped. My brain finally kicked in and played the whole night back to me, from leaving the aquatic center to Bella fainting, having her in my arms as I laid her on the couch. Hearing her reasons why she left, getting upset, walking out on her and going to a bar, coming to my senses and coming back to her only to find her gone again. Opening the Vodka bottle and downing it and moving on to the whisky. Starring at a wadded white piece of paper on the floor.

I jumped out of bed and stumbled over to the last place I remember the paper being it was gone. I looked all around the room for it but it was nowhere.

" Are you looking for this." Alice held the crumpled piece of paper in her hands.

" Where did you find that? And did you read it Alice."

She just shrugged. " Sorry I couldn't help myself."

I grabbed it out of her hands and sat down on the floor in front of the bed. " I doesn't matter anyway, she left again." Tears were getting ready to spill over once again.

Alice came over and sat down by me. " Hey, don't cry Edward, its not what you think, just read the note."

" Give me one good reason Alice, I've had my heart stomped on enough."

" Just read it, please."

I smoothed the paper out, and looked down at the paper.

**My dearest Edward,**

**I'm so sorry, I won't ever be able to say it enough, but I am. Watching you walk out and away from me killed me. I now know how you felt when I left, the difference is I always knew where you were the whole time and I took that away from you, you never had a clue where I was. I threw away the love you had for me over being insecure with myself and that's my fault not yours. I hope that someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I loved you so much back then and I still love you with all my heart today. You are the moon that lights the night sky making it so its not so dark when I walk home every night from work and you're the sun that shines through my kitchen window every morning while I drink my coffee. If I've learned anything it's that life is short and I don't want to regret anything, so I'm writing you this letting you know you are my world you have always been from the day you hit me with that football.**

**I love you so much; good luck and go kick some ass**

**I'll always be here waiting for you; you just need to know where to look for me.**

**Love,**

**Bella**

The tears came on their own; I felt the same damn way. She was my moon, my sun and my stars. " She left Alice, she felt this way and yet she still left, I don't get it."

" Oh Edward I promised her." She looked away from me.

" Promised her what? Tell me what you promised her." I raised my voice again.

" Don't yell at her, its not her fault you're a huge douchebag." A glass of pink liquid was shoved in my face. " Drink this maybe it will help with your attitude, your sister saved your ass last night you should be grateful."

I looked up to Jasper towering over us in nothing but a pair of flannel bottoms. He had a tattoo on his chest of the confederate flag. And a few scars littering his arms. I had to admit he was kind of intimidating.

" Plus you owe me too, I had to sleep on that good awful couch last night after I cleaned up your puke."

" Sorry man, what is this stuff?"

" Strawberry shake from shakeology, don't ask it works trust me."

" I downed the shake, my stomach was a little queezy I wasn't sure it would stay down."

" Don't worry it will settle your stomach, give it a few minutes then you need to eat some bread, Alice ordered some plain bagels from room service it should be here shortly. I'll leave you too to talk, and remember what you promised Bella, Alice."

" Jasper that's so unfair, I cant he's my." He stopped her

He closed his eyes. " Bella is going to kill me, just promise me you wont let him do anything stupid."

I looked between the two of them. " For the love of God tell me what's going on what did you promise her Alice."

She took a deep breath " I promised I wouldn't tell you the reason she left."

" What come again."

" Edward please just promise me you won't drop out."

" Alice tell me now."

She closed her eyes tears were falling down her cheeks. " Edward it's Charlie."

My world spun on it's axis again, I ran to the bathroom and expelled the shake that I had just drank.

" Edward." Alice's soft voice came from the doorway.

" What happened? please tell me."

" All we know so far is that he was helping out the Seattle PD look for a accused murderer, he was driving on one of the back roads in Forks they think he swerved to miss hitting an animall and drove off the side of the road and down an embankment he didn't have his seat-belt on and was ejected. the last Bella heard he was in surgery."

" She needs me I need to go." I tried to get up off the floor

" No you can't she doesn't want that, she told me to make you stay."

" I cant do that Alice, I can't leave her alone to deal with that what if he doesn't make it, she shouldn't be alone."

" She's not, Rose and Emmett are with her."

" What?"

" Rose got a call right after you left that she was needed back home to help with a patient, so Emmett rode with her to the airport to drop her off, while they were getting her bags out of the trunk they saw Bella get out of a taxi and high tail it into the airport, they got curious knowing you were suppose to be with her and Emmett talked Rose into following her. she bought a ticket to New York and a connecting flight to Seattle, she put her bags up on the belt and walked away without even noticing they were both behind her. Emmett purchased tickets for the both of them on the same flight, when they got to the gate they saw her looking straight forward and crying, Rose calmly talked to her and found out what happened. she called Jasper and asked him to find you, although I hate social media I had a clue where to start looking. Next time you decide to hit up a bar you might want to disguise yourself."

" Great."

" Yeah great we had to lie to your coach and tell him yes you were at our house and no you were not drunk. oh how wrong we were on that one, oh and by the way dad is furious with you so have fun making that phone call this morning."

" And Bella how is she?"

" A mess, the last Jasper or I heard from Emmett or Rose they were boarding their flight in New York for Seattle and Charlie was still in Surgery that was an hour ago."

my heart was aching. " I need her number please."

" Let me get it from Jasper, hang on." she walked out of the room and came back with Jasper's phone and handed it to me.

I got up off the bathroom floor and walked to the bed, I grabbed my phone off the bedside table and opened my contacts.

" I'll leave you alone for a minute." she walked out of the room.

I sunk down onto the bed, dialed her number and waited, it rang three times before it went to voice mail.

This is Bella Swan owner of Shutter's Gallery sorry I cant take you phone call right now but leave me a message and I'll get back to as soon as a can thanks and have a great day.

" Bella." I whispered. " Baby please call me, I'm sorry I left, I need to know you are okay please please please call me when you land, I'll stay here, I'll swim just call me please."

I was sobbing by the time I hung up the phone. Alice came and sat back down on the bed.

" Are you ready to go you need to be at the aquatic center in an hour."

" I cant Alice, I cant."

" You can, you just promised Bella you would swim and that's exactly what you are going to do."

" She's not here I need her here."

" She's been with you all along, she's right there in you heart." Alice placed her hand over my bare chest and rubbed the swan.

" You're right, she has always been in my heart."

* * *

A/N: okay hides under desk

hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it, the dream had me laughing cause I pictured Edward standing their in his black boxers scratching his head looking down at a talking penguin

Next chapter Bella, the airport and what happened to charlie

read/ review/ rec/ favorite do what ever floats your boat but I love to hear feedback


	8. Chapter 8

AN: sorry for the long delay between chapters RL has been a bitch the last few months between working and being team mom for sons football team, the only thing that kept me sane was camping with my Besties Ethel and Lucy for BD2 LA tent city, we had a blast and I would camp out for anything with the two of you gals

once again I dedicate this Chapter to the two of you girls, love and hugs

oh and I dont own these Characters I just own my thoughts

Enjoy

* * *

**BPOV**

I walked through airport security on autopilot; the TSA agent that came over to London to help during the Olympics had to ask a few times for my passport. I'm pretty sure he thought I might be a crazy person and put me on an alert list since I was padded down a few times after walking through the scanners.

I made it to terminal 4 and plopped down into the nearest empty seat, the terminal was not very busy considering it was two in the morning and most people were still attending the games. I pulled out my phone hoping for news of any kind on my father's condition, but there was nothing.

My tears welled up thinking about him, he was alone, and I needed to get to him.

I closed my eyes, thinking back to when the phone call came in and I sobbed. Edward had just walked out the door and I slid down the door willing him to come back, I could hear my phone ringing in the room, I didn't want to move but I had a feeling it was important I'm glad I did finally get up. I stood there shocked as the nurse told me that Charlie had been in an accident and was being flown to Harborview medical center in Seattle by medical chopper and that she would call with more info when she received it.

My body went into to shock and I dropped my phone and curled up in fetal position on the plush hotel room carpet and cried. I crawled to the door on my hands and knees hoping that Edward changed his mind and was just in the hallway. I opened the door and was disappointed when I found it empty.

I must have snapped out of it cause here I am sitting in the airport, about to board a plane in a few hours for New York then on to Seattle. I stared at my phone willing it to ring, I felt a hand on my right shoulder and looked up seeing Emmett and Rosalie crouched down in front of me.

I fell into Emmett's strong arms and sobbed. " Charlie, its Charlie…. Ed…Edward left… I… I."

" Shhhh. Bella take a breath… calm down. Come on sweet angel, you need breathe." Emmett whispered in my ear.

" What do you mean Edward left?" He asked.

" He left, walked out, he didn't…. he." I couldn't even finish, he walked out before I even got the chance to tell him really anything I apologized, tried to tell him why I left, but never really fully got to explain myself.

I felt Rosalie's arm on my shoulder and I turned my attention to her. " Hey let's forget about Edward right now, I thought I heard you say something about Charlie." I turned to meet her blue eyes.

" Charlie was in an accident, he's being airlifted to Harborview in Seattle I need to get home." I whispered, barley getting the words out. The tears were shooting off my eyes and landing on Emmett's sleeve. I wasn't a pretty crier; in fact I'm pretty sure there was a trail of snot running down my nose at this moment.

Rosalie handed me her scarf. " I know it's not a handkerchief but use it please."

I took the silk scarf and wiped my nose and eye's. " I'm sorry it's now ruined."

" It's okay I really didn't like that one anyway, have you heard anymore on Charlie's condition?" she asked as she rubbed circles on my back trying to get me to calm down.

I shook my head no. " The nurse said she would call me when she gets more information."

Rose grabbed my hand as soon as Emmett let me go." So what happened? Why did Edward leave, does he know about Charlie?"

I hung my head. " Um we were talking, I apologized for leaving, was in the middle of explaining my reason's, I guess he didn't like my answers, I don't know." I shrugged. " No he left before I got the call, he doesn't know about Charlie."

" I'm calling him." Emmett said as he stood up and retrieved his phone out of the back pocket of his black jeans.

" No!" I yelled grabbing Emmett's phone away from his ear.

" Bella."

" No, please just let me get to Seattle, see Charlie first."

" Emmett why don't you go get us some Chai tea Latte's at the Starbucks I saw walking in, Bella could use something to calm her nerves." Rose said as she pulled his phone out of my death grip and placed it on the seat next to her.

Emmett nodded and Rose winked at him, she handed him his phone trying not to let me see but I caught it. I watched Emmett's retreating form as he walked down the mostly empty corridor.

" Bella look at me, you need to trust yourself again with Edward, you can't keep things from him especially if you want things to work out with him, you do want things to work out right?"

I turned my head away from the now empty walkway and looked at Rosalie's concerned face. " As much as I want to trust him, trust in us again it's never going to happen Rose, never."

" Bella stop that."

" No look, I ruined anything we had when I left, he'll never forgive me and he shouldn't, I shouldn't be thinking about this right now anyway." I turned away from Rose. " Charlie is laying on a table in the operating room fighting for his life and you're talking to me about Edward I... I just can't deal with this right now." I got up and ran across the hall to the bathroom locking myself in a stall and sobbed on the toilet seat.

I hate pity parties but I just really needed to have a good cry. I sat there for twenty minutes before I wiped the tears and snot off my face.

I walked back to my seat to find Rose with her head in Emmets lap. I internally smiled, it was nice seeing both of them happy.

" Well isn't this cozy." I said as I plopped back down on my seat.

Rose sat up. " Did you get the ugly cry out?"

" Rose." Emmett grabbed her hand and placed it in his lap.

" Emmett... It's fine I did get the ugly out, and I'm pretty sure there will be more... Are you sure you two really want to baby-sit me."

" We are not babysitting you Bella you need some support you shouldn't do this all alone." Emmett grabbed my hand and pulled me into his lap.

" I'm so glad to have my little sister back, and since Edward is not here I'm going to take care of you."

Tears formed in my eyes again. " You didn't call him did you...please tell me you didn't." I buried my head into his chest. Emmett was always a big protective teddy bear.

" Calm your tits Bella, I called mom and dad and Alice, he's going to find out, you know Alice can't lie to him, those two have that freaky twin mind thing."

"Yeah, I remember." I whispered into his chest.

" Look, Alice is going to make sure he stays and finishes his races okay, but after that she's not going to stop him from leaving London."

" There's really no reason he should, I... I ruined it Emmett he won't ever forgive me."

" Bella honey look at me." He grabbed my chin and pulled it up so I could look into his blue eyes. " Edward never stopped loving you, yes it nearly killed him when you left, you guys had this connection I had never seen before... Well that is until I met Rose..." He smiled at her and then gave her a wink. " I completely understand now... I don't think you know this Bella but Edward and I would stay up for hours talking on the phone, or if I was home we would hang at the apartment and he would tell me how much he has never loved anyone as much as he loves you."

I shook my head it was not possible after I left.. he couldn't love me like that anymore.

" He told me that there is this pull between you two, like if he went a few hours without seeing you he needed a fix... Kinda like a drug Bella... and you being gone was literally killing him cause that fix was gone. I thought he was full of such bullshit but then I spilled my coffee on Rose and that pull hit me and the rest is history."

He kissed Rose on top of her blonde curls. She sweetly smiled at him. I climbed off his lap and slid into the chair bumping my ass on the metal armrest on the way down.

" Ouch that fucking hurt." I rubbed my ass cheek. " You guys are sickly sweet, I'm glad you guys found each other."

I mulled over the words Emmett spoke. I completely felt the same way. There was always that magnetic pull between us. If I was away for to long I started to crave him. I missed his masculine scent that wafted over me as he lifted me into his arms for a hug. I missed his gentle touch as he brushed the sides of my face with his thumbs before pulling my lips up to his for a kiss. I missed his cool breath next to my ear as he whispered words of love in my ear to get me to wake up. I sighed, I really thought it was just me, I never knew it was the same with him.

I missed these things being away, I would often lay awake in my bed in the mornings wishing that his beautiful face was starring back at me. I'd always end up crying on those mornings and by noon I would have a bag packed, only to start pulling out of the driveway and stop, I would stare at my beautiful home and remember why I left and change my mind.

" I know how he felt, I felt the same thing."

" If you felt the same thing then why did you leave Bella? How could you not see how much it would kill him."

Fresh tears Streamed down my face. Where they were coming from I have no clue. I never cried so much in my life

I didn't get to answer him; we were called to board the plane. I grabbed my backpack off the floor and slung it over my shoulder, Emmett grabbed my laptop and ushered us over to the door. I handed the attendant my ticket and walked into the Jetway, the cool England air hit me as I walked down the hall and into the plane.

I found my seat and set my backpack under the seat in front of me. Emmett handed me my laptop and plopped down in the seat next to me. I raised my eyebrow at him wondering why Rose was sitting all be her lonesome across the aisle.

" I'm a big girl I can sit by myself for a 7 hour flight Emmett you can go sit by your girlfriend." I tried to shoo him away with my hand.

" Nope this is my assigned seat you cant get rid of me. Plus Rose snores when she sleeps on planes." He chuckled.

I couldn't help but join him.

" Yay I got her to laugh, my job is complete."

" Shush, I'm putting these babies on and ignoring you the whole way." I pulled out my bose noise reducing earphones. I wasn't going to tell him that after a few hours they hurt my head and I would have to remove them. Hopefully he'd be asleep then.

I decided to call the hospital one more time to check in, before the long flight home.

I hung up and felt deflated, the nurse had no new news for me, she said he was still in surgery and they were trying to stop the internal bleeding, that's all she had been told.

I felt Emmett's hand slip into mine. " He'll be okay Bella." He whispered in my ear.

I just nodded and closed my eyes as the rest of the passengers boarded the plane. I wasn't a religious girl but I prayed to whomever was out there to watch over Charlie and to let him live.

It didn't take long and we were taxiing out to the runway. My heart sunk knowing that I was once again leaving Edward. The lights of London slowly disappeared below us, tears sprung again down my face, and Emmetts rough football hands squeezed mine.

" Try to sleep Bella, forget about what you are going home to, forget what you are leaving for just a few hours okay."

I nodded and slid my headphones on, I turned my phone back on since the pilot announced it was safe and found a playlist hoping that it would calm me and lull me to sleep. I closed my eyes and the beginning chords of Unchained melody started playing. Tears began to cloud my closed eyelids as the memories began to flood my brain.

_I had just finished a long day of Ballet rehearsals when my contemporary dance teacher stuck her head into the ballet studio and asked me to stay after to run through a routine she had just completed the choreography for. She also asked Neil to stay after as well as it was a contemporary duet. She said if we nailed it, it would be ours for the end of the year show. She was hoping to take it to nationals._

_I knew Edward was meeting me outside of the building in a few minutes so I texted him that I would be late and to meet me at my dorm._

_We got to work running through the first steps of the routine as she told us the story behind the dance. She wanted to recreate the scene from Ghost, you know the one where Demi Moore aka Molly is making the pottery and Patrick Swayze aka Sam sits down behind her at the pottery table and turns her pot into something that resembles ET, then it all get's steamy after that. Yeah well that's what she wanted to recreate with a dance and with Neil for Christ sakes, good thing he was gay._

_I stood there and stared at her for a second then turned to Neil and burst out laughing. " You want me to what. Come again."_

_She went over to the Ipod deck and turned it on. " You heard me Bella, I know you both can pull this off, you do this dance and you both have a shot at Julliard."_

_I shook my head as she pulled out a stool for me to sit on and pretend I was making a damn pot. " Now sit and let's get going on this." She pushed me down on the stool and headed to the mirrors in front._

_I felt Neil's hands slowly slip down my arms and his warm breath on my shoulder as he sat down on the stool behind me. I closed my eyes and let the music take over, and felt myself get lost in the dance._

_We practiced two weeks straight on that dance, good thing Edward was gone one of those weeks at a meet cause the long hours were beginning to take it's toll not only on my body but the amount of sleep I was getting I was physically exhausted._

_My body was a wonderland of bruises from all the times Neil dropped me. The lifts alone in this dance were crazy hard. We had over the shoulder spins and he had to catch me mid air twice after I jumped off the bed and stools we had as props and throw me back onto the bed. It was pure insanity, but I would be crazy not to say that at the end of two weeks we had nailed it and I couldn't wait to show everyone our hard work._

_The night of the end of the year show I was a bundle of nerves Edward had never seen me dance before, it would be his first time seeing me in action, not to mention the first time he would meet my dad, the chief_

_I paced the back hallway in my tutu, my fist dance of the whole night was a Pas De deux with Tony also know to all the women in ballet dance class as Mr. . Yes we whispered and giggled in the locker rooms after class, asking who was the lucky one that got to brush up against his bulge in his white tights that day. Yes we were that immature._

_Mrs. Cope my Ballet teacher called me to stage left and grabbed my sweaty palms. " Bella forget there is someone here from Julliard, forget there are Broadway producers and Choreographers here, forget that your boyfriend is on the front row with your father and just do what you always do Bella and dance, get lost in the music like you always do. I have so much faith in you, you are a beautiful and amazing dancer Bella you will go far." She padded my ass much like coaches did to their football players and pushed me to my spot behind the curtain._

_I closed my eyes as the first notes of Swan Lake filled the auditorium and I started my assent across stage in my tutu and point shoes. Tony and I finished our dance to applause and I looked down at the front Row Edward was smiling and clapping. I took my bow and flitted off the stage to change._

_By the time the last dance came around I was tired my body spent and I knew I had to pull this last one out if I wanted to get in to Julliard. I took them a few minutes to set up the stage for Neil's dance and mine. I gave me time to mentally prepare myself this dance was seductive and I needed to dig deep tonight, yes Neil was a very gay man we had to make it believable, we had to sell the story to the audience._

_The stage was finally set and I took my place on the stool, I was wearing nothing but white spanx and a white silk button down shirt and white bra. Neil was back behind me leaning on a wall, he was suppose to be watching me, he had on a pair of white linen pants that were rolled up past his ankles and that's it he was shirtless. I would be up against his sweaty abs in a matter of seconds._

_The announcer announced the next dance and said our names; I heard a few whistles and knew it was Edward and a few of his teammates. The Curtains were opened and I closed my eyes as the first strains of the music started. I placed my hands on the pottery and the got lost to the music before I knew it the music had stopped and I was in Neil's arms on the floor breathing heavy, we hugged and he pulled me up to a standing position and we bowed. I scanned the front row and my eyes landed on Edward, he was wiping away tears, I wanted to run off the stage and fly into his arms._

I opened my eyes and wiped away the tears that were running down my cheeks. That night Edward told me that he fell more deeply in love with me seeing me on stage and that he wished he was the one behind me instead of Neil, he wanted to be the one that drove the passion out of me.

I told him I was picturing it was him behind me the whole time. We ended up making love all night long that night.

I could feel the heat in my cheek's flare up.

I needed to take off the headphones so I slipped them off quietly hoping to not wake Emmett. Rose was fast asleep and snoring across the aisle with her blue blanket and her eye mask securely covering her eyes. I giggled a little too loudly and Emmett opened his eyes.

" I thought I told you to sleep." he eyes me warrily.

" Headphones started hurting."

He hmmd. " Why are your cheeks all red and rosy Bella?"

I felt them flame even more. " It's nothing."

" Oh Bella Boo boo you still blush like a virgin seeing a penis for the first time, must have been some memory." He said a little to loudly.

" Oh my god Emmett hush, and who says penis these days." I slapped his shoulder, hoping the old lady behind us was fast asleep and didn't hear our conversation.

"You know you never answered me earlier Bella." He whispered as to not wake the sleeping passengers.

" Oh now you whisper." He just shrugged his shoulders " what question was that?"

" The one about the reason why you left my brother."

I looked out at the dark sky trying to avoid talking to him about this, nobody would fully understand why I left, hell most days I didn't even understand.

I turned to face Emmett and took a deep breath to ground myself; I went to open my mouth to start the conversation but was interrupted by the pilot announcing our descent into New York. I was grateful for the reprieve.

" I'm not letting you off the hook Bella, next leg we are having this discussion."

I just turned away and looked out at the beginning signs of light far below us.

* * *

The next leg was far better than the last only cause Rose was sitting next to me the whole way. She must have slipped me a sleeping pill or something in my drink cause I slept the whole way and only woke to the pilot announcing that we were at our gate at Sea-tac. I would have to ask her about that later.

I stood on wobbly knees and retrieved my backpack from under the seat in front of me. I grabbed my phone and turned it on hoping that there would be a message from the hospital, but the only message I had was from Edward asking me to let him know we were here safe and that he was sorry for walking out last night,

" Emmett can you text Edward and tell him we are here safe, he wanted to know I… I just cant right now."

" Bella, you should do it he texted you not me." Emmett said as he flung his backpack and Roses over his shoulder and left the first class cabin for the jetway.

" Emmett please I just….. I can't not until I know how Charlie is okay, then I can deal with Edward."

Emmett just glared at me and shook his head. " You are such a chicken shit Bella it's a text not a phone call. And besides he's probably swimming right now and he cant answer so you should be safe."

He was right I forgot the time difference while it was still nighttime in Seattle, it was day time in London Edward would be swimming. " Fine, I'll text him." I relented and pulled my phone and sent a reply that we had made it safely.

Emmett got all our bags and secured a rental car and we were off navigating the streets of Seattle. It had been a long time since I step foot in Seattle the last time was when I flew out for College. Charlie and I tried to stay away from the city it brought to many memories of my mother, yet here I was heading to the hospital once again not knowing if another one of my parents would be alive by the time I got there.

Emmett pulled up to the Emergency door at Harborview and I jumped out, Rose followed behind me and Emmett said he would park the car. Rose grabbed my hand and we headed in. I started shaking my fear of hospitals kicking in, I hated them people only went to them to die.

We slowly made it to the nurse's station and a big red haired nurse in black scrubs that were covered in tiny green frogs asked if she could help us.

Rose nudged my shoulders. " Oh yeah um I'm Bella Swan my um father Charlie he was airlifted here."

A look of sadness crossed her features and my heart sunk but before I could ask she was leading us down a hall to a small room. " The doctor will be right with you Miss Swan."

" Bella, please call me Bella."

" She nodded and closed the door as she left."

I started pacing the small room. My hands were sweaty and I couldn't stop the feeling of dread that kept creeping into my mind.

" You're making me sick why don't you sit." Rose patted the red plastic chair next to her.

" What's taking the Doctor so long." The door pushed open and I jumped, it was only Emmett though, and my pacing continued.

" Has she been doing that this whole time." Emmett whispered to Rose.

" Yes for the last ten minutes." She whispered back.

" You know I can hear your whole conversation, I'm right here." I spun and glared at the two of them sitting on the chairs, how can they be so calm?

The door pushed open again and a man with gray hair and a white lab coat walked in followed by an older woman in a gray pencil skirt and white button down blouse. " Miss Swan." The gray haired man asked

" That's me, I held out my hand for him to shake.

" Why don't you sit down." he motioned to the last empty seat in the room

" Just tell me please, is he okay."

I saw him take in a gulp of air. " I'm sorry, Miss Swan but we tried everything he... he didnt."

the Doctor didnt finish before the room went black.

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AN:/ So what did you think, do you think Bella will be brave enough to call Edward now?

review let me know what you thought

thanks for all the likes, favorites follows and reviews they are much appreciated

you can follow me on twitter at acullengirl37


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: so yeah I finally got this chapter written it's about time right, I landed a nursing job finally so life has been crazy, but when I work nights every two weeks I have time to write as my patients are sleeping so have quite a few chapters written now.

I don't own twilight or it's characters I do own this Swimmerward

once again this goes out to my two besties Ethel and Lucy love you girls

hope you enjoy this one

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EPOV:

I felt reasonably good considering I drank more than my fair share of vodka the night before, the first laps in the pool this morning were rough and Aro let me know just how upset he was with me by making me swim five extra, before I was excused to go and rest before my first race. Now sitting in my room trying to find some peace I can't help but wonder if Bella made it back to Seattle safely. I grabbed my phone of the night stand and checked it for the hundredth time since this morning.

" Dude what has you checking your phone so many god damn times today, we are supposed to be resting it's kind of hard to sleep with the clanking of the phone every time you set it back on the nightstand."

" If it's bothering you that much I'll just leave and go into the common room."

" Look just stay you need the sleep more than I do, whatever it is it will be there when you wake up." he rolled over and started snoring again.

I couldn't sleep, I was worried about Bella, she was only back in my life for five minutes yet it felt as though she was never gone, and Charlie what if he didn't make it, god Bella would be devastated and alone. I looked at my phone one more time and gave up, either she was still flying or she didn't want to talk to me, sighing I rolled over and closed my eyes.

the alarm on my phone started beeping altering me that it was time to get up, I rolled over and grabbed it off nightstand turning it off, once it was off I checked my messages again and finally there was a text from Bella saying they arrived safe, that was all she said.

I reluctantly climbed out of my bed and stretched, my muscles felt a little stiff and I knew that would mean some time spent in the hot tub and on the massage table before coach even let me in the pool.

"So did she text you'" James asked as he rolled out of bed, standing and stretching.

"Yeah she did, and before you say I told you so just don't ask what's going on please I'd like to keep this private okay."

He held his hands up in surrender. "I won't ask but don't come crying me this time when she breaks your heart again."

I slipped into the bathroom before he could say anything further about the subject, James was this my one brave enough to say anything about Bella, I don't know if it was just his nature to play with fire or if it was his true concern for me, he was the only one that questioned me when I walked back through the door to the pool and asked coach to take me back, he would take my place on couches at parties when girls would throw themselves at me, but I think he was all too willing to place himself there. But above all I saw his concern when Bella's name came up in a conversation and pain crossed my face. I shook off my semi erect dick, yeah go ahead and sue me, just thinking her name caused certain body parts to stir. I flushed the toilet and walked out of the bathroom. I sat down on the bed and grabbed my USA track suit and slipped it on over my black boxers and grey V-neck t-shirt. I slipped on my black Adidas slides and grabbed my duffel bag.

James held the door open for me and I walked out of our tiny room, he shut the door and followed me as I made my way down the hallway towards the stairs.

"the stairs huh?" James said as he passed me and turned to corner beading for the first flight.

He stopped on the first flight and turned back to me. " Hey Edward I hope she's okay, I know how good you two were together and I know I gave you so much crap but it was out of pure jealousy ." He started jogging down the stairs. I sat there stunned for a few minutes and then made my way down the three flights of stairs to the lobby.

We walked in silence as we made our way to the bus to take us to the aquatic center, my mind was focused on Bella and what she was going through, was Charlie out of surgery, or worse did he even make it through it. I ran my hands through my hair in frustration.

"Cullen pull your head out of your ass and focus son, we've been sitting in front of the aquatic center for ten minutes now are you coming in or are you too chicken to take on the Russians?" Coach Aro smiled as I lifted my head shocked that we were indeed stopped in front of the doors leading into the aquatic center.

I grabbed my bag and stood up ma way off the bus the driver smirked as I stepped off the steps and hit the pavement.

"You want to talk about it?" he said as he put his arm over my shoulder.

"Not really." I said as I shrugged off his arm and slung my bag over my shoulder. Flashbulbs went off as I walked in, luckily the doors were only a few short steps from the door and they only got a few shots before I walked through the glass and shut myself off from the paparazzi Nazi's.

I hit the locker room and flung my bag down on the bench, I grabbed my jammers out and slid my pants off, funny thing about guys they could care less who saw them in all their naked glory, in fact if I was being honest most of the time we checked each other out seeing if they were bigger or smaller, I of course wasn't lacking in that department and really had no problem standing in front of other guys and carrying on a conversation fully naked yes I know I was pretty cocky no pun intended.

The Russians came in and plopped their bags down and smirked at us as they stripped down, we stood there naked and had a stare down. They had it out for us, they thought they were going to win the relay today but come an hour from now those smirks would be wiped cleanly off their faces.

I turned away from them and slipped on my black jammers, jumping up and down to get the tight shorts up. I sat back down on the bench and slipped my warm up pants back on along with my jacket to keep me warm. I slipped my slides back on and grabbed my phone, debating for a minute if I should text Bella or not deciding against it really wanting her to reach out to me so instead I sent a text to Alice just asking her to give me a sign that everything was okay.

I grabbed my headphone and headed out of the locker room, I walked down to the holding room and plopped down onto the white plastic chairs, and I slipped on my headphones and turned up the hard rock music blaring out the distraction from other athletes.

My race was called and I stood up moving my neck side to side to get the kinks out I walked out to the pool deck, the smell of chlorine filling my nostrils and calming my nerves. I looked up to stands as I stood in front of my starting block and my eyes landed on Alice, she smiled at me and I could see she was trying to make me feel good but I knew her better than anyone else she was my womb mate after all.

I gave her a small smile letting her know I was okay that she hadn't heard from her, and warmed up my arms and legs by moving them around, I jumped up and down a few times and then kneeled down to grab some water out of the pool splashing it up and over my shoulders, the warm liquid eased some of the tension out of my muscles. My name was called and I waved to the spectators cheering us all on, I climbed up on my block and got ready to hit the water.

The announcers voice said go and I burst off the block and hit the water, when I surfaced my body on instinct took off when I finally hit the wall after four laps I couldn't believe it another gold medal, my dreams were coming to fruition, a few more races and I would do it, I would prove to the world that all my training and hard work had paid off, but more importantly I would prove that to myself.

When Bella left I gave up on my dreams, I didn't want them if she wasn't there to celebrate them with me, I lied to myself all those years thinking I didn't need her in my life but seeing again my I knew that was blasphemy she was my soul mate, my love my everything and she was miles away having to deal with things I didn't even want to think about.

I looked at the score board and realized that once again I broke a world record the crowd was cheering and I looked up into the faces of my family, they were jumping up and down happy smiles across their face, I didn't know what I would do without my family they were my biggest cheerleaders, my parents tried no matter what to make it to my meets. They were my rock when Bella left, they got me through the tough times and stood by me even when I rebelled and ran away.

I swam to the steps and got out of the pool, taking a big deep breath I made my way over to the reporter that was waiting on me to tell the viewers in America how winning the gold felt.

"Edward that was race was amazing, once again breaking another world record so how does it feel to win another Gold."

Trying to talk through pants "It feels pretty great." Pant pant…" it feels amazing actually."

"What were you thinking when you stepped up on the block." She asked, putting the microphone she was talking into in my face.

I panted a few more times trying to catch my breath. "I was thinking just go out and do your best..." I smirked knowing I was being a smart ass, god I really hate the questions they ask sometimes.

"So you have the IM relay coming up in twenty minutes is your team prepared to take on the Russians."

I took a deep breath. "I think my team is pretty capable to take them on and win Shirley." I said smirking again.

" well you seem pretty confident there Edward, Dimitri is a pretty strong swimmer and you will going up against him bringing up the rear, there's been talk that they want to shatter the world record, what do you think about that."

"Well I guess then we will just have to swim faster than them wont we." I turned and walked way not wanting to deal with her crap anymore.

I slipped into the warm down pool and swam two laps before climbing out and walking back to the holding room. I grabbed my pants and jacket and slid them back on to once again keep my muscles warm. I plodded down in the plastic chairs next to James.

"Stupid ass reporters, have you ever wanted to shove the microphone in their mouth to shut them up." I huffed.

James just laughed. "On many occasions, what did they say this time to piss you off?" He asked as he played with his iPod.

"She thinks the Russians are going to beat us." I said as I grabbed my IPod flipping through my playlist looking for a song to relax my nerves. Landing on Metallica's the unforgiven three. Yes hard rock metal songs relaxed me and got me pumped up at the same time.

He laughed and put his ear buds in his ears. We both sat in silence except for the the music in our ears until we were called out to the swim deck, I was grateful that this would be my last race for the day and then I planned on getting a hold of Bella even if I have to call the hospital myself or get my father to use his authority to find out how Charlie was.

short of the medal ceremony for the last race and knowing that there would be a second one for the race I was about to swim cause the Russians were going to go back crying to their rooms when we beat their ass's out there in the pool I would be done for the day.

We walked out as a team I fell to the back of the pack knowing I was the last one to swim, we made it to the blocks we were in lane four once again the best lane for drag and vision, and we had the advantage.

I looked up to the stands once again this time though Alice was missing, she wasn't sitting next to my parents, my heart felt like it was going to stop. My mother smiled and mouthed bathroom, I took a deep breath and smiled back at her. I placed my hand over my heart and she nodded in understanding that I needed to feel as close to Bella as I could.

James got up on the block and just like I knew we would we pulled out ahead of the pack, by the time it was my turn to get up on the blocks we had half a pool length ahead of the Russians, I hit the water and took off like a bullet, when I surfaced the only thing I could think about was getting through the first lap and still having the lead, I hit the wall and barley heard my teammates yelling go go go as I flipped and made my way back to the other side of the pool. I could see the Dimitri gaining ground on me as I looked to my left with my breaths, I could feel my muscles starting to cramp up and slowly I was losing my lead. My arms were burning as I hit the wall and noticed we beat the Russians by half a hand length.

I heard the crowd cheering as my teammates lifted me out of the pool and hugged my wet body. "Edward we broke the world record buddy." James said into my ear as he wrapped his arms around me.

A round of high fives and a ton of breaths later we made our way over to get interviewed. "Sorry I almost lost that for us guys." I said as the interviewer called us over, the Russian team walked past us Dimitri glared at me as the other teammates pulled him towards the doorway.

"So Edward." The interviewer started in. " What happened out there you guys had a huge lead and then it seemed out of nowhere you lost your steam." she stuck the microphone in my face wanting a response.

It took everything in me not to growl at her. "You know I really don't know what happened but we won didn't we." I raised my eyebrows at her, she moved on to James and I took the opportunity to look up to the stands to see if my family was still sitting in their seats but they were gone and I didn't know what to think about that, we finished the interview and headed to the locker room to put our medal ceremony clothes on.

I stood on the podium and listened as they played the national anthem, we waved to the crowd and we all stepped down. "Party tonight fellas what do you think." Mike asked.

"Mike you can party because you are done, the rest of us though Coach would tan our hides if he found out we were not in our dorms sleeping." James said.

"Live a little James, I heard the red head Victoria from the Russian team is going to be there." Mike said smirking, he knew he had James at that. He would do anything for a piece of foreign pussy.

I shook my head and walked away. "Cullen man come on." Mike said.

"You guys go have fun, I'm not really in the mood for partying tonight." I said as I headed off the pool deck.

I needed to find my family especially Alice and find out if they heard anything from Emmett. I grabbed my bag from the locker area and started walking out.

"Cullen you think you're this hot shot now huh beating us, you finally pulled your head out your ass after that whore walked away from you." Dimitri's Russian accent rang in my ears.

I was seeing red and going after him for calling Bella a whore when I felt strong arms pull me back. "Edward he's not worth it." Jasper said as he pulled me back against him.

"Like hell he's not." I said ad I tried in vain to get out of his grip.

"Trust me dude I could punch the douche in the face right now for saying what he did but come on be the bigger man Edward."

"You don't know what you are asking me to do Jasper this is Bella he's talking about." I said as I pulled out just a little bit and tried to get to him but it was futile Jasper is surprisingly strong for how sqwany his ass is.

"Look I would love nothing more than to let you go so you can beat his ass to a pulp but I cant Edward instead kick hiss sorry ass in the pool."

I wouldn't give up the struggle

"Edward come on man, Alice heard from Emmett she needs to talk to you please let's go." He said, this time I let up.

I spun around and looked at Jasper, there was sadness in his eyes. "Jasper tell me right now." I growled.

"No not here, there is a car waiting for you outside to take you back to my hotel, let's go."

He dragged me towards the exit. I didn't even look back at Dimitri.

"Edward you coward running away again because of some nasty pussy." Dimitri's words stopped jasper in his tracks.

He spun and crossed the room so fast one would have thought he had some super human power. He got right up in his face. "If I hear you ever utter anymore words about Isabella I will rip your arms off, then your legs and then your ugly ass head will be next to go, do you understand me."

I stood there stunned for a few minutes the followed Jasper out the door. "Jasper your job is probably on the line now."

" I could care less about the Job, I really wasn't here for that anyway, Bella wouldn't pull her head out of her ass so someone had to do it for her." He said as he opened the back door to the car waiting for us.

"Cullen, you might want to close your mouth before a fly lands in there." He said as he climbed in, I followed suit as I tossed my bag at the driver and slid into the back seat.

"Don't say anything just know I did it cause I care so much about her, someone just needed to point her back in the right direction, I know she was worried that she had lost you for good and didn't want to see you happy with someone else, she told me that even though she was the one to walk away and break her own heart seeing you with someone else would shatter her, that's why she has stayed away for so long, she's followed your career though but don't let her know that I told you that."

I didn't know what to say, I really didn't have any words to describe what was going through my head. "She shattered me when she left Jasper, does she realize that."

"Yes." He said and left it at that.

"But." He turned towards me stopping what I was going to say, I could tell he was holding back tears.

"Look It's Bella's story to tell not mine and with everything she is going through right now she deserve to tell It but I will tell you this, she was and still is a very scared insecure woman, and even though she has made a name for herself with her photography she just never felt like she fit with you it didn't make any sense to her why you loved her."

I closed my eyes and shook my head, I ran my hands through my hair in frustration. "After all the times I told her I loved her she still doubted it."

"Pretty much." He said and then got out of the car.

I slipped out the other side of the car and met him on the curb, he paid the driver and we walked into the hotel lobby. I followed behind silently as he pushed the button for the elevator and got in behind him.

"Whatever Alice tells you promise me you won't do anything stupid." Jasper said as the elevator doors opened to the floor he was staying on he didn't look back as he left the elevator and headed down the hall.

I stood there for a few minutes watching him walk towards the door, the last time I was in that room I passed out drunk on the floor. Alice popped her head out the door and came running towards me. I caught her as she leapt into my arms sobbing.

"Oh God Edward….. Charlie…he…he.." she sobbed and buried her head into my chest. I carried her into the room, my mom, my dad, and jasper all looked at me with red rimmed eyes. I sat my little sister on the couch and brought her into my lap. By the looks on their faces I knew I needed to sit down for this news.

"Just tell me please you all are killing me slowly here." I said as I looked at them begging to just get it over with already knowing what they were going to tell me. My father came down and sat beside me and a sobbing Alice.

"Son Charlie didn't make it."

My heart stopped beating.

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A/N: so what did you think? next chapter will post Monday


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: so yeah I finally got around to posting this, wish RL would go away so I could just write all day but alas I'm not that lucky**

**once again Ethel and Lucy you know who you are this is for you**

**Oh and I don't own twi or its characters if I did I would be a rich lady**

**so without further ado let's get to Bella's POV**

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BPOV

I felt the world go black as the nurse uttered the words I thought I would never hear again. My eyelids opened and closed to the bright light shining in the room. I looked around the room and noticed Rose talking to a doctor on the other side of the room.

I sat up and the room started to spin. "Bella boo take it easy." I felt strong arms push me back down on the surface I was laying on.

I looked over to the door where Rosalie was standing her eyes looked sad as she turned her head towards me.

"Charlie….My dad…. How is my dad?" I asked. Rose's eyes filled with tears. And I lost it.

I vaguely remember the nurse saying something about him not making it earlier. "No… no you are wrong he can't he can't be gone, not my dad no." I sobbed. I felt Emmett pull me into his lap.

"Shhhh Bella, I've got you." I heard his deep voice say into my ear, it wasn't the voice I really wanted and needed right now, but he would have to do.

I tucked my face into his shirt and cried.

"Isabella Swan." I heard a deep voice ask as a chair scraped across the hospital floor.

I didn't want to lift my face away from Emmett's chest. "Yes, but call me Bella please." I whispered as more tears streamed down my face and fell onto Emmett's shirt.

"I'm Doctor Chase, I worked on your father when they brought him in, and I'm so sorry that we couldn't do more for him." I lifted my face off Emmett's chest to get a look at the man that just told me my father was no longer alive.

He was dark skinned and seemed young, I wanted to blame my father's passing on his age and lack of experience.

"I can see you questioning my experience, I can tell you Bella that I may look young but I have plenty of experience with trauma, I served 4 years in the army as a doctor, trust me gunshot wounds and car accidents are nothing in comparison to what a roadside bomb can do to a person, and if I had my way I would have saved your father but he had a DNR our hands were tied." He placed his hand on my knee trying to comfort me, I slapped it away not wanting his touch.

"What's a DNR?" I asked.

"A do not resuscitate order written in his medical file."

I wanted to stand up and scream, yell, do something but sit here and listen to the doctor tell me that they didn't do anything to save him because that's what my father wanted.

" Look I'm sure you want to hate me right now, but I really did try everything, when your father flat lined on the table and we had to stand there after hours into the operation and see our hard work failing to keep him alive crushed me, I literally felt drained you don't even have the first clue to…."

"No you don't even have the first clue, I lost my father and here you sit and try and tell me that you guys just stood there and did nothing as his heart stopped beating." I threw off Emmett's arms and ran out the door.

I got halfway down the hall before I felt Emmett's strong arms grab me stopping me from running out of the hospital and away from the nightmare that was now my life. "No don't touch me… I don't want you to touch me…. Let me go…..please just make it go away….." I pleaded as I lay punch after punch into his chest.

I felt him scoop me up into his arms. "Come on sweetie let's get you back to the hotel, maybe a warm bath and in bed."

"we did try and shock his heart it." I put my hand up to stop him not really needing to hear anymore

"His body is down in the morgue if you want to go take a look." The doctor said.

I felt my body wrack with the sobs that were pouring out of me.

"I think she's had enough for one day, my girlfriend has all the information and we will have Bella ready to meet with the funeral director tomorrow you can go ahead and release the body to the funeral home." Emmett whispered and turned and walked out the lobby doors.

I opened my eyes to a room bathed in light, I sat up on the soft bed and took note of the dust motes dancing on their way down to the ground, my body ached and my head was pounding. I reached over to the bedside table to see if there was a clock, there was a glass of water and some pills sitting there with a note. I flipped open the notecard and read the message.

**_Take these my love, please to help you feel better._**

I threw the card across the room, no he can't be here, if he was here than….. No it wasn't a dream, my father was gone… dead…" I curled up in a ball and sobbed.

I felt a soft hand brushing the matted hair away from my face, I closed my eyes tightly. My nose was assaulted with the smells of fresh lemon grass tea as it was placed close by. "Hey sweetie you need to wake up I have some tea for you." Rose's sweet voice whispered in my ear.

I opened my eyes to see Roses caring face leaning over me. "He's gone he's really gone."

" Yes sweetie and I'm so sorry, there are no words to even express how I'm feeling right now, how I'm feeling about you hurting Bella, I just, I don't even know what it's like to lose a parent and here you have lost both yours, I…"

"Rose don't please, I can't think about this right now, I want to go to sleep and wake up and it all be some kind of dream." I said as I rolled away from her holding my center.

"I know Bella, but it's not sweetie it's not." I felt the bed dip as she climbed in behind me wrapping her arms around me as we both lay there crying.

"Edward is….is he here." I asked through my sobs.

"No sweetie he's still in London."

"But…But the note."

"It's Emmett's handwriting but Edward's doing he knew you would have a headache he feels so helpless right now he didn't know what to do to help, he said it was his only way to comfort you."

"Is… is he coming here." I asked.

"Do you want him to?"

"Would it be selfish of me to say yes?"

"Not at all, but."

"Yeah I would hate myself if he once again walked away from his dreams."

"Hey I get it Bella I really do but that man would be on the first flight out of there if you asked him, he never stopped loving you Bella."

"I don't deserve him." I sniffed and wiped my snot covered nose on the satin sheets.

We both lay there in silence. "What am I going to do Rose?"

"We will figure it out as we go sweetie, one step at a time, I did take a phone call this morning from a Mr. Jenks."

"That's my father's attorney." I was still curled up laying on my side, facing away from Rose, I rolled over to look at her, she was the epitome of the word beautiful, rose could put super models to shame, I was pretty sure I looked like a hobo lying next to her.

"I'm sure I look like hell right now."

"Well you are going through hell right now Bella its understandable,l I could take a picture and send it to Edward if you want he did say he needed to see your face." She said as she pulled out her phone.

"If you value your life you will put that phone away right now, the last thing he needs is to see how hideous I am and come running to save me."

" Well you definitely need a little help on the hair front that's for sure, and trust me the way you are looking right now I highly doubt Edward would be jumping on a plane to come see you, not to mention the smell." She plugged her nose.

I punched her arm. " shut up am I really that bad." I sniffed under my arms.

She giggled. "You know I love you right."

I nodded.

"Promise me you won't get mad."

"What did you do Rose."

She looked down at the comforter covering the bed and started picking at fake lint.

"ImighthavesentEdwardapictureofyoubeforeyouwokeupa ndputthecaptionsheneedsyourightnow."

"What was that, you were mumbling."

"I sent Edward a picture of you curled up in this bed and told him to come and comfort you."

"Rose you can't be that stupid right."

"Wait don't answer that you're dating Emmett so yeah you are that stupid."

"Hey I resent that." Emmett's booing voice rang out from the doorway. "Come on Bellboobooboobooboo." He jumped on the bed and rolled onto the other side of me.

"Look it's a Bella sandwich." Emmett yelled in my ear causing my head to start pounding again. He wrapped his arms around me "Bella's the bologna and we are the bread he yelled again."

"Emmett knock it off you big oaf."

"Oh come on Rosie you like it when I pig in the blanket you."

"Oh God please I don't want to hear about your sex life." I covered my ears and got out of the bed. "I need a shower."

I walked into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror, I looked like hell hath warmed over or I was hung over, my hair was a ratted mess there were black circles around my eye from the mascara running when I was crying my eyes were blood shot.

"Oh Bella we forgot to tell you Edward won two more gold medals." Rose's voice carried through the wooden door of the hotel bathroom.

I wanted to smile, I wanted to be happy for Edward I really did but my heart hurt too damn much. I started the water turning it to the hottest setting, I stripped my clothes off and stepped into the shower letting the hot water cascade down and over my body, the hot streams of water relaxed the tense muscles in my neck and back.

I closed my eyes as I felt my body relax further, my father's face flashed across my closed eyes I slid down the tile wall of the shower and hugged my legs as the warm water pelted me from above. I don't know how long I was sitting there but I felt the water turn off and a towel being wrapped around me.

"You're shivering Bella, come on we need to get you off the cold tile floor." Emmett's voice scared me and I flinched away from him.

"Get out…. Please I'm naked." I yelled, why was he in here?

"Rose went to get some bagels, and you were taking a long time I promised my brother I would take care of you and that's what I'm doing."

"By seeing my naked body, said brother is going to kick your ass."

He chuckled. "There's my Bella Boo, and I didn't see anything you were in a tight ball I just handed you the towel, plus once you have seen a pair of boobs you've see them all."

"You're sick you know that, now turn around so I can wrap the towel around myself."

"There's a mirror you know."

"Yes Emmett but it's all fogged up." I shook my head and wrapped the fluffy white towel around my body.

"Can you get my suitcase for me please, and then leave me be so I can get dressed."

I grabbed the other towel from the rack and began to make a turban on the top of my head

"Why do girls do that?" Emmett asked.

"What wrap a towel on their head?" I finished wrapping it and flipped my head up.

"Yes."

"Because Dumbo it stops our hair from dripping down our backs while we get dressed."

He laughed. "Oh how I've missed you Bella, Dumbo I haven't heard that one yet."

"I'm surprised Emmett, sometimes I really wonder how many concussions you really have received." I patted his head and walked over to my suitcase that Emmett dragged in. "Okay you can leave now shoo."

"Are you sure you going to be okay." He hesitated.

"Emmett no am not going to be okay, but I think I can manage to get myself dressed." I pulled out a pair of jeans and my black silk polka dot blouse, fitting for a day at a funeral home.

"Okay I'll leave you to it, but if you're not out here in five minutes I'm coming back in, and I'm really sorry about earlier, I… I just… it would kill my brother if anything ever happened to you." With tears in his eyes he left the bathroom.

I stood there until he shut the door and then collapsed down onto the bench opposite the vanity, I know I was feeling selfish but I really wanted Edward here, I needed him.

I slipped on my panties and bra, then finished getting dressed. I took the towel off my head and ran my brush through it getting all the tangles out. I really wasn't in the mood for makeup today, I grabbed my stuff and placed it back in my bag, and I zipped it up and rolled it out of the bathroom. Emmett was pacing by the bed.

"That was only six minutes Emmett good grief."

"What?" he stopped pacing and turned towards me the look on his face told me that he was pacing cause of me.

"Is everything okay?" I asked as I placed my suitcase by the door.

"No I'm worried about Rose, she's been gone too long."

"Knowing Rose she probably saw a clothing store and just had to stop in and buy something." I grabbed my silver flip flops and sat down on the bed slipping them on.

"You're probably right it's just she's been gone for forty five minutes and the bagel and coffee shop was across the street."

"Did you call her?"

"I did but her phone just keeps going to voice mail."

The door opened and Rose came through it looking frazzled.

"Thank God." I heard Emmett sigh. "Rosie baby what's wrong." He said as he grabbed her face. I could tell she was pissed, I'd seen that face many times before shit was about to hit the fan.

When she didn't answer him he took the coffee out of her shaking hands and placed it on the table, he then scooped her up into his arms and sat down on the sofa. "Come on baby what's wrong talk to me."

She sat there for a few minutes not saying anything, then her face turned red like she was going to blow. "Those asshole parasites, I want to fucking kill them."

Her fists were balled up. Yep I knew it someone tried to hit on her. And who could blame them poor men I mean Rose had the body of a super model and I mean she kind of brings it on herself with her choice in clothes, currently she is wearing a mint green silk shirt that is long enough to be a mini skirt, she has it belted with a nude belt and is wearing a pair of nude fuck me heels, now don't get me wrong a man should never and I mean never view a woman's outfit as an open invitation to be a fucking douchebag but still.

"What are you talking about?" Emmett said oblivious to the inner workings of Rose's mind, I could see by the looks that were crossing her face she was contemplating going back and cutting their balls off whoever they were. If I were Emmett I would be treading carefully with what I say.

I chuckled from the chair I had occupied. "Emmett really how many concussions have you received be honest." I asked raising my eyebrows and waiting for his answer.

"Two." He answered.

I laughed at his attempt at lying. "I call bullshit, and FYI your Rosie baby got hit on." I shook my head when his eyes bugged out of his head.

"Well can you blame the dude, I mean look at her." He was an idiot and if I was a betting girl I would put my money on his balls getting busted in 3…2…

I laughed when he grabbed his junk and rolled off the couch, does it really hurt as bad as guys seem to make it when they get hit in the balls, his face turning white answered my question I kind of felt sorry for him, kind of.

"Rose why, oh god think I'm going to throw up." He rolled around some more, Rose rolled her eyes.

She was standing over his rolling body one hand on her hip, and tapping her fuck me heel. I sat there giggling. "Yeah well next time you need to think before you speak, you should be pissed another man was looking at me." She flopped back down on the couch.

"I was just pointing out how sexy you are no need to make it so I can't ever impregnate you, you did say you wanted to have kids, now…" he sobbed. " I don't think the boys will ever function again."

"Oh quit your whining, I didn't hit you that hard."

I laughed this was the best form of comedy and a much need distraction from my life watching these two go at it.

"I wasn't really hit on." She quietly said as she picked at her perfect manicure fingernails.

"What, you hit me in the balls for nothing." He said still rolling on the floor.

"No I hit you in your junk because you were being a douchebag asshole I love that you think I'm sexy but do you not remember how we met."

"I'll never forget you were hot so fucking hot standing there being all pissed off at me I don't think I have ever got a boner so fast in my life." He climbed into Roses lap and started making out with her.

"TMI Emmett TMI." I got up from my chair and headed into the other room far far away from the two horny lovebirds.

If Rose wasn't hit on why was she so pissed off when she came through the door? My phone chirped alerting me that I had a text. I pulled it from my back pocket, it was from Jasper.

B call me ASAP don't leave your hotel till you do J

I dialed his number and waited for him to pick up.

"Bella."

He sounded desperate, I really hope nothing happened to Edward I couldn't take any more shit in my life

"Yes Jasper."

"I'm sorry Bella, but…" he paused.

"Please don't tell me it's Edward please." I begged.

"No Bella he's fine, he's racing in a few minutes." My body relaxed.

"Why did you sound so desperate then?"

"Because little one, they found you again and this time it's not pretty."

I was confused. "What I don't understand what you are talking about."

"Just get your laptop darling and go on Pop sugar, I don't want you doing this trust me but its better if you know."

Jasper telling me to go check out a tab site could only mean one thing and one thing only the paparazzi had caught up to me. With shaky hands I pulled my laptop out of my bag and set it on the bed. Rose and Emmett came in.

"My brother called." Rose said as more as a statement than a question. I put the phone on speaker and placed it on the bed as I knelt down on my knees waiting for it to boot up, I typed Pop sugar into the toolbar and waited for the webpage to load.

Rose came and kneeled down next to me as the home page came on the screen, my eyes filled with tears as I read the caption. I got up and ran to the bathroom slamming the door behind me and sliding down onto the hard tile floor, I sobbed why were so many people hell bent on ruining me why. I closed my eyes and let the darkness of the bathroom consume me.

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A/N:** eek wonder what was written on the tab website**

**hope you enjoyed it**


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: so yeah RL has been really crazy the last few weeks, but being home stuck in bed I got this written out hopefully being drugged up on ibuprofen didn't affect it too much.

Once again this goes out to my two lovely ladies Ethel and Lucy

And like always SM owns it all I'm just playing with them in my head

Enjoy

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EPOV

I couldn't believe what they were telling me, he really couldn't be gone could he, no not Charlie. I looked at my mother's face it was full of pain for someone they really didn't know, hell I really didn't know him that well either, even though we did spend one night drinking in a bar and said drinking led me to punch him in the face which led me to being in handcuffs and thrown into the back of a rental car fortunate for me Charlie was too drunk to even drive and we had to call my parents, we bonded that night but I always knew he knew where Bella was he was a cop for Christ sakes.

Tears poured down my face. I felt like I was just punched in the gut. "Bella?" I asked.

"Rose and Emm are with her right now, they will be driving up to forks in the morning." Alice said as she came and sat down beside me wrapping her small little arms around me. "Jasper and I are leaving in a few hours we will meet up with them in Forks."

"I need to go…..she needs me there too." I said.

"No you need to stay here." Jasper said from across the room.

"Who the fuck are you to tell me what I need to do, Bella is surely hurting and needs me." I got up from the couch I was sitting in and crossed the room, I had jasper pinned to the floor, and he didn't have any time to react. My sister's screeches stopped me from bashing his face with my fist.

"He's right Edward you need to stay here, last time you left your dream for Bella look what happened, we lost Bella and we nearly lost you, I won't stand by and let you hurt your mother again like that."

"You don't know what you are asking me to do dad." I said as I stood up off Jasper, brushing off my jeans.

"I'm not asking you son I'm telling you, do it for you and Bella, you both need time to heal not only from the recent news but from the hurt she caused you."

I sunk back down on the couch, and ran my hands through my hair, my nervous tick that my mother claims I had in the womb. "I don't want her to be going through this alone." I whispered.

"She won't that's why Jasper and I are going, I'll take care of her Edward." Alice said as she came and kneeled down in front of me.

"Alice." I sobbed.

"Shh.. I know… I know, there is still so much hurt, you still are hurting Edward, you need to figure out what you want, I… no we all know what would happen if you go to her right now."

"She will resent me if I don't go back Alice."

"And she will resent you if you do go, she doesn't want you to give up your life for her."

"But."

" It's stupid Edward I know, I probably will never understand her reasoning for breaking your heart, and as much as I want to hate her for that I can't Edward she brought a light into your life, I saw you smile, laugh, and just be free with her, I want that part of you back." She grabbed my hands and pulled me down into her arms. We both sat on the floor sobbing.

"God I love her, I never stopped loving her Alice, why…..why did I walk away from her…why did I leave that hotel room Alice…"

"Because you didn't want to hurt her by saying something you might regret, it would kill you to hurt her like that."

"I know….Charlie Alice he's gone she has nobody now, no family she needs a family." I sobbed harder.

"And we will give her a family Edward, we will, she has Rose and Jasper too." My mom wrapped her arms around me and Alice and joined in our sobbing.

"Edward, I promise we will take care of her, she's my best friend Edward and I care about her, I'll be honest here, she and Charlie were just rebuilding their relationship it was still strained, he was always pushing her to call you most of their phone calls ended up with her hanging up on him. They would then go weeks without talking to each other. So this is going to kill her Edward she's going to blame herself and if you show up forgoing your dream of sweeping the gold she's just going to fade away and I will do anything in my power to make sure that does not happen." Jasper said from where he was standing against the doorframe.

I just nodded. "When do you leave?" I asked Alice.

"In a few hours." She said as she wiped the reaming tears from my face.

"Can you take something to Bella for me actually it's for Charlie, I made him a promise and I want to make good on it."

She nodded. I went to my gym bag and pulled out the first gold medal I had won days ago, I stood holding it for few minutes remembering how euphoric I felt as I hit the wall with my fingertips knowing I had finally accomplished a dream of mine since I was a small little boy, I closed my eyes and sighed. I walked back to where Alice was now standing.

"I want Charlie to have it." I slid the gold medal into her left hand.

She gasped. "Edward."

"I promised I would win one for him… I want him to have it Alice."

"Edward." My mother hugged me tightly as I stepped back from Alice, I grabbed my bag and walked to the front door of my parents rented home.

I stopped at the front door "Take care of her please." I said as I stepped out into the dark London night.

* * *

The alarm buzzing in my ears woke me out of a fog, I don't even remember crawling into bed last night.

I turned off the alarm on my phone and noticed I had five missed calls and six text messages all from my sister, I sat up and groaned, my head was pounding. I felt like was it was pulsating like some Alien force was trying to make its way out of my brain.

Ugh. Luckily I was alone in the room, my last two races were later tonight since I slept three. I grabbed my phone off the bedside table and laid back down on the bed, I decided to start with the text messages, my head couldn't take Alice's high pitch voice right now.

I opened my messages and scrolled down to the first one she sent.

Hey brother of mine just wanted to let you know that we are about to board, I'll take care of her I promise, and I have the medal in my carry on, but just so you know I almost was frisked, padded down and handcuffed until they looked at my passport and I explained that you gave it to me. A

She ended it with emoticon of a smiley face with its tongue out.

I moved onto the next one.

We have just landed in NY, Jasper talked to Emmett, Bella is just barely hanging on Edward she broke down in the hospital and Emmett had to carry her out, he's taking good care of her for you. Our plane takes off in an hour, I'll text you again when we land in Seattle. Love you bro go kick some ass in the pool. A

My heart lurched in my chest of course she was hurting, but it physically hurt me to know that she was in pain. I scrolled to the next one.

Edward we are about to board I tried calling but you didn't answer the phone.. it's bad again Edward the press found out and there are pics and everything, I will do everything in my power to protect her from those scum bags Edward, I got to go they are ready to take off, just don't do anything rash please promise me. A

I pressed my voice mail and listened to her last message.

Edward, the press found out about Charlie's death and showed up at Bella's hotel, it's not good Edward, promise me you won't click on the web today please, I told you about it because I know they will hound you when word gets around and I wanted you to be prepared.

I stopped the message and clicked on my google app, I know I would be suffering the wrath of the pixie if she ever found out but I needed to know what they were saying.

I typed in Charlie Swan death to see if that would take me anywhere, the first link that popped up was Ok magazine the headline read. In the wake of her father's death Isabella Swan finds comfort in the arms of her ex's brother's arms. Then in small print it said could that have been the reason she left was it to the arms of his big brother in Texas.

I saw red and threw my phone across the room, then ran and picked it up I needed to call my brother and check on Bella. I dialed his number and waited for him to answer.

"Yo Bro what's up." His boisterous voice came over the phone.

"How's Bella." I asked, I raked my fingers through my hair waiting on his answer.

"She's asleep in the back seat, we are on our way to Forks."

"How is she doing with the bullshit the tabs are saying?" I got up off the bed and headed into the bathroom.

"Are you seriously pissing while talking to me on the phone bro.?"

"Yeah shoot me I'm killing two birds with one stone." I said as I braced the phone with my shoulder as I shook my dick.

"Dude she's not doing great she's got enough on her plate with the death of Charlie but this just pushed her over the edge bro."

"Fucking shit, Emmett."

"I got it bro, I won't let anything happen to her I promise."

"I know you won't let anything happen to her Emmett but Bella she's… god I can't lose her again Emmett."

"How can you lose her when you don't have her yet…Ouch Rosie baby what was that for?"

"Thanks numb nut I know that, it's just I don't want to lose her before I even get a chance to get her back in my life okay."

"slow your roll I was just teasing, hey look she's stirring in the back seat, she will freak if she knows I'm talking to you while she is present so I got to go bro, look just don't let the tabs get to you okay, I was just carrying her out of the hospital some douche took a pic with their cell phone and sold it to the tabs I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, what did your girlfriend say." I chuckled.

"Dude Rosie is cool, right babe." I heard them kissing.

"Gag me, look I'll let you go I need to get to the aquatic center anyway, just take care of her. Alice and Jasper are on their way to help out, just don't let her be alone."

"On it Bro."

I hung up the phone and grabbed my track suit and bag and headed out to the aquatic center, my last two races were tonight and then after I knew I had the gauntlet of TV appearances to make and there was no way I would be making it back in time for Charlie's funeral and that fucking broke my heart into a million tiny little pieces.

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A/N: so what did you think? oh no the media is going to have a field day what will Bella end up doing.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: so here is the next Chapter BPOV of course. I have had a few days off cause of Surgery and so there will be a few postings the next few days so look for those. I go back to work next week and so posting will once gain slow down.**

**Thank you all for Fav, following and reviewing it makes me happy getting the email alerts, and knowing people are reading this little story of mine**

**once again this is for my gals Ethel and Lucy you both know who you are**

**And Stephenie owns it all**

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**BPOV**

I couldn't believe what I was seeing on the screen, why…why did my life suck so much? What did I ever do to deserve this much shit? Dating Edward Cullen National swimming champ, Olympian and now Olympic Gold medalist for one, my inner mind yelled out. I threw my hands up in the air and screamed.

I might regret going to that party, and I also regret walking away but I will never regret sitting on that grassy spot all those years ago, and falling madly and deeply in love with that beautiful man standing over me staring at me with those intense green eyes of his asking me to give him back his football he had just purposely hit me with. That day was one of the best days of my life and I threw it all away when I couldn't get over my insecurities.

"Fucking scumbag whores." I said as I stomped my left foot on plush beige carpet of the hotel room.

Emmett's chuckle from the doorway made me look up. "Bella boo never heard you curse so much."

"Shut up you know they are big ass douchebags." I said as I plopped down on the bed and blew the hair out of my face.

Emmett came over and wrapped his big burly arms around my shoulders and gave me one of his signature bear hugs, I missed his big brother caring ass when I choose to walk out on everyone. when Edward was being his brooding self after losing a race and he shut everyone out including me locking himself up in his apartment if Emmett was around I would find myself perched up on a barstool in the Cullen kitchen with Emmett making me his signature strawberry banana smoothie and just shooting the breeze, sometimes he would turn on music and we would dance around the kitchen until he hugged me, slapped my ass and told me to go knock on Edwards door. Edward would eventually let me in and we would end up fucking against the door the minute he closed it behind me and then we would fall into his bed to sleep the night away in each other's arms.

"Why you blushing there Bella Boo." Emmett said as he pointed to my face and smiling with his big dimples. "You thinking of all the dirty things you and my brother did." He laughed as I slapped his chest and got off the bed.

I shouldn't be thinking these things my father just passed away, he left this earth and now I'm all alone. My eyes welled up with tears. And I sunk down to the floor, I pulled my legs up to my chest I wrapped my arms around them and sobbed.

"Shhhhh Bella boo." I felt Emmett scoop me up and sit back down on the bed.

"Emmett you big oaf you made her cry again." Rose said as I heard her fingers stroking the keys on her laptop.

"Rose stop looking at that crap please it just rots your brain." I said as I wiped the snot from my nose with the back of my hand.

"You sound like my brother… and for the record I wasn't looking at it I was booking my flight home... I have to leave tomorrow Bella."

What she can't leave that would mean that Emmett would go with her and I would be all alone. "You can't leave me, please I can't be alone, and I can't do this by myself." I whispered from where I ducked my head against Emmett's grey V neck t-shirt.

It was all wrong he smelled all wrong and I sobbed harder. I needed Edward.

"Do you really want him here? Cause I'll call him right now and have him on the first plane out of London if that's what you really want Bella." Emmett asked and as he lifted my face off his chest so he could look in my eyes.

Did I just say that out loud? "I want my father back Emmett can you make that happen please." Big ass crocodile tears fell down my face, I wiped them away before they ran off my face an onto Emmett's Tee.

" Oh sweet girl I wish I could snap my finger and this would all be a bad dream but I can't, he's now with the Angels and your mom Bella think about him being happy to finally be back with her." He said in his soft sweet voice as he rocked me back and forth on the hotel bed.

I sobbed harder. "They both left me, I'm alone I have nobody."

"You have all of us Bella we won't ever let you be alone." He wiped the tears from my face.

"He's right Bella we won't let you be alone. That's why Emmett is going with you to Forks, I'll be back for the funeral but I really need to go back home there are some issues with the ranch that Ma and Pa can't deal with without me there, I'm so sorry about everything Bella really I am."

"S'ok." I said as I buried my face further into Emmett's chest. Funeral… I didn't even want to think about that right now the last one I attended was my mothers and I should have been to my friend Angela's but no I had to be in a medical induced coma.

"Jasper and Alice are on their way, they will meet up with you and Emmett in Forks okay." I felt the bed dip as she came and sat down nest to us on the bed. "I don't know how we are going to get out of this hotel without the press being in our faces Bella, you ready to face them again." She asked as she brushed the hair off my face that was sticking to my forehead. "And it's going to get worse before it gets better Bella especially with me leaving but you are strong Bella don't let it bring you back down to that dark place you were at when you first got to our ranch Bella I don't want to see that scared girl again, do you hear me."

"No I don't want to be that girl again but... I'm really sorry for bringing you both into the tabs, that's the last thing I wanted for your family again Emmett." I tried climbing off his lap but his hold on me tightened.

"You didn't do anything Bella, people are always out there trying to bring others down, they don't care who gets hurt in the end, and they live sad pathetic lives Bella."

I closed my eyes as much as I wanted to believe every word he said the little nagging bitch in my head told me he was wrong and it was all my fault.

There was a knock on the door and Rose got up to go answer it. She walked back into the room with a big burly man with a crew cut, he was wearing the maroon hotel garb and other than the crew cut he was the spitting image of Emmett, all the way down to the dimples when he smiled.

I looked at Emmett he was glaring at the man standing in front of us, I held back from giggling.

"Bella, Emmett this is Dean he's going to help us, he said we can use his card key to get to the basement, he already called for a new rental car and its waiting for us, I'm coming with you to Forks and then leaving from Port Angeles tomorrow, Dean is going to go out to our old rental and try to get the pap's to follow him, we are hoping it works. Emmett he will need to borrow one of your baseball caps."

"Do you think this will really work?" I said meekly, from Emmett's lap.

"Miss Bella, I pray that for at least five min the think I'm him." He said pointing to Emmett. "Your father saved my little girl last year from drowning in the creek when she got swept away at a family BBQ's at the Clearwater's, your father jumped in after her and pulled her out, it would be my honor to do something in return.

My heart soared and ached at the same time. "You know the clearwaters?" I asked, Harry and Sue were one of my dad's closet's friends besides Billy Black.

"Sue is my wife's Aunt, we were there for Harry's 50th birthday, your dad jumped right into action the kids were playing on the creek bed and she slipped in, the water was raging from the run off, your father Charlie he didn't even hesitate when he jumped in and swam to where she was floating down the creek. Her mother and I were never great swimmers, no matter how many times I thanked him that day I had no clue how to repay him, this is the closest thing I will ever be able to do now."

Tears ran down my cheeks. "Sounds just like Charlie." I said.

"Your father was a great man." Dean said.

I just nodded. "Okay so how do we do this?"

"I'll take your luggage down to the basement, we don't allow press into the hotel and the doormen are having a hay day trying to keep them at bay right now and we think one might have slipped by us but we can't be for certain."

"This isn't going to work." I sad as another knock came on the door, I stiffened.

Rose went to answer it and came back with a brunette.

"Chloe what are you doing up here."

"There was man in the bar asking for her." She pointed at me and my heart started racing. Emmett held me even tighter.

"Relax I didn't tell him anything I slipped in the back when he answered a call on his phone and came right up here, look I want to help get you out of here, I heard some of the staff talking about Dean helping you guys."

"Sorry, I had to have some help." Dean said and shrugged his shoulders.

"Look his plan is flawed and it won't work, I know how those scum work, I wouldn't be surprised if there was already someone in the underground parking as we speak." She crossed the room and grabbed the chair at the desk flipping it around and sitting on it backwards. "So this is what we are going to do, you and he." She pointed at Rose and Emmett. "Are going to go and get in the car in the underground parking, hand in hand, Dean and I will go out the front door, of course both in baseball caps and glasses, and you." She pointed at me will be meeting up with Nate in the alley way outside the restaurant next door."

Dean smiled a big smile. "Why didn't I think of this?"

"Cause you're a man." She said as she picked at her black nails. Rose and I giggled.

"Do I even want to know how you know about the secret passage way between the hotel and restaurant?"

"Probably not."

"Well okay than, this is a better plan than mine."

"Nate has his bike parked back there and waiting, Bella once I put you through the door to the passage I need you to run as fast as you can till you see light its dark in there not much light okay." I nodded. "Go through the door and hang a right it will take you to the restaurant kitchen its closed right now and nobody is there. Here is the key to get in." she handed me the small brass key and I slipped it into my pocket.

Like I said Nate is waiting in the alley, most people don't even know about this alley because of the gate. He has is bike, the helmet will cover your face nobody will even know it's you." I just nodded again. My head was spinning with all the information she was throwing my way.

"Emmett I need you to drive to the drip coffee shop, here is the address." She handed Emmett a piece of paper, Nate will meet you there with Bella back by the alley."

What was with all these Alley's "Guys I'm not worth all this work, they are just going to come to Forks it doesn't really matter." I said as I climbed off Emmett's lap.

"You're right they are but we are just trying to spare you some time, I'm pretty sure your head is spinning right now and the last thing you need is a punk ass scumbag pap in your face." Chloe said from her perch on the chair.

"Okay, thank you." I said quietly.

Rose walked both to the door, they promised they would be back in ten minutes. They both needed to change.

When the knock came on the door I jumped. Dean and Chloe came back in the room fully changed, Chloe had on a hoodie and a baseball cap, and she was sporting some step ford wife sunglasses. My mind was beginning to think this could really work, but for how long, when I was in the hospital last time I missed the brunt of having the pap's in my face, since I moved to Utah I run into a few here and there during the Sundance film festival but the majority of them don't recognize me and they are there for the celebs anyway, when said celebs come in my gallery they hang around outside waiting on them to come back out.

I gave hugs to Emmett and Rose. "Don't get lost." I said to Emmett as he released me.

"I won't Bella boo."

We went our separate ways, Chloe took me down the staff elevator and through a secret doorway by the laundry room. "Bella I want you to wait five minutes then go through that door." She pointed to the big ominous black door in front of us. "Once through run and don't stop till you see Nate okay."

"Okay." I said and nodded my head.

"Good Luck." She said as she backed out of the room and disappeared.

My heart started racing as I watched the minutes tick by. My five minutes were up and I pulled the door open, the hallway was dark and scary, my heart lurched, I could be running to my death.

Something told me to go and so I took off running down the dark, creepy hallway I couldn't see anything in front of me and my heart was pounding, I looked ahead of me and could see some light ahead. My legs felt heavy, and it was like I was in one of those dreams where you keep running but never feel like you are moving, the light wasn't getting closer and I felt the sweat from my running and the heat of the hallway run down my back.

Finally the light got closer and closer and then I was pushing my way into the kitchen of the adjoining restaurant. I slipped out the door to the alley and bent over gasping for air.

"You must be Bella." I heard a deep voice say and my head snapped up.

By the gate to the alley was a tall muscular man standing next to a bullet bike, he was wearing a black T-shirt and was sporting a tattoo on his right bicep.

"Yeah that's me." I said trying to catch my breath.

He tossed me the helmet. " put that on and climb on, the pap's are trailing Chloe and Dean, the one pap that was in the garage didn't have a car so Emmett left him I the dust, we need to hurry though before he calls back up and gives the info of the car to them.

I slipped on the helmet and walked over to the bike climbing on and scooting to the back of the seat.

"Hope bikes don't scare you because I like to ride fast." He said as he climbed on sans helmet.

"I have a Ducati myself so no, you are fine let's go." I said as the bike hummed beneath me.

He pushed a button on a remote he had on his key chain and then we peeled out of the alley way. He drove fast through the streets of Seattle and before I knew it we were pulling into the alley behind the drip coffee shop.

I hopped off the bike when he turned it off and pulled off my helmet.

"Thank you, for everything really." I said as I handed him back his helmet.

"Anytime." He said as a sleek black car pulled up in front of the alley blocking the only exit, my heart jumped out of my chest until the door opened and Rose motioned for me to get in.

I ran and jumped in the back of the car, waving to Nate as I closed the door and Emmett took off. I slipped down onto the seat, I was exhausted and I closed my eyes as he pulled out onto the street and made his way out of Seattle.

Somewhere between Seattle and Port Angeles I swear I heard Emmett talking to Edward, but my eyes were so heavy I fell back into a dreamless sleep.

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A/N: Phew I'm tired just writing that, poor Bella having to run, I myself have had a few dreams where I'm just running in place where someone is chasing me they suck and I always wake up sweating, what about you have you ever had those kind of dreams?

Hope you enjoyed that chapter, next up Edward's last two races and maybe a steamy flash back or two.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: wow thank you all for all the follows, favorites and reviews it sure brought a smile to my face every time my phone dinged yesterday**

**I know I told a few I was going to post last night well when I went to post my wifi had gone down in my house, then a very good friend called and we spent the rest of the night talking so I am just getting to posting this sorry, if it's any consolation I have half of the next chapter written and might get it done before midnight.**

**once again this goes out to my two besties Ethel and Lucy, that's not their real names but they know who they are**

**hope you enjoy **

**oh and the flash back will be in italics**

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EPOV

Just a short ride and I was walking through the doors of the aquatic center. I could already smell the chlorine as I stepped around the wall towards the locker room. my USA duffel bag across my chest dug into my shoulder as I walked past the white tiles wall and into the . I slipped it over my head and set it down on the blonde wood bench. I stripped off my track pants leaving on my jacket, I grabbed my black jammers out of the duffel bag and slipped the tight Lycra material up over my thighs and pulled them up over my ass the elastic made a snapping noise as it hit my stomach.

I know girls drool over the tight swim trunks, I know they sit and giggle and gawk and whisper about our packages with their close friends, I know the inner workings of women's minds when I comes to swimmers but I could really care less what they thoguth, my shorts are tight for a reason ladies, they help me propel through the water that is all. Although there is one very beautiful woman who would always blush when I caught her looking at my very prominent package in my jammers.

I smile as the memory infiltrates my mind.

_I had just swam the best race of my life, guaranteeing my place on the Olympic team, reporters were standing in the locker rooms interviewing the other swimmers, I stood by still in my wet jammers knowing they would no doubt want an interview with me, the only thing I wanted at that moment was the love of my life. Just days before my race she got word she would be going to NY to audition for Julliard, her biggest dream come true and now I was going to be able to fulfill mine._

_The big black interviewer talking to Kirk spotted me sitting on the bench and made his way over to me, he had his little recorder in his hand. "Edward Cullen." He said as he held his hand out for me to shake. I dropped my shammie on the bench "Yes." I said as I shook his hand._

_"I'm Bruce Reid, from swimmers digest, is it okay if I ask you a few questions?" he asked as he pushed the play button on his recorder._

_"Sure shoot." I said as I stepped back to give us some space._

_"First I wanted to know how you are feeling right now."_

_Of course the typical how do you feel question. "I'm feeling kind of euphoric right now to be honest."_

_"I understand it's got to be an amazing feeling to finally have your hard work pay off."_

_"Yes that it does Bruce."_

_"Okay besides how you feel, what does it mean to you to going to the Beijing games?" He said as he held out the recorder waiting on an answer._

_"It's my wildest dreams come true to be honest, when I started swimming at the young age of seven I knew the pool was my second home, luckily I have a very supportive family who always encouraged me to do what made me happy, my mother always said Edward you can a be anything you want as long as you put your heart and mind to it and I will be your biggest cheerleader." I said as I smiled remembering her standing in the kitchen after my first swim meet one where I came in last place, she placed me up on the island and wiped away my tears. I had just told her I wanted to give up._

_"Do you have any regrets things you would like to have done differently?"_

_"No, I think I have done exactly what I set out to do,"_

_He nodded his head. "Do you have plans on finishing college after the games?"_

_"Yes I want to graduate, it's very important to my father that we get an education."_

_"What are you majoring in?"_

_"Sports medicine." I said, I knew exactly what he was thinking. "Yeah I know typical answer for an athlete right."_

_"Um no." he said but I could tell his face was saying something else._

_"I want to coach kids, maybe high school level, I want to be able to refine their craft and make them so much better, having the sports medicine degree helps me to understand an injury, I'm not going to be that coach that yells at them to get back up and try again when a rotator cuff is torn, or a quad muscle has been torn."_

_"I understand, so are you saying that you have had coaches like that."_

_"No I've seen it though, and sadly those few athletes can no longer swim, I want to be able to push them to be greater not ruin their careers."_

_"Well that's all I have for you, I'll let you go get changed." He said as he turned off the recorder and shook my hand._

_"Great meeting you Edward and good luck in Beijing." He said as he walked away. Interviewers were all weird but he was by far the strangest, I never like him and even though he ever asked anything persona you could see it in his eyes, he was always waging and internal debate,_

_I was inundated with a few more interviews then they all left the locker room. Some of the guys were already dressed and leaving as well. I sat down on the bench and grabbed my soap out of my bag, I needed to wash the chlorine off my body before I left, I knew mom and Dad would want to go out and celebrate tonight, I didn't want to have Bella smell the pool on me all night. Not that Bella smelling me was bad._

_I grabbed my towel and started heading for the showers, I heard the clicking of the locker room door and then silence ensued, I was the only one left in the locker room. I slipped my towel over the towel hook outside of the shower and I set my soap down on the white tile floor._

_I pealed my jammers from my body and flung them over my shoulder, I heard them land on the bench. I turned on the water, I waited till the water warmed up and then stepped under the spray shutting the curtain behind me._

_"Mmm I like these better when they are on you." My wet shorts were flung back over the curtain hitting me in the head._

_I flung open the curtain, and there perched on the bench was the love of my life, good she was sexy in her red polka dot blouse and white Bermuda shorts._

_Her eyes hungrily took in my wet naked form, she licked her lips, I swear she was always unaware of how beautiful and sexy she was especially when she blushed and bit her bottom lip. I decided to tease her a little bit._

_"Tell me my little vixen, who let you in here?" I said as I rub my hand that was full of body wash across my chest and over the swan tattoo."_

_She gulped and I suppressed a giggle. " Um Kirk did, your mother was wanting to know what was taking you so long they have reservations you or did you forget." She kept her eyes on my hand as it made its way over my pecks then down to my navel and then her eyes got big as a wrapped my hand around my cock. Her face turned a lovely shade of red as she watched my hand pump myself a few times._

_"Tell me kitten, you like watching me shower."_

_She nodded but didn't say anything else._

_"You like watching me make myself come don't you."_

_She didn't open her mouth but her eyes were telling me everything I needed to know, she was enjoying this more than she was letting on._

_"You want to join me in this warm wet shower? I love seeing your wet naked body it's glorious when the water trickles between your amazing tits Bella."_

_"Can't." she whispered. I knew she was barely hanging on by a thread._

_I just shrugged my shoulders. "Your loss." I dipped my head back in the stream of warm water and closed my eyes as I ran my hand once twice three times over my cock._

_Even through the stream of water ringing in my ears I could hear Bella suck in air. I opened my eyes and turned my head in her direction, my hands never leaving my cock I gave her my signature smirk and went back to jacking off. I watched as Bella's left hand had slipped into her shorts and as her fingers played with herself._

_"I knew you liked it my Angel." I said as I turned off the water and grabbed the towel from the hook. I walked to where she was sitting there, with one foot up on the bench. I stopped in front of her and ran the towel across my chest._

_She licked her lips again. "You want to dry me off."_

_"No." she said as her fingers played with her pussy._

_"No?" I said as I dried off my legs._

_"No I want you to fuck me here on this bench." She whispered._

_"What was that, think the water in my ears made it so I couldn't hear you." I teased._

_"You heard me, just fuck me now Edward." Her fingers were still down her shorts._

_"Your wish, my command." I said as I threw the towel on the tile floor. I grabbed her legs and pulled her to me. "As much as I love seeing you play with yourself, I want to be the one that makes you come." I whispered in her ear._

_I grabbed her fingers out of her shorts and sucked them into my mouth one by one, her moan as I wrapped my mouth around them sent the blood flowing to my cock. I unbuttoned her shorts and slipped them off her, her sexy sheer white lace panties followed suit, I set them on the bench._

_"This is going to be fast and hard, you okay with that baby?" I asked her as I raised her left leg up in the air._

_All she did was nod. I took that as a sign as I lined up my cock with her entrance and proceeded to fill her tight warm pussy with my cock. We both moaned when I had filled her completely._

_"God Edward it's good so so good." She said as I slowly pulled out and then thrust my hips pushing my cock back into her._

_"Fuck me baby." She said as I thrust back in again this time harder._

_"God Bella I've missed you." I said as her hips raised off the bench trying to meet my thrusts._

_"I've missed you too, so much." She said as I felt her walls clamp down around my cock. "I'm coming, I'm coming." She yelled out._

_I thrust as few more times and then I was coming. "Fuck Bella." I let her leg back down that I had been holding up._

_"Why is it every time we have sex it's the best ever, I thought the hood of your car was hot, but fuck damn this was even hotter." She said as she peppered my hairless chest with kisses._

_I laughed hearing her curse was making my cock tighten again. "I have to agree with you." I said as I kissed the top of her head. I slipped out of her warmth, both of us whining from the loss of contact. I grabbed the towel off the floor and handed it to her. I turned on the water in the shower and washed of the white sticky cum. Bella finished_ _cleaning up and stood to slip on her white panties._

_"I hope you know how sexy you are to me." I said as she slipped her shorts on and buttoned them up._

_"You just proved it, thank you." She said as she adjusted her shirt and fixed her hair in the mirror._

_"No thank you beautiful." I said as I kissed her neck, I walked back over to my duffel bag and grabbed my faded jeans I slipped them over my black boxers and I grabbed my grey V-neck t-shirt and slipped it over my head. I sat and put on my black adidas._

_"I'm hoping for a repeat performance of that someday." She said as she slipped her hand into mine and we walked out of the locker room hand in hand._

I closed my eyes and smiled, what I wouldn't give to have Bella here with me so that we could try and recreate that beautiful sexy moment. Sighing I sat back down on the bench, I retrieved my track pants from my bag and slipped them back on. I grabbed my head phones and headed into the holding room. I sat down by Kirk and slipped one of the buds in my ear.

"What took you so long Cullen, you get stuck jacking off in the bathroom." Kirk giggled.

I wish I thought as I punched him in the shoulder and stuck the other bud in my ear, the heavy metal of Motley crew rang out in my ear, and I shut myself off from the world and focused on winning these last two races.

As my fingers grazed the wall and I looked up to see where I placed I was overwhelmed with emotions, I did it I won gold on my last two races, I accomplished my goal. I slapped the water with my hands and ran my hand over the tattoo on my chest. I kissed my fist and punched it up in the air. My heart was pounding as I swam out of the pool. I looked up to where my parents were sitting. As much as I wished my brother and sister were here I was glad they had chosen to go comfort Bella.

Oh Bella my heart ached for her knowing that she was hurting and in pain from her loss. My beautiful angel had lost so much in such a short amount of time, I can't even imagine how it would feel to lose a parent but she had lost both. As I looked into my mother's shinning eyes my own filled with tears, not from joy but from sadness.

I was called over to speak with the American reporter.

"Edward so how does it feel to be finally done, eight gold medals won?"

I wiped at my eyes hoping it came off as just water and tried to catch my breath. "Amazing it feels amazing."

"Congrats to you, I bet your family is so proud."

"I'm sure they are."

"Are you staying for closing ceremonies." She asked as she winked.

I took another deep breath. "I don't know yet what I will be doing I have a few interviews left to give, guess we will see." I said as I looked out at the crowd as the cheered my name.

"Well thanks Edward, looking forward to the medal ceremony." She said as she put her mic down.

I grabbed my shammie and wiped off my hair as I walked back into the locker room. I slipped on my medal ceremony track suit and sat down on the bench.

Newton came over and sat down by me. "What do you want Newton."

"I really hope Bella is okay." He just looked down at the tile floor.

"Me too." I said as I put my stuff into my duffle bag.

"You haven't talked to here yet?" he asked as he looked up at me.

"No." I said as I put my iPod in the side pocket of my duffle bag.

"Sorry you guys have to go through this mess with the media all over again, I hope you guys can work everything out, she's a great girl."

"Yes that she is." He was right she was a great girl, the hardest part about this was, all the hurt and anger I was carrying around, and would I ever be able to get over it.

They called me for my ceremony, I walked back out into the pool deck the chlorine inundating my nostrils.

I stood there and watched as the flag was raised not once but twice and they played our counties anthem. I waved to the crowd as the last notes of the star spangled banner played. I stepped off the podium waved one last time to the crowd and headed back into the locker room to grab my stuff.

I jumped on the shuttle to take me back to athlete's village. I grabbed my phone out of my bag and turned it on.

Two missed calls both from Emmett. I hit play and waited for the message to start.

"Dude hope you kicks ass and won gold." The first message stopped. I smiled, I love my brother but sometimes I really wonder how many times he has been hit in the head.

The second message started. "Bro we had to do some crazy ass stuff today and Bella is wiped out and laying on Charlie's bed curled up in a ball. She won't talk to anyone bro, I think she really just needs to hear your voice call when you get a chance." I could hear he was definitely upset. My heart sunk.

I opened my contacts and hit the call button. It rang three times. My heart was beating out of my chest with each ring. "I'm taking her the phone." I heard Emmett say as I heard the wooden steps creek under his feet.

I heard the door open and Bella mumbling. "Hello."

Oh god she sounded tired and weak, my heart was crumbling. "Bella." I whispered.

"Edward." Her strangled cries pierced my broken heart.

"I'm here baby." I said as the tears fell down my face, the other athletes on shuttle were staring at me but I could care less at this point she needed me and if it was just hearing my voice that helped her then they could all go to hell.

"I can't do this." She sobbed.

That was the last thing I heard before the line went dead, I sat there staring at the phone willing her to call me back.

The shuttle stopped, everyone was filling off. I got up and tried to make my way down the aisle but my legs felt heavy like there were rocks pinning me down. I was on the last step about to touch the pavement when my phone rang again.

"Hello." I yelled out.

"Edward no need to yell, look dude I told you she's bad."

I walked over to a bench and slid down onto the cold hard metal. "Emmett."

"I'm trying Edward, good thing Jasper and Alice are on their way I suck at this comfort thing."

"She said." He cut me off

"I know what she said I don't think she meant it the way you are taking it look, give her sometime okay, just don't give up Edward."

Small sprinkles of rain began to hit me on the face. "I won't." I hit end on my phone, how do you go from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows in under an hour.

I sat there just letting the rain hit me, I knew somewhere Charlie was looking down on us I looked up at the sky pleading with him to help me make this right with his daughter. Maybe just maybe they were his tears that were hitting me.

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A/N: so what did you think? Like not like was the flashback okay was it lemony enough


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: so yeah this chapter was really really hard to write, lots of my own tears shed, it drug up some memories of my own when my dad past away I was young only 19 and had only started my then boyfriend now hubs three weeks prior he was my rock through it all I as I felt his love for me I knew I was going to marry him, a week after my fathers funeral my hubs got down on one knee and proposed , I spent a few hours on Sat at my fathers grave site celebrating memorial day, although its been 19 years since his passing it just seems like yesterday we were skiing on slopes enjoying a night out together.**

**And yes I just outed my age to you guys.**

**Thank you Thank you Thank you for all the Rec's, Fav's, follows and reviews I love seeing them in my inbox**

**Hope you guys enjoy reading it**

**once again I started this story for my two besties Ethel and Lucy**

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BPOV

I woke up just as we got to the Welcome to Forks sign, I stretched my arms over my head and sat up in the back seat of the rental Emmett was driving. I ran my hands through my hair trying to tame the snarls that had formed at the back of my head.

"Oh good you're awake, I don't want to get lost finding this place." Emmett said as he looked in the rearview mirror at me.

"There is only one main road here Emm, you can't get lost. Jenk's funeral home should be just past the post office on the right after the only stoplight in town." I said as I looked out the window at the greenery, I missed the foliage. Not that my new home in Utah wasn't green, the difference between the two, forks is green all year, park City on the other hand went from being green to yellow and red to white back to green, It took me a while to get use to the changing seasons but I have come to love them, snow was my hardest to get use to by January you are sick of the cold and snow, most nights I spend by the fire reading a good book and sipping on some wine, it's really the only way to pass the time, especially when you are alone.

We passed the only grocery store in town, tears fell down my cheeks as we pulled into J. Jenks funeral home, last time I was here was with my dad and we were picking out a casket for my beautiful mother. I remember Charlie turning to me at one point and asking me if I thought she would love the mahogany wooden box with the carved rose detail. I wanted to scream why…why would it matter what she wanted she was dead she wouldn't care. And now here I was having to pick out a casket for the man that was my hero.

I wiped my cheeks before the cold tear drops rolled off my chin, my mascara left a black streak across the back of my hand. I grabbed a tissue out of my hand bag and wiped my smeared makeup off my face.

There were four reporters standing on the sidewalk just waiting to pounce. I threw on my sunglasses and slid down in the backseat. Emmett parked in the closets parking space he could. He jumped out and ran around the car opening up the door for Rose and then opening my door.

The reporters started screaming as I exited the car. Emmett shielded me as we walked up the pebble stair into the foyer. Luckily Jenks was a private property and they were not permitted on the grounds.

I stepped inside brightly lit foyer, the walls were painted a very light cream, and there was a large round wooden table in the middle with a huge vase of beautiful fake flowers. I slipped off my sunglasses and set them in my handbag. A big tall burly man with dark brown hair stepped out from the office.

"Miss Swan sorry for your loss." He said almost reverently as he came over to shake my hand.

I stuck my hand out for him. "Just Bella will do please." I meekly said as I willed the tears not to fall.

"Well Bella, I'm Demetri J is in his office, he's ready for you whenever you are ready to go in, if you need to take a minute we understand completely. Can I get you folks something to drink, water, coffee, tea?" he asked.

"A water please." I said as I took in the room we were standing in, there were pictures hanging on the walls mostly landscapes, my eye caught one I recognized, I walked over to it and ran my hands over the glass. I had so many fond memories of the fishing hole Charlie took me too after my mother passed away. We would get out of town on the weekends and spend it fishing along the banks of the Forks River. The picture was a sepia tone of the river winding its way away from MT. Olympus you could tell it was fall time as there were leaves scattered on the ground. The Hoh river one of Charlie's favorites. Tears filled my eyes Charlie would always drag me away from the city claiming we needed to get away from everything. I always snuck an art book to read or I would bring my camera and take pics of the scenery as Charlie would toss his line in the water fishing really wasn't my thing, I think it truly had to do with my lack of patience. I smiled as I remember the one and only time Charlie talked me into throwing my line in, Charlie kept getting bites with every toss of his line, me nothing, I remember his smirk as he yelled at me from downstream that I wasn't holding my mouth right, that was the last time I fished.

"You took an amazing shot there Bella." A deep voice startled me from my memories. Mr. J Jenks came and stood beside me, he was wearing a deep charcoal suit, white button down shirt and a maroon tie, his presence both warmed me and cooled me. He was always soft spoken and kind but his line of work always scared me. After my mother's death I never wanted to see him again.

"I was sad to see it leave my gallery, lots of memories were made on those river banks." I quietly said as I turned around and saw Emmett and Rose standing off to the side by the table, Emmett's arm was draped across her back and around her side pulling her close to him. Their closeness made me long to have somebody holding me.

"I bet there were, keep those memories alive, it will help you get through those rough days." Jenks said as he started walking to his office. "We need to move this to a quieter location preferably away from prying eyes." He said as he nodded his head to the front doors.

Standing there right outside the clear glass door was a photog snapping pictures not even caring that he was on private property. I moved my feet and followed Jenks down the hallway but before I could get any further I heard the door open and he slipped inside blocking my way down the hall.

"Bella is it true, you're sleeping with Edward's brother." He yelled out from the doorway, I wanted nothing more than to flip the asshole off, but before I could Demetri had him backing out of the doorway and back out onto the street.

"So sorry about that Bella, I'll have Demetri lock the doors and get Seth on the phone and over here to take care of this situation, I thought they would have been a little more respectful but." He laughed. "I am clearly out of my league when it comes to these things being from Fork and all no one really famous lives here." He pushed open his mahogany wood door leading into his office.

He motioned for us to sit down on the leather wing backs next to his desk. I couldn't move did he say Seth. If Seth was back that means Jake would be back as well.

"Seth took over for your father Bella, after." I put up my hand to stop him.

"Well glad Forks is under his watch." The coolness of the leather chair as I slipped into it seeped through my jeans and deep into my bones. Funeral homes were always cold scary places I hated what went on inside these walls. Nobody should ever have to deal with all the decisions I would be making in the next few minutes, it was cruel really I know people get old and our bodies give out but for those not ready to go it was unfair.

"We are very sad that your father had to be replaced Bella, Charlie was such a good man and a wonderful Chief." Jenks said as he sat down in his chair on the opposite side of the desk from me.

I just nodded as he grabbed a thick folder from the stack that was sitting on his desk and slid it to me over to me. "Tell me J what made you want to go into this business." The lump preventing me from speaking finally dislodged itself from my throat. Emmett came and sat beside me in the other chair. He grabbed my hand and held it in his.

"People think its morbid what we do, but without where would all the bodies go, would everyone then be cremated even though it's not what they really wanted. I do it because I want to help the families grieve, and if it's through allowing them one more chance to see the person they loved then I know at the end of the day I have helped someone find closure and peace when all they are really feeling is pain."

Pain yes my heart felt like I was being stabbed repeatedly. I nodded my head in understanding.

"Your father has prepared everything for you Bella, there isn't much to be decided, he wants a small graveside service, but knowing the whole town would show up he asked to have a small viewing the night before for those not in the family or his colleagues and friends." I motioned for him to continue.

"He said he only thing he asks of you is to pick his casket, he wanted you to do that one thing for him."

"How did you know this?" I asked.

" After your mother died your father came in one day and said he wanted to plan his funeral, he didn't want you to have to decide everything knowing how much you would be hurting, he said those decisions only hurt more and he wanted to take away as much pain as he could."

Tears flowed freely from my eyes, my father was really gone, and in the matter of days I would be putting him into the cold hard ground next to my mother, I would never see him or hear his sweet caring voice again. I covered my face with my hands and sobbed.

I felt Rose's arms circle me from behind. "Hey girl it's going to be okay, Emmett and I are here for you." She whispered into my hair.

"That folder holds all your fathers legal papers Bella, including the statement that everything is paid for, I'll let you take a moment to gather yourself before going into the casket room okay, I'm going to go check and see if those scum are gone, when you are ready just come down to the room, its down the hall to your right." He got up and quietly left the room. Soft flowing piano music began playing in the overhead speakers.

I felt Emmett squeeze my hand. "You okay Bella boo." He whispered.

"No." I said as I closed my eyes, trying to keep myself from falling apart.

He pulled me into his lap and hugged me tight. "You are strong you can do this for Charlie."

"I don't want to be strong." I said as more tears fell down my face clouding my vision.

"I know, you don't and I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through right now but it's killing me seeing you fall apart and there is nothing I can do about it." He said as he wiped the tears from my face.

I took a deep breath and gathered myself together. I stood up and slowly made my way out of the office and down the hall, Emmett and Rose trailing me. I stopped inside the doorway, I stood there for a few minutes not wanting to move.

"The sooner we get this done the better Bella. It's like ripping off a band aid, go slower you go it's more torture. Come on." Rose grabbed my hand and pulled me into the room. The caskets were all lined up in a row seven to be exact. Raging from shiny white to shiny black. I slowly walked past eh white one Charlie wouldn't want that one any. I moved down the row and stopped in front of a brown casket, it was simple in design with silver handles for the pall bearers. Inside the material was cream and there was a mountain design with a river etched onto the place where the casket would be open for those wanting to see my father one more time. I knew this was the one and Charlie would love it.

"Is this the one?" J asked as he came and stood by me.

"Yeah I think Charlie would love it." I said as I ran my hand over the smooth wood.

"I think you are right he would, Bella really I'm so sorry you have to do this, nobody should lose both their parents at such a young age."

I waved him off as more tears flowed down my face. "When…When will his..." I sobbed and hiccupped I couldn't get out what I needed to ask.

"The embalming process is coming along very well, most of his injuries from the accident were internal, he just has a few scratches and cuts that makeup should cover up, we should be ready to have the viewing on Thursday with the graveside on Friday."

"Okay." I only had three days to prepare.

"Where are you staying." He asked as he wrote down the info from the casket.

"I…I don't even know…I"

"How about we go to your home Bella." Rose said as she came and stood by me wrapping me in her arms. "You need that closer Bella and I don't really want to stay in the Forks motel." She said I chuckled.

"Yeah don't blame you." J said as he walked towards the door. "Okay I think a good time for the viewing to start would be six, what do you think."

"What I think is I want to leave this room can we discuss these things somewhere else please."

J laughed. "Sure we can go back to my office."

My whole body was shaking from lack of sleep, nerves and just being plain wiped out from the emotional rollercoaster it was on. Rose had to hold me up as we left the casket room and walked to Jenks office.

We all sat back down at his desk. "Now Charlie wrote his own obituary, well let me rephrase that I think Sue Clearwater helped I the process."

"Yeah I couldn't see Charlie writing that." I said. I was grateful that I wouldn't have to do that, Charlie made me write my moms and it nearly killed me.

"So does six sound like a good time for the viewing."

"Yeah sure, is there anything I need to do for that?" I asked.

"Just be here an hour prior it will give you some alone time to see Charlie if you want." He said as he sat back in his chair.

I just nodded and looked over at Rose and Emmett both their faces full of sadness. "Are we done?"

"Yeah, I think that's all, my card is the folder you can call me anytime, I have your number already so if I need anything else I got it from the station sorry."

I waved him off, I just wanted out of there. I stood up and ran out of the office. I stopped at the glass door leading outside making sure there were no photographers. I pushed open the door and ran down the steps, I reached the car just as my stomach lurched and I hurled all over the asphalt.

"God Bella you okay." Emmett grabbed my hair making sure it was out of the way as I dry heaved.

I wiped off my mouth as a bottle of water was placed in front of me. "Sorry I never brought you this, I was helping Seth get rid of those vultures." Demetri opened the bottle of water and handed it to me.

I took a few gulps. "Thank you." I whispered.

He nodded, they should be leaving you alone, you should have seen Seth in action man I think they all got scared and ran after her had that asshole photog eating the asphalt he laughed and then headed back into the funeral home.

"Let's get you home." Emmett said as he opened the back door and helped me in. he walked Rose to her side of the car and opened the door for her. You got to admire Esme for teaching her boys how to treat a lady.

He walked back around to his side of the car. "Okay Bella tell me where to go from here."

I gave Emmett the address and he punched into the GPS. I sat back in leather backseat and closed my eyes. I didn't even see anything as Emmett drove the car through the town. Before I knew we were pulling up in front of my modest two story childhood home. Luckily there was no press waiting to pounce. Emmett pulled into the driveway. He helped Rose out and came and opened my door. Luckily I knew Charlie still hid a key in the eaves above the door, I asked Emmett to retrieve it for me, he handed me the key I put it in the lock and then opened the door.

I was hit with the feeling that I was home and Charlie wasn't there standing in the door way welcoming home with a hug. I dropped to my knees in the doorway and cried. I felt Emmett pick me up and walk into the house. I felt him descend the stairs and head for the two rooms that were up there.

"Not my room, I want my dad I want my dad back." I cried into his shoulder.

"Bella you need some sleep where do you want me to put you so you can rest."

"Charlie, I want to be close to Charlie." I sobbed.

I felt him slide open his door and then he was gently placing me on his queen size bed. I curled up in a ball in the middle of the bed, the scent of old spice hitting my nostrils had me crying hysterically till I felt myself drifting off to sleep.

I woke up sometime later to the sound of a ringing phone, I was handed the phone as I answered it. Edwards's silky voice came on the line. I was so over whelmed with emotion that I didn't even know what I said before I threw the phone and curled back up in a ball and once again fell asleep.

I was woken up but this time it was from the smells of something delicious wafting its way up from downstairs. I felt warm fingers graze across my forehead moving the hairs that were plastered there from my sweat and tears.

"Hey Bella." Alice's sweet voice whispered as her fingers ran though my hair.

I opened my eyes, hers were shedding tears. "Hey." I said my voice cracking from all the crying I had done.

She laid down beside me and we both cried until. Rose knocked on the door brining in a tray of hot pasta and meat sauce. Joining us on the bed. I looked at my two best girlfriend's one old and one new and I felt for the first time in a long while that I wasn't going to be alone.

* * *

AN/: yeah yeah I know a lot of Angst, I know some of you want Edward to finally come back and be with her, I promise just stick with me the HEA is coming up but these two need a few more chapters to figure stuff out okay.

So what did you think yay nay. leave me some love


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